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Food! I spent a week living with my mom in her assisted living facility after her husband passed. The biggest deal among all the residents there was breakfast, lunch and dinner, and the quarterly bake sale put on by the residents who were still able enough to cook. I can't express to you how big a deal food is. It was literally all anyone ever talked about. The bake sale would sell out by 9 a.m.
Harry and David, Popcorn Factory, Hickory Farms, there area million companies that will ship treats in all forms, from nuts and sugar-free treats for diabetic patients, to baked goods and cookies.
The only thing that ranks up there would be family photos, especially of grandchildren. All the digital photography websites have features that will easily print photos albums or refrigerator magnets.
If you've got kids, give your mom a photo album of what the kids have been doing lately, throw in a tin of cookies, and she will be the star of the home. I kept my mom in sugar-free caramel corn for the last year of her life. My sister said when a package came, that's all she'd talk about. I sent her a 5X7 of my son's senior prom picture. When I came to stay with her, all the residents said, "Oh that's YOUR son on her refrigerator!"
Food and family. It's the center of focus there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Honeycrisp
A lot of the clothes got mixed in with other ppl's clothes, she sure had an overabundance but she did get a lot of socks and slippers
Lori, you should be in the ALF my dad was in. People used to bring him food as gifts and he would send it home with us. Just eating the three hot meals a day there he gained 45 pounds in less than a year. He was still driving when he moved in there and when it was getting close to meal time and he was somewhere else in town, you better not get in his way to his table. lol He got a nice gift on the picture part. My neice sent him a calendar with a picture of her and his grandkids in a different picture each month. We had it hung on his bedroom wall where he could see it quite often.
My dad is big on crossword puzzles. Before his health declined (we had to move him to a nursing home in November) if he didn't get his morning or afternoon newspaper, I got a phone call. He totally destroyed a crossword puzzle dictionary by using it so much so we bought him a newer one.
Honeycrisp, we didn't have to worry about his clothes getting mixed in with others. Each resident's clothes were washed separately. Clothes were washed and brought back on hangers and put back in his closet in order.
One thing my brother did as a gift that Daddy seemed to really enjoy since he had everything he needed, was make a donation in Daddy's name to some organization he liked. That way the money was put to good use instead of on clothes that just got stuck in the closet not worn.
Maintain an inventory of her clothes. Clothes and other necessities are frequently stolen or lost. Somebody in my mom's facility liked all the red articles and those pants and shirts were all missing. Buy her replacements as you discover what's lost.
In Mom's ALF they =loved= flowers! I partnered with a local florist for Mother's Day (long story about how/why I did) and they were all in. There were 66 residents, and I bought bud vases at garage sales, thrift stores, etc in preparation. The florist made tags that it was a 'Pay it Forward' gift from them (sold them on the advertising). Took the vases to her, and she put them together with either a single rose or lily w/ baby's breath or greenery and a ribbon bow in donation - they were beautiful! - and I fetched them from her. The transportation in my car was a nightmare! But - once at the ALF, I loaded them into a big shopping cart and passed them out to everyone. To the men I said 'Happy Mother's Day! You weren't a mom but had one!'
The residents were over the moon. One woman carried her vase around with her for 3 days, and they were all abuzz about their flower. Well, there were some who were past the dementia stage to engage, but honestly not many.
It was a huge hit!
Sounds good to me, but my mother would not have been impressed.
In Mom's ALF they =loved= flowers! ...
The residents were over the moon. One woman carried her vase around with her for 3 days, and they were all abuzz about their flower. Well, there were some who were past the dementia stage to engage, but honestly not many.
It was a huge hit!
That is a very lovely thought and story. I've worked with end-stage dementia, and I think anyone can still like something that is pretty or has texture. It sounds like everyone really appreciated their gift, and I tip my hat to the quoted giver.
Oh, I forgot, my Mom also likes DVDs, especially of light-hearted romantic comedies. Does she have a DVD player?
No, no DVD player. No CD player either, so recorded books are out. But she has no library access anyway to get more of them. And no computer of course...
Does she enjoy reading? I have heard that many older people give up reading because of failing eyesight. If you got her a Kindle with several favorite books on it, she could adjust the print to a comfortable size. I believe there are even audiobooks on Kindle.
Other than that, I second the motion about food. The older folks I know are all about food. If you live nearby, you could take her out to a nice restaurant once a month for a year.
My mother had waaay too many pictures of family - several grown children, grandchildren, gr.grandchildren and little or no place to put them - big dust collectors too and while she liked getting them in the beginning, after a while I dont even think she looked at them. Eventually the photos were rotated but I dont think she really realized as her memory was definitely on the decline
A lot of the clothes got mixed in with other ppl's clothes, she sure had an overabundance but she did get a lot of socks and slippers
One thing that was a bit hit was a plant - I think it was a big amaryllis plant, roots and all - you just added water to the bottom of it and the thing bloomed and she got a lot of nice compliments about that, seemed to thrive on little/no care.
Got her a big assortment of various chapsticks, lip balms etc - ended up w/ a ton of them (some by her chair, her bed, in a drawer etc) - unfortunately she hardly ever used them (and really needed to as her lips were cracked) - wasnt able to squeeze it out (even w/ a new tube), would think she was putting it on but was just rubbing the plastic against her lip - wasnt able to twist it up and out either (on the other kind of tubes) - eventually they'd squeeze some on her finger and she'd put it on her lips but basically it had to be done for her.
Had no interest in books or puzzles, did like 'reading the paper' although Im not sure how much she really took in.
As dementia progresses puzzles and activities have much less appeal. I posted ideas for people across the dementia spectrum.
My mom received plants but she didn't take care of them and they invariably died. She didn't even throw out old fresh flowers she received.
I think that gifts are a throw of the dice.
One thing that we did more than once for our mom was to buy her new bras. She had no way to replace her old worn out ones. I imagine that doing this would be a wonderful gift for some elderly women. I sized mom up the last time I did this and I remember how happy she was when she put on a more comfortably sized bra.
The thing is, elders often do enjoy opening gifts. So the pleasure of the gift is really in receiving a pretty package. But often people with dementia forget they have the gift. And sometimes the best gift to give is to clean out a clothes closet, shop for underwear, rotate towels, or throw out the ragged sweater and put in its place a newer one.
Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm still undecided. I'd like to get her something she will actually use, but it's hard to know what that might be now.
It depends on what the PURPOSE of the gift is.....depending on the stage of a person's dementia.
It is to do 'double duty" and give them something to open and be a practical gift that they need?
If their interest in what you give will wane....then t could be something very inexpensive. I bought EASY card games like Old Main, Fish, and Uno for my mom, and also Candy Land and checkers, for her aide to play with her. Got them at Walmart. The Dollar store also might have some things. But we also bought her new shoes and clothes...and food can also good.
It just depends on what the gift is for, or supposed to accomplish.
At 88 and having mid stage dementia the gifts were fairly practical ....... what she might enjoy or could make things easy for her.
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