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Where I lived as a child, burned down, most houses on the street are gone...
My elementary school...nothing but an empty lot.....found the pics on Google.
So much for my even going by my home.....Youngstown, Ohio.
Do any of you find that older relatives and friends in your life suddenly want to move back "home" to their place of birth from an area they have relocated to and lived in a long time?
If so, why does this happen?
Not me, at age 77.
Yesterday I mailed a donation to my hometown's historical society, which does an excellent job. I mentioned that it was unlikely that I would ever get back for a visit, but that the town that I recall - with great fondness - doesn't exist any longer, in any case.
Time just keeps going forward, and you can't go back to what isn't there.
Do any of you find that older relatives and friends in your life suddenly want to move back "home" to their place of birth from an area they have relocated to and lived in a long time?
If so, why does this happen?
I actually have not experienced this with my parents. They both moved from cold weather places when they were in their 20-30's, and shudder to think about living there again.
Aside from the weather they both grew up in areas where it is now a slum vs. when they lived there. So even if this phenomenon exists for many seniors, I doubt either would ever want to live in the surrounding areas that are still nice.
Strangely enough, my Father who has picked out a burial site locally, said he made his life down here, so he has no desire to be buried up where most of his family has. I would have thought that if the desire to go home ever kicked in for him, it would at least be to be buried near his family & friends. Instead he said the view and the weather is better down here.
I think a lot of people learn that it isn't always that much greener on the other side, and some may find more cowpatties in them.
I'm one of those who would love to move back "home". Family is all there but, oddly enough, they're not the reason why, and I have doubts that they would be a plus. But I have friends in that state and I just like it so much better than where I live now.
The entire experience 20 years later was bitter-sweet. Thomas Wolfe's statement, "You can't go home again" never rang so true to me, as did his admonition, “You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood, back home to romantic love, back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame..."
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Someone once said or wrote, "All good things must come to an end." Never was that more true for me than on that return trip. It will not be repeated. It's too painful!
That's an astute observation. So true. And it's on par with the comment that you can never step in the same river twice because it's constantly moving and changing. You also can't go 'home' again because it has changed and the people who lived there have grown, changed, died, had families, went through their own traumas and just aren't who they used to be. Not only that, they probably never were who we (as children anyway) thought they were.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313
Perhaps sign of dementia?
It doesn't have to be dementia for someone to wish for a simpler time. My guess is you are still under age 50. Perspective shifts as you get older.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat
I can't answer for anyone else but, for me, where I live now has been 'home' since I was two years old. I was born 100 miles south of here. It has been my family home for 81 years. I have left here a bunch of times but anytime I needed to regroup/start over it's always been from here. I have family here and I do love it here. My mom was here and was the biggest draw last time I moved home ten years ago after my dad died. I decided then that I probably wouldn't be leaving again because I always come home anyway so why bother? Now I'm buying a home here which pretty much cements me here. It's okay with me.
I've been a tad disappointed in the changes in my hometown but I realize that change is a constant and it's still a whole lot better than other places I've lived. I think that's what was meant by "not being able to go home". It isn't the same but I think we enjoy the memories of 'what used to be'. At least I do. Maybe it's just pure nostalgia. My parents and all my aunts and uncles...and some cousins...left and lived other places but every single one of us have come back and the older generation all died and are buried here. I guess it'll just always be "home" to all of us. It's good to have roots and know where I 'belong'.
Part of it is that you live in a very cool place! I love the Verde Valley. Why leave? If I was raised there, I'd be living there again in a heartbeat!
For me, 'home' is Hawaii. I didn't move there till I had left my parent's home, but I was there longer than anywhere else. It's where I fell in love, raised kids, created a corporation, traveled from, found long lasting friends, and really finally grew up. I miss it and occasionally threaten to move back there. But the Hawaii I miss doesn't exist anymore. So, as in the first quoted post above, I really can't go home. Home is gone. So I visit friends and family as often as I can and I bask in what's still there. And I move forward with my life. And so it goes.
That's an astute observation. So true. And it's on par with the comment that you can never step in the same river twice because it's constantly moving and changing. You also can't go 'home' again because it has changed and the people who lived there have grown, changed, died, had families, went through their own traumas and just aren't who they used to be. Not only that, they probably never were who we (as children anyway) thought they were.
It doesn't have to be dementia for someone to wish for a simpler time. My guess is you are still under age 50. Perspective shifts as you get older.
Part of it is that you live in a very cool place! I love the Verde Valley. Why leave? If I was raised there, I'd be living there again in a heartbeat!
For me, 'home' is Hawaii. I didn't move there till I had left my parent's home, but I was there longer than anywhere else. It's where I fell in love, raised kids, created a corporation, traveled from, found long lasting friends, and really finally grew up. I miss it and occasionally threaten to move back there. But the Hawaii I miss doesn't exist anymore. So, as in the first quoted post above, I really can't go home. Home is gone. So I visit friends and family as often as I can and I bask in what's still there. And I move forward with my life. And so it goes.
I've always loved the Verde Valley. When we'd come home from CA to visit we always came over the mountain through Jerome and I'd get my first glimpse of the Valley. I always felt so glad that we were almost home. We'd usually be coming in about dawn when you could still see the lights of town lit up and I remember it was just a tiny 'circle' of them. Now they are spread out far and wide so I can see how it's grown.
I have never been to Hawaii but always wanted to go. At one time I had a good friend who moved to Maui and we planned and planned for me to visit. Never happened though. I still hope to make it someday.
If we, as children, have had a number of homes in different places, it is less likely that we will have a strong attachment to any one of the places. Example: poster Curmudgeon who was a "military brat". Counter-example: my mother who was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and didn't leave there until she finished college and got married. Baton Rouge remained "home" for her and she eventually returned there to live after many years away.
I am in the middle. My family moved from St. Louis to Los Angeles when I was 14. So I went to high school with kids with whom I had no previous history. Over the years (I'm 70 now) I have made three or four different visits back to St. Louis, and I've always found it meaningful somehow. The block where I lived, my elementary school, and my junior high all look pretty much the same. The last time I was there (eight years ago) I met with two people whom I had known personally. That was my life prior at age 14, and even though I have no desire to move back there, and even though I don't call it home, the nostalgia is powerful somehow.
I even have a strange sense of attachment to Las Cruces, New Mexico, where I've never lived. My father moved there after his retirement and I visited him there over a period of some 25 years before his death, on an average frequency of probably less than once a year but at least once every other year. I bicycled in the local mountains, hiked in the desert, and came to know the layout of the place. That feeling of attachment has a hollow feeling to it now, as my father died 14 years ago. It felt strange a few years ago to drive right on through there without stopping on my way to points east.
Places have a strange hold on our psyches, at least for some of us.
Places have a strange hold on our psyches, at least for some of us.
That they do, ER, and like you I have multiple attachments. The first and strongest is that home in Newport Beach I will never again visit but which I called the home of my childhood because that's where we always returned. But along with that there's a house in Virginia in which I lived for almost three years. It was somewhat rural and every chance I had I roamed the woods with my dog; happy and carefree. We moved back to the CA home in 1959. In 1975, when I was stationed at the Pentagon, I drove to that home, parked nearby and walked to a house further up the road. I had done yard work for the owner, a retired Navy Captain, and his wife, during those years. On a whim, I knocked on the door and he and his wife, now very elderly, answered. We had a lovely visit.
Two other childhood homes really resonate for me. Both are in Japan and I would love to return there for old time's sake but alas, it will never happen. There, too, I was free to roam; one in a fishing village and the other in Tokyo.
You made a very astute observation about those of us who were well-traveled during our youths.
I mentioned in a post above that my parents were alcoholics. The commonality of my three, primary childhood homes (there were several others) is that I had or took the freedom to go out on my own whether at the beach and sailing, roaming through woods and river banks or exploring "exotic" locations. It was preferable to being with my parents.
If we, as children, have had a number of homes in different places, it is less likely that we will have a strong attachment to any one of the places. Example: poster Curmudgeon who was a "military brat". Counter-example: my mother who was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and didn't leave there until she finished college and got married. Baton Rouge remained "home" for her and she eventually returned there to live after many years away.
I am in the middle. My family moved from St. Louis to Los Angeles when I was 14. So I went to high school with kids with whom I had no previous history. Over the years (I'm 70 now) I have made three or four different visits back to St. Louis, and I've always found it meaningful somehow. The block where I lived, my elementary school, and my junior high all look pretty much the same. The last time I was there (eight years ago) I met with two people whom I had known personally. That was my life prior at age 14, and even though I have no desire to move back there, and even though I don't call it home, the nostalgia is powerful somehow.
I even have a strange sense of attachment to Las Cruces, New Mexico, where I've never lived. My father moved there after his retirement and I visited him there over a period of some 25 years before his death, on an average frequency of probably less than once a year but at least once every other year. I bicycled in the local mountains, hiked in the desert, and came to know the layout of the place. That feeling of attachment has a hollow feeling to it now, as my father died 14 years ago. It felt strange a few years ago to drive right on through there without stopping on my way to points east.
Places have a strange hold on our psyches, at least for some of us.
I don't feel any real attachment to past homes but admit I HAVE done nostalgia trips just to check them out. I guess, if I did, it would have to be to the homes I grew up in and still drive by a lot. My grandmothers house, the one my dad built...actually he built several homes in my neighborhood...and my aunts and uncles old homes. My neighborhood has grown a LOT since I was a kid but the core of it is mostly as I still remember it and where we all lived.
Tucson is where a lot of my nostalgia is, other than here. It has changed a lot too but both of our old homes are still there. One Dad built and one he bought brand new. Neither has changed much over the years and they are at least 60 years old! I have no desire to live there again but have family and friends there so do go to visit when I can.
For some reason, like you, I have a "strange attachment" to a place and no idea why. I have always loved St. Augustine, FL and visit every chance I get. Haven't been there in a long time but from the minute I got there it just felt 'good' to me or something. I feel a bit of the same about New Orleans and San Antonio too though. Maybe it's just the history of those places that attract me. Dunno!
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Thoughts about attachment to a place
