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Yeesh, exactly. My actual hands on caregiving in the home was relatively short lived compared to others (other aspects continue) and I've developed some mysterious illness I was worried was a heart attack and still think is cardiac but my doctor blew off, I never again want to speak to at one cousin and perhaps more, I completely dread continuing with any of these responsibilities and fantasize about faking my own death. As for number 1 below - who had time? Number 2, I posted here, and really just wanted to have some time alone. Number 3, who needs exercise when you lose 10 lbs from stress. Number 4, didn't need mindfulness freaking training, everything has been so crazy I had no choice but to focus on the present task as everything would change five minutes later anyway...number 5 - what help? What offers to help?
Have been home in NC for a week and driving back to upstate NY tomorrow. My advice, never agree to be POA or executor for anyone, ever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751
Sure, caregivers can...
1. Retain some of the old patterns:
Everything is too chaotic and running in 50 different directions.
2. participated in caregiving support groups
Really, it would be nice to just be home with family.
3. Exercise:
After caregiving, all the running, trying to keep your own life from blowing up (too late), who has the energy?
4. eight sessions of mindfulness training
Wow, more classes on top of everything else?
5. Say Yes to Help
I didn't know anyone offered?
LOL, it sounds like someone in an office with no personal experience of caregiving wrote that.
I do agree that caregivers need to regroup and try to take care of their own health. Living in the real world, here is my own advice:
1. Absolutely try to make some time every day for yourself. Only. Just yourself. An hour of peace in the morning, on the patio, drinking your own coffee - NOT thinking about caregiving! Pray, meditate, listen to the birds, read a book, take a walk, SOMETHING quiet and solitary that doesn't involve caregiving at all.
2. Refocus on healthy relationships you have in your life, with healthy people who love you and LIKE you. Try to remember to give them your best, not your leftovers after you've given every bit of strength you think you have to caregiving. Do all you can to break away from the grind and spend quality time - NOT CAREGIVING or revolving around caregiving - with these people. Once a week, if at all possible, get out and go do something fun with someone healthy who loves and likes you. Go out to eat, go see a movie, go shopping, heck if you can swing it go on a vacation. Laugh with this person. Really LOOK at this person, listen to this person, clear your head of the demands of caregiving.
3. Do not allow yourself to overcompensate for the stress by overeating or drinking to excess. You will feel more miserable and less lovable with thirty extra pounds on you, believe me. Do something active for yourself every day and pay close attention to what you eat. Don't turn to comfort food. Eat healthy foods that give you energy. Drink lots of water.
4. Do something active every day for 30 minutes at least. Walk, water aerobics, treadmill, SOMETHING. This can really clear your head and work off some stress. Personally, for me it was and is water aerobics.
5. All this is easier said than done, but make it a priority, your TOP priority, to find and implement resources that allow you this little bit of "me time." And "significant other" or "best friend," or "healthy child" time. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT allow the demands of caregiving to suck the life out of other, good, healthy relationships in your life!!!!!!
Anyway, those are my words of advice. Hard to do it but so worth doing in the long run. Because it's in the long run that caregiving can wear you down and out, and destroy other relationships in your life. This is no good for you, and also probably not what the person you're taking care of ever wanted. It's not even best for them. You simply HAVE TO find a healthy balance in your life and maintain that healthy balance - that's best for everyone, including the person you're taking care of, even if it doesn't seem all that necessary or even possible when you're in the midst of it all.
If you can't find the time and resources to take care of yourself first, then this is a big sign that major changes in the situation need to be implemented. STOP THE PRESSES. Make finding new alternatives your number one priority, because you simply cannot carry a huge load like this by yourself for long.
Agree with KA's post above about taking care of yourself when caregiving.
May I add - Let go of the guilt. Take a step back periodically and let go of worries about things that you just cannot fix, things that quite often were and are the responsibility of the person you're caring for, not you. These things are different for each of us. Take a step back, figure out what they are in your situation and let them go. And remind yourself often not to resume the worry about those things.
Agree with KA's post above about taking care of yourself when caregiving.
May I add - Let go of the guilt. Take a step back periodically and let go of worries about things that you just cannot fix, things that quite often were and are the responsibility of the person you're caring for, not you. These things are different for each of us. Take a step back, figure out what they are in your situation and let them go. And remind yourself often not to resume the worry about those things.
Oh my gosh, you are so right.
Eventually, we put my mom in a memory care center. Thankfully my dad had seen this coming (probably for many years) and had saved for their needs as elderly folks. So the cost of her care is covered. Even without the financial burden though, it would be easy to fall into the guilt trap, because my mom would really, really prefer to live with us, or on her own with "a caregiver" (which would be an absolute fiasco - for starters she'd need at least five caregivers lined out, not just one, because she needs round the clock supervision, which she doesn't even realize).
We visit her about twice a week, and of course, I also take care of all her financial and medical needs (thankfully with her money but that has to be managed, and of course she also has to file tax returns, my dad's estate had to be settled, etc etc and she still owns a small piece of property that has to be maintained.
But if I allowed the guilt to consume it, it could, because at the end of the day, I wish my mom was happy, and generally people who need her level of care simply aren't very happy with life in general. I wish I could provide personal happiness to her but I just can't. I have to let that go.
So really good call - we have to let go of guilt, regret, etc. We have to stop second guessing ourselves. Gather information, make informed decisions that include what's best for OUR families and ourselves, and purge that guilt and self doubt!
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
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Most elderly care events focus on annual health fair for the elderly or disabled but this weekend my city had their FIRST caregiver seminar! I was a vendor their and they had great topics for the caregivers and ONLY for the caregivers. Not many attended because it was a new event but the topics discussed were great with an attorney to discuss caregiver rights and options, alternative self care skills of yoga and offered FREE massages, Fire and Police Dept developing program for fall prevention, elderly "pick up" Programs and forming a coalition from input from citizen on how to assist the caregiver and the elderly. It was a full day which the caregiver focused on topics and education for themselves instead of the opposite.
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