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My father is elderly and very low income. He never held jobs long enough to get any sort of retirement and mostly lived on SSI for a disability (real).
He lives across the country from me but we keep in contact a little bit. He was abusive so I don't have him in my life or around my kids. But one of his friends also keeps me up to date about what is going on with him.
He has a host of health problems and falls a lot. He isn't able to care for his basic needs well (bathing, toileting, monitoring his blood sugar, remembering his medications). Its gotten to the point that he has even asked me to help him. He is scared. He has to hit his medical alert button more then once a week from falling and has been pretty badly injured a couple times.
I cant bring him into my home. I cant afford to put him in an assisted living home. But he only makes a few hundred a month from disability. He is in Idaho. I could potentially move him here to Minnesota, but I would rather not...he would *have* to move directly into assisted living.
Call the county government where he lives and ask for the local Council on Aging & Disability, Senior Services or a similar title. Give them his contact information and they will take over.
They will find low income services for him. Now, the nursing home may not be fancy, or even clean, but it will keep him safer than he is being on his own.
OTOH, someone I know who received about $800 a month in SS and ended up on Medicaid in a four or five star nursing home that usually charges $5,000 a month. It was just luck that when she was released from the hospital after a fall, this nursing home took her in for rehab and kept her (until she passed away four years later) because they had a Medicaid bed available.
To give an example, I once knew an elderly widow, without any children or other relatives (just a few "shirt tail" relatives that she barely knew living across the country). She used to get a ride to church once a week from Good Samaritans. Her fellow church members were becoming increasing concerned about her health and well being. One Sunday her ride determined that the widow couldn't care for herself anymore (quick version). The Council of Aging was called and within a week she was safe and secure in a nursing home.
BTW, a few states have filial responsibility obligations, but most do not.
Last edited by germaine2626; 03-03-2017 at 05:42 PM..
Call the county government where he lives and ask for the local Council on Aging & Disability, Senior Services or a similar title. Give them his contact information and they will take over.
They will find low income services for him. Now, the nursing home may not be fancy, or even clean, but it will keep him safer than he is being on his own.
BTW, a few states have filial responsibility obligations, but most do not.
Then again in fact 30 states do have "filial responsibility laws":
Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia.
Then again in fact 30 states do have "filial responsibility laws":
Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia.
Thank you for the correction. I had really thought that only a few states had filial responsibility laws (perhaps, because you hear about it being used so rarely).
only[/u]4807]Well if he is in Idaho, but I am in Minnesota, do the laws work aginst me?
Maybe I need a lawyer? WHat kind?
Obviously, none of us your know your financial situation or your relationship with your father.
IMHO, I would not be as concerned about your legal responsibility towards your father as any moral responsibility towards him. Now, if you have the extra money you could hire an elder care attorney or some type of senior planning agency, in his area, to handle everything. I'm not sure how much that would cost. The estimate that we received from a senior planning agency in our area was about $800 to $1200 for them to apply for Medicaid (with us doing most of the legwork getting the documents together) and $200 per hour for them to "find" a facility that would accept my husband and took Medicaid.
Our son flew into town and with two and a half weeks of spending probably six to ten hours a day on it (I was undergoing chemo & could not provide as much help as I wanted to do) accomplished everything. Since we live in large metropolitan area he must have called 40 or 50 Community Based Residential Facilities (nursing homes) and we basically found only three or four that accepted Medicaid and had a vacancy. Now, in a smaller town there may only be three or four places in all, so a lot less time would be spent calling and asking questions. Plus, filing for Medicaid for a single low income person would be much, much easier than for a situation with one spouse going into a facility and one staying in the community. It may only take a few hours for you to fill out the forms for your father and a few more hours to find the needed documention.
Now, the local Council on Aging (or whatever their title is in that state) can provide a lot of assistance for free but probably would still require you, or another responsible person, to do specific things.
I usually tell my friends that if they have any questions about how an elderly relative, who lives far away, is doing it is best to visit them and see first hand. You can tell a lot by just seeing what they look like in person (their grooming & if they have lost weight), the condition of their home and even what they are eating on a day to day basis. Many elderly people can "hide" their true condition during brief, infrequent phone calls but when you visit them they can not hide their appearance or problems for very long.
Good luck.
BTW, if he has been hospitalized because of his falls, or for other reasons, I am a little surprised that his doctors/the hospitals/the rehab agencies have not been involved already in finding him a safe place to live and the help that he needs.
Last edited by germaine2626; 03-08-2017 at 07:47 AM..
Obviously, none of us your know your financial situation or your relationship with your father.
IMHO, I would not be as concerned about your legal responsibility towards your father as any moral responsibility towards him. Now, if you have the extra money you could hire an elder care attorney or some type of senior planning agency, in his area, to handle everything. I'm not sure how much that would cost. The estimate that we received from a senior planning agency in our area was about $800 to $1200 for them to apply for Medicaid (with us doing most of the legwork getting the documents together) and $200 per hour for them to "find" a facility that would accept my husband and took Medicaid.
Our son flew into town and with two and a half weeks of spending probably six to ten hours a day on it (I was undergoing chemo & could not provide as much help as I wanted to do) accomplished everything. Since we live in large metropolitan area he must have called 40 or 50 Community Based Residential Facilities (nursing homes) and we basically found only three or four that accepted Medicaid and had a vacancy. Now, in a smaller town there may only be three or four places in all, so a lot less time would be spent calling and asking questions. Plus, filing for Medicaid for a single low income person would be much, much easier than for a situation with one spouse going into a facility and one staying in the community. It may only take a few hours for you to fill out the forms for your father and a few more hours to find the needed documention.
Now, the local Council on Aging (or whatever their title is in that state) can provide a lot of assistance for free but probably would still require you, or another responsible person, to do specific things.
I usually tell my friends that if they have any questions about how an elderly relative, who lives far away, is doing it is best to visit them and see first hand. You can tell a lot by just seeing what they look like in person (their grooming & if they have lost weight), the condition of their home and even what they are eating on a day to day basis. Many elderly people can "hide" their true condition during brief, infrequent phone calls but when you visit them they can not hide their appearance or problems for very long.
I think my moral obligation really begins and ends with him being a human being a worthy of some form of dignity. He didn't take care of me while I was a child...I don't feel the moral responsibility to care for him in his old age based off that. But he has no one else and is a suffering human being.
He has Medicaid and is adding me as a rep so I will be able to talk more to them. He was finally more honest about the level of care he was getting, and its just a lot less then he needs. He has refused to go into the nursing home in the area.
I found out he has section 8 housing so perhaps getting him a safer apartment and more home health care is an option.
We will see.
He is the most unhappy person you could ever meet. He is chronically suicidal (at least threatens it). He hates everything. He always wants to move, the grass is always greener on the other side. As soon as he moves (literally sometimes the very day of the move), he wants to move again and hates it in his new home/town. And no matter how much you do for him, he isn't happy.
P.S. Idaho has repealed their law on caring for parents.
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