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First let me say that calling in hospice is smart. They helped me stay sane. But, please take their advice. These people know what they are talking about.
I got upset when they told me to go ahead and make funeral arrangements. They were right. When Mom died, I was not stable enough to make totally rational decisions. Having the arrangements premade simplified things.
Also, check with your bank. Even tho we had a joint account, the bank froze the account after my husband's death until they received the probate papers. This is not the policy for all banks, just some.
Beware of medical assh***es who tell you that they will give pain medication when your husband asks for it. This is bull!!! My Mom became too weak, and too disoriented, the press the call button. Hospice helped me force the institution to schedule regular morphine injections.
Hospitals, and nursing homes, sometimes do what is convenience for them, and in their best interests. Without an advocate, the patient's care can become secondary to 'the rules'.
God bless, and keep going. Cancer is vicious.
Agree 100%. I had hospice in the home, 24 hour nurses, so I could be near hubby but also get some rest.
The first night a nurse was there I was sitting up watching him and nurse told me to go to bed, that is what she was there for and would wake me if need be.
The melanoma is winning. My husband needs to have hospice come in. I'm heartbroken. It has been a 3 year battle and he fought valiantly. But melanoma is a MONSTER to be reckoned with. An enemy Like no other.
My heart is broken. The sadness is unbearable. I am scarred for life.
Just wanted to,share.
This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry. I can't imagine what both of you must be going through. Prayers for you and your hubby..
I am so sorry you and your beloved husband are going through this. I am sure that your being with him every step of this journey means a great deal to him. So, kudos to you, MB.
I suspect you are going through grief now, and I agree, it sucks. My heart goes out to you.
The only thing I can add to what others have said, is to take one day at a time. God bless.
Thank you all very much for your advice. Hospice only comes very little. The nurse once a day to check his vitals. Not sure, NJKATE, how you were able to have a nurse for 24 hours. Maybe you paid privately.
But I have a lot of support. My house is a swinging door with all the visits. My husband is slipping away slowly. My heart is just broken. My goal is to keep him comfortable.
I thought hospice would be of more help. I'm not sure if the nurse will stay longer when my husband gets worse. I did proceed to make the arrangements. I am scarred for life mi just can not imagine my life without my husband.
Once thanks again for all your support and kind wishes.
Thank you all very much for your advice. Hospice only comes very little. The nurse once a day to check his vitals. Not sure, NJKATE, how you were able to have a nurse for 24 hours. Maybe you paid privately.
But I have a lot of support. My house is a swinging door with all the visits. My husband is slipping away slowly. My heart is just broken. My goal is to keep him comfortable.
I thought hospice would be of more help. I'm not sure if the nurse will stay longer when my husband gets worse. I did proceed to make the arrangements. I am scarred for life mi just can not imagine my life without my husband.
Once thanks again for all your support and kind wishes.
I too am heart broken you are going this whole thing.. But from decades of experience with Death and dying, and ICU unconscious patients on ventilators. ONE thing I learned, that These people hear everything said. I talked constantly when tending to unconscious, or folks who appeared to be fading. THEY do hear you but just may not be able to respond. I saw the difference in their vital signs after listening to my prattle about the weather, or turn on music I was told by family members who advised me HE LOVED that song or music and left cassettes of fav's! I saw physiologically how all these things directly affected those incapable of responding!! I are learned a lot!!
But, in your situation, and your dedication to being there for your hubby, PLEASE, take advantage of this time to talk to him, leave nothing unsaid and share all the treasured memories with him!! It's not JUST for him.. but for yourself at this point!! God Bless you and pray your hubby remains pain free and above all comfortable!!
Topic's to speak about often are Daily weather, family you talk to, kids, if any, as to what's going on with them and just fill his perceptive mind with UTD INFO!! You would not believe just how comforting it is for those going thru end of life experiences!!
The only reason I can attest to what I talk about here is because whenever there was a miracle, or recovery of consciousness after periods of coma or appearance of unconsciousness is the "Words that talked about all they recall about what's whispered, told or heard previous to regaining consciousness!
I will, think about what you are going thru and pray for a wonderful and peaceful outcome.!! Bless You and yours.. and do talk to the Hospice nurses.. Some of these nurses are very insightful and understanding!!
Thank you all very much for your advice. Hospice only comes very little. The nurse once a day to check his vitals. Not sure, NJKATE, how you were able to have a nurse for 24 hours. Maybe you paid privately.
But I have a lot of support. My house is a swinging door with all the visits. My husband is slipping away slowly. My heart is just broken. My goal is to keep him comfortable.
I thought hospice would be of more help. I'm not sure if the nurse will stay longer when my husband gets worse. I did proceed to make the arrangements. I am scarred for life mi just can not imagine my life without my husband.
Once thanks again for all your support and kind wishes.
Hospice did not come often for my mother-in-law, or help us very much, either. I guess it depends on which hospice one has because I've heard such good reports from others about them.
But it's good you have lots of support. We did, too, and that's what helped us get through.
I agree with the writer who said to talk to your husband a lot. I'm so sorry this is happening.
I, too, am sorry for your situation. I was where you are less than a year ago.
For us, hospice came every couple of days until his final week. Then they came more often, but I was in no mind to keep track of their comings and goings. They did come when I needed them or if I needed to call them about anything, I could do it 24 hours a day.
Being with him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was also the very best thing I could have done for him AND for me. Even though I felt completely helpless, I was THERE.
My advice is to get as much information from your hubby as you can. If he doesn't have a will, try to get one. The family members that are sweet now won't be when it's Money Time. And my other piece of advice is to keep touching him and telling him that you love him.
Thank you all very much for your advice. Hospice only comes very little. The nurse once a day to check his vitals. Not sure, NJKATE, how you were able to have a nurse for 24 hours. Maybe you paid privately.
But I have a lot of support. My house is a swinging door with all the visits. My husband is slipping away slowly. My heart is just broken. My goal is to keep him comfortable.
I thought hospice would be of more help. I'm not sure if the nurse will stay longer when my husband gets worse. I did proceed to make the arrangements. I am scarred for life mi just can not imagine my life without my husband.
Once thanks again for all your support and kind wishes.
No my husband was treated at VA in FL, but there came the time to stop.
I used Hope Hospice in Cape Coral, he was an in patient for 36 hours when they were trying to mange his pain, once they told me he was transitioning I requested he be brought home that day. My original plan was to get him home to NJ while still alive and they even had hospice in NJ ready.
They set up a hospital bed and oxygen and told me I would have 24 hour nursing until his pain was managed, then I would see a nurse once a day. Unfortunately he passed before the pain was managed and he was way to sick to move him home to NJ.
He had medicare and AARP supplemental insurance. I was told I would not be paying one dime out of pocket and I have not.
Perhaps because SW FL has a high population of senior citizens the hospice there is more accommodating?
That all said, I have heard of people who had a miserable experience with some hospices which is horrible.
I am so sorry you are going through this, those of us who have been there know what you are going through, heartbreaking
Valerie Harper aka Rhoda Morganstern of Mary Tyler Moore Show continues to receive cancer treatment as her husband refuses to give up and admit her to hospice as advised by her doctors. Hollywood stars stepped up to provide funds for the treatment which insurance now refuses to cover. Six years, she was expected to only live three months.
Quote:
“Valerie is currently taking a multitude of medications and chemotherapy drugs as well as going through extreme physical and painful challenges now with around the clock, 24/7 care immediately needed which is not covered by insurance,” she continued. “This is just part of the daily cost that is without a doubt a financial burden that could never be met alone.”
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