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Cute, but the cheapest cabin they have is $47k. Over double our budget for this.
I think you can get them at various stages - for instance, not sheetrocked but then do that yourself. In other words, you can get shells and then finish them out. The shells are considerably less expensive.
I've read 14 pages - so far - and you finally said one thing that clicked - you're in MS - just south of me - I am in SW TN. That changes a lot of what I was going to say - and really might help others jump in with advice, support for you.
For everyone's information: Mississippi is country - poor and services are minimal at best. Even in the cities in MS which declare themselves to be "certified" senior friendly - un uh, no way, not to this former Northeast city/suburbs dweller. At best, there are nursing homes for the Medicaid eligible - clean, not stinky, caring employees -- but not a whole lot of them either. Other services - such as a home visit to determine alzhiemers/dementia are not available except near one of the big cities (big by country southern standards) such as Jackson (state capital). But there are tons of places to find/buy a used mh - or even a "small house/cottage".
OP, if you're not, get on Facebook now and find the groups in your area that are for resale. I've seen 1/2 room buildings for sale. A friend of mine just built a 2 room "storage building" on their property that is big enough for a kitchenette and bathroom to be added for a single person. It's 500 sq ft. There are plenty of those kinds of buildings listed on FB groups - if you send me your location (county), I can help you locate those groups on FB. Also check your local town's weekly newspaper for listings of items for sale - I've seen MH and "outbuildings" for cheap. And the Amish will build to your specifications. I can connect you with one who built us two "storage buildings" - but the larger is big enough for a studio apt. yet is one of his smaller sizes.
I echo what many have said - it is not your MIL's choice whether she likes the MH or the cottage - just as it isn't her choice how her bedroom in your house is decorated. Second, she needs to be paying some of her SS to you to cover her rent and boarding expenses. Not because you need the money but because she needs to do that. That is money you can use to pay for the MH/cottage for her. And, reducing her disposable income to help stop her hoarding (I know she is still doing it - just hiding it from you) is going to help prevent the bedbugs and cockroaches from invading your home.
Good luck - you need it.
Inaccurate. These are all just assumptions based on nothing.
First of all, you don't get "a home visit" to "determine dementia" anywhere. I dont' know where that came from.
It's really rather insulting to me for you to claim the entire state is just a bunch of back woods hillbillies with no actual support or services which is 100% wrong.
I think you missed the part where DW feels she did NOT sign up to be a caregiver but a roommate, and thus is unwilling to take on the normal role that most family members take on to at least get the woman evaluated and find activities for her to enrich her life at 86 years old stuck on their remote 10 acres. And if she had KNOWN the MIL was a PITA she would have somehow arranged for her to live elsewhere in Knoxville. (and I can't say I blame her if it stopped THERE and they didn't bring her up to MS)
And while she may or may not be competent enough to live entire alone....
There are low income income restricted senior housing communities and other resources very close to the Toyota plant in Tupelo, where I assume DW works. And for that matter, people are known to have moved to other STATES when they find a place they like with an opening, or which is affordable, or which offers services they need. This is still a viable option for her in Knoxville if the family doesn't want to be bothered keeping an eye on her up close.
Tupelo is the headquarters of the North Mississippi Medical Center, the largest non-metropolitan hospital in the United States.
But we aren't talking about that. We're talking about DD and DW who took the mother in and now have remorse about it because they didn't know what they were getting into until the moving truck pulled up. And on top of that being in denial that they are the Caregivers now. Regardless of what she may or may not need at the moment.
The challenges they face in MS are no different than any other geographic place in the country. Are there fewer senior "centers" and other resources there than in a urban dense NE city? Probably. They knew that when they moved an 86 year old hoarder up there.
Regardless, The mother wants stuff the family can't provide (her old life back) and the family wants the mother to do stuff that she refuses to do (be a normal person). And the family wants her to just be "a roommate".
That INCLUDES voluntarily getting a medical evaluation.
And that INCLUDES DW thinking she doesn't need POAS.
In other words: Just another Groundhog day on the Caregiving forum
I've read 14 pages - so far - and you finally said one thing that clicked - you're in MS - just south of me - I am in SW TN. That changes a lot of what I was going to say - and really might help others jump in with advice, support for you.
For everyone's information: Mississippi is country - poor and services are minimal at best. Even in the cities in MS which declare themselves to be "certified" senior friendly - un uh, no way, not to this former Northeast city/suburbs dweller. At best, there are nursing homes for the Medicaid eligible - clean, not stinky, caring employees -- but not a whole lot of them either. Other services - such as a home visit to determine alzhiemers/dementia are not available except near one of the big cities (big by country southern standards) such as Jackson (state capital). But there are tons of places to find/buy a used mh - or even a "small house/cottage".
OP, if you're not, get on Facebook now and find the groups in your area that are for resale. I've seen 1/2 room buildings for sale. A friend of mine just built a 2 room "storage building" on their property that is big enough for a kitchenette and bathroom to be added for a single person. It's 500 sq ft. There are plenty of those kinds of buildings listed on FB groups - if you send me your location (county), I can help you locate those groups on FB. Also check your local town's weekly newspaper for listings of items for sale - I've seen MH and "outbuildings" for cheap. And the Amish will build to your specifications. I can connect you with one who built us two "storage buildings" - but the larger is big enough for a studio apt. yet is one of his smaller sizes.
I echo what many have said - it is not your MIL's choice whether she likes the MH or the cottage - just as it isn't her choice how her bedroom in your house is decorated. Second, she needs to be paying some of her SS to you to cover her rent and boarding expenses. Not because you need the money but because she needs to do that. That is money you can use to pay for the MH/cottage for her. And, reducing her disposable income to help stop her hoarding (I know she is still doing it - just hiding it from you) is going to help prevent the bedbugs and cockroaches from invading your home.
Good luck - you need it.
I'm already following a couple of local buy sell trade groups, which is how I found my builder he has already agreed to build the shell, do the wiring, and plumbing while leaving the rest for me to do. A couple of cook outs and me and some friends can finish out the rest. He also agreed to do it in stages so that we can pay cash, no financing at all. It's very important to us that we don't go into debt for any of this. We still aren't going to move forward on anything until she decides that she is staying. I really have no need for another building and don't want to spend the money we saved to do our bathroom remodel if she is just going to go back to TN.
Luckily she has no way to move anything in here without us knowing. She has no car right now so she can't go get anything to bring in. The car we are leasing for her is a tiny sub compact Yaris, with no trunk to speak of, so no room to haul much.
We positioned the cottage location so that she can't drive up to the door so anything that she takes in there will have to pass right by my front window (down a brick walkway) to get in and she would have to carry it or ask for help.
I'm already following a couple of local buy sell trade groups, which is how I found my builder he has already agreed to build the shell, do the wiring, and plumbing while leaving the rest for me to do. A couple of cook outs and me and some friends can finish out the rest. He also agreed to do it in stages so that we can pay cash, no financing at all. It's very important to us that we don't go into debt for any of this. We still aren't going to move forward on anything until she decides that she is staying. I really have no need for another building and don't want to spend the money we saved to do our bathroom remodel if she is just going to go back to TN.
Luckily she has no way to move anything in here without us knowing. She has no car right now so she can't go get anything to bring in. The car we are leasing for her is a tiny sub compact Yaris, with no trunk to speak of, so no room to haul much.
We positioned the cottage location so that she can't drive up to the door so anything that she takes in there will have to pass right by my front window (down a brick walkway) to get in and she would have to carry it or ask for help.
How long have you given her to make up her mind about where she will settle?
How long have you given her to make up her mind about where she will settle?
Last time we were discussing living arrangements, a couple of weeks ago, she shut down and left the room crying, so we decided to discuss it at a later time. Between the wifes long work hours and back to school prep, we haven't had the opportunity to get back to that one. I'm hoping to broach the subject again this weekend.
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OP, you are getting yourself in seriously deep water from which you will not be able to recover.
At the risk of being HARSH, back out if you still can. I'm serious. This situation will KILL you, a thousand times.
My heart bleeds for you because I know how hard it is to say no. But dammit, you must say no, and hope it isn't too late.
I'm afraid this is correct.
I would apply for senior housing back in TN and move her back when it becomes available.
I would be really worried about that bedbug infestation. Are you aware that they can get into a person's clothing in their house and hitch rides to other people's homes? This happened to someone I know....they got them from a visitor whose home was infested. So, not bringing any upholstered furniture may not have been enough to stop them from coming along for the ride. I would keep a close check on that for a long while, if I were you.
I would apply for senior housing back in TN and move her back when it becomes available.
I would be really worried about that bedbug infestation. Are you aware that they can get into a person's clothing in their house and hitch rides to other people's homes? This happened to someone I know....they got them from a visitor whose home was infested. So, not bringing any upholstered furniture may not have been enough to stop them from coming along for the ride. I would keep a close check on that for a long while, if I were you.
Everything brought in is being heat treated in a bed bug tent. It has a heater that brings the tent up to 150 and keeps it at that temp for 2 hours. According to the pest control company that will kill any bugs and eggs that may be on or in items. Anything that can't go through the heat treat is being discarded.
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