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The funeral home we took him to get cremated, was a different story.
My father died in January 1973, when I was 15. My mother and I were set on cremation, which is technically a violation of the Jewish religion. Our Rabbi recommended using a non-Jewish funeral home, both for lower cost and for more considerate treatment. My mother insisted on trying Riverside, a Jewish funeral home. When the director or a salesman approached us in the waiting room he said "you realize we're a Jewish facility?" I guess the fact that we were both redheads (coincidence) threw hm off. I whispered to my mother I wanted to leave.
When we went downstairs to look at caskets the salesman said "this is our cheapest, a pine box. You'd probably feel guilty using that. This time I insisted on leaving. We went to Ballard-Duran in White Plains. The experience, as predicted by our Rabbi, was more friendly. Far more. We used them and they took care of everything after the funeral, which was two days later.
More to that point, in December 1972, just before he died, I purchased the National Lampoon issue which coincidentally focused on "Death." A few months later I read Evelyn Waugh's The Loved One, a parody of the funeral home industry. I felt both appropriate to the circumstances.
My father died in January 1973, when I was 15. My mother and I were set on cremation, which is technically a violation of the Jewish religion. Our Rabbi recommended using a non-Jewish funeral home, both for lower cost and for more considerate treatment. My mother insisted on trying Riverside, a Jewish funeral home. When the director or a salesman approached us in the waiting room he said "you realize we're a Jewish facility?" I guess the fact that we were both redheads (coincidence) threw hm off. I whispered to my mother I wanted to leave.
When we went downstairs to look at caskets the salesman said "this is our cheapest, a pine box. You'd probably feel guilty using that. This time I insisted on leaving. We went to Ballard-Duran in White Plains. The experience, as predicted by our Rabbi, was more friendly. Far more. We used them and they took care of everything after the funeral, which was two days later.
I appreciate you sharing your story with me.
I cant believe of the greed and lack of compassion for the grieving. Taking advantage of the dying and a family in disarray is a inhumane practice, allowed to happen in the greatest country in the world.
The end should be part of the discussion going on in health care right now.
I cant believe of the greed and lack of compassion for the grieving. Taking advantage of the dying and a family in disarray is a inhumane practice, allowed to happen in the greatest country in the world.
The end should be part of the discussion going on in health care right now.
Thanks for your post. That situation was in early 1973. My experiences were far better with my stepfather's and mother's recent deaths in 2013 and 2014. Also in those years the family consisted of myself (in 2013 56 years old), my wife (in 2013 53 years old), my stepsisters (59 and 56 years old), and my stepbrother (62 years old). In 1973 it was my 40 year old mother and me, 15 at the time. Unlike in 1973 the synagogue was quite involved with a funeral home owned by a member, so that funeral home didn't want to jeopardize its major source of referrals. In 1973 there were no laws as to disclosure of separate prices for items such as the casket and for various services. Now there are.
Maybe it's only my situation or maybe things have gotten better since 1973.
My father died in January 1973, when I was 15. My mother and I were set on cremation, which is technically a violation of the Jewish religion. Our Rabbi recommended using a non-Jewish funeral home, both for lower cost and for more considerate treatment. My mother insisted on trying Riverside, a Jewish funeral home. When the director or a salesman approached us in the waiting room he said "you realize we're a Jewish facility?" I guess the fact that we were both redheads (coincidence) threw hm off. I whispered to my mother I wanted to leave.
When we went downstairs to look at caskets the salesman said "this is our cheapest, a pine box. You'd probably feel guilty using that. This time I insisted on leaving. We went to Ballard-Duran in White Plains. The experience, as predicted by our Rabbi, was more friendly. Far more. We used them and they took care of everything after the funeral, which was two days later.
I know its been 44 years, but my condolences on losing your father at age 15.
In 2009, my father died at the age of 84. My mother was not emotionally able to do it and my one sister lived across the country in Wisconsin, so the funeral arrangements fell on my shoulders.
I went to a very old funeral home that had been run for generations by the same family. It was large and had perhaps six other funeral homes in nearby cities. Being in Utah, the family who ran it was LDS or Mormon as I am.
I received the ultimate in compassionate, ethical treatment. They put me so at ease during my meeting that I even made jokes about their dark black clothing. I suggested modern funeral directors could wear a lighter shade of gray.
When we got the bill we were not charged for the use of auditorium for services or for the very competent pianist provided by the funeral home. Total bill for cremation, services, and urn was under $3,000. I even called the funeral home to make certain the lack of charges for those services was not a mistake. No, it was deliberate. The owner of the funeral home knew my father and simply refused to bill for those services.
Too often, when we evaluate costs, we fail to see the entire range of services a business must provide. For example, a funeral home must send body removal men to your home to carefully remove the remains of a loved one. This has to be done carefully and with the utmost discretion. It requires specific equipment to do the job properly. I cannot imagine less pleasant work than removing a dead body from a home.
My experiences were highly positive and I developed a new found respect for funeral directors that I did not have after attending funerals and viewings over the years.
I know its been 44 years, but my condolences on losing your father at age 15.
Thanks. In my case it was eased by the speed that my mother met her future husband. He was actually the father of one of my elementary school classmates and I had met him twice, once during my father's illness on or about November 10, 1972 (I remember since it was right after the election and I was cycling to a roller hockey game). I rapidly grew very close to him.
[quote=markg91359;48079959] In 2009, my father died at the age of 84. My mother was not emotionally able to do it and my one sister lived across the country in Wisconsin, so the funeral arrangements fell on my shoulders.
I went to a very old funeral home that had been run for generations by the same family. It was large and had perhaps six other funeral homes in nearby cities. Being in Utah, the family who ran it was LDS or Mormon as I am.
I received the ultimate in compassionate, ethical treatment. They put me so at ease during my meeting that I even made jokes about their dark black clothing. I suggested modern funeral directors could wear a lighter shade of gray.[/qutoe]That was great.
Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359
When we got the bill we were not charged for the use of auditorium for services or for the very competent pianist provided by the funeral home. Total bill for cremation, services, and urn was under $3,000. I even called the funeral home to make certain the lack of charges for those services was not a mistake. No, it was deliberate. The owner of the funeral home knew my father and simply refused to bill for those services.
In my father's case we had the funeral at the synagogue so musical and clerical costs were included with a small donation expected. When my mother and stepfather died we elected a graveside funeral. We belonged to the same Temple. The music, in both cases the Rabbi's and Cantor's singing were included, for the same donation.
The main negativity was with the first "funeral home," which was and remains to this day a racket.
I had a very pleasant experience and a surprising one. My mother was to be cremated but they said I had to come 'identify the body' which turned out to be like a private viewing. I was allowed to sit as long as I wanted with her beautifully appointed. Unprepared for this, I borrowed some books they had with Bible verses, other nice things to read, and songs to sing.
Thanks for your post. That situation was in early 1973. My experiences were far better with my stepfather's and mother's recent deaths in 2013 and 2014. Also in those years the family consisted of myself (in 2013 56 years old), my wife (in 2013 53 years old), my stepsisters (59 and 56 years old), and my stepbrother (62 years old). In 1973 it was my 40 year old mother and me, 15 at the time. Unlike in 1973 the synagogue was quite involved with a funeral home owned by a member, so that funeral home didn't want to jeopardize its major source of referrals. In 1973 there were no laws as to disclosure of separate prices for items such as the casket and for various services. Now there are.
Maybe it's only my situation or maybe things have gotten better since 1973.
I am glad you had a better experience lately. My father died in 2015 at 83yrs old. My immediate thought was "Is this one of those places that bury's the body in the back and gives you coals". My cousin, who works for him and is 58, told me he is known for being so rude and taking advantage of people after I told him what happened. I wanted to jump over his desk and beat respect out of him, my mother was so upset, knowing my cousin worked there saved him.
I am so glad you had a better experience mine was in FL
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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There are plenty of great Funeral homes / experiences. (and plenty of poor) The funeral 'lobby' / political clout can be overwhelming (Don't die in Nebraska!).
I have used and referred people to "Personal Alternatives" (Canada based, but in western USA)
and my favorite.
I am glad you had a better experience lately. My father died in 2015 at 83yrs old. My immediate thought was "Is this one of those places that bury's the body in the back and gives you coals". My cousin, who works for him and is 58, told me he is known for being so rude and taking advantage of people after I told him what happened. I wanted to jump over his desk and beat respect out of him, my mother was so upset, knowing my cousin worked there saved him.
I am so glad you had a better experience mine was in FL
As I said the 2013 and 2014 experiences couldn't have been better. 1973 would have been fodder for the National Lampoon December 1972 issue on Death or Evelyn Waugh's parody of Forest Lawn Cemetery in The Loved One.
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