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Old 07-26-2009, 07:34 AM
 
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One of our neighbors died of cancer. I see obituary in the paper. We had the typical neighbor relationship, a few waves and a few short conversations through the years. We were not friends but friendly.

Is it more appropriate to attend the wake in the funeral home, or the funeral it self? Considering we were just friendly not friends.

 
Old 07-26-2009, 07:39 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,537 posts, read 19,405,892 times
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Seems it would be easier to express your condolences to the family at the wake, since they're set up for that sort of thing. To some people though, the number of friends who attend the funeral is important, as if it's the final tally of worth.
 
Old 07-26-2009, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,697,018 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
One of our neighbors died of cancer. I see obituary in the paper. We had the typical neighbor relationship, a few waves and a few short conversations through the years. We were not friends but friendly.

Is it more appropriate to attend the wake in the funeral home, or the funeral it self? Considering we were just friendly not friends.
The wake or both. The wake is for the family. That's where you'll have a chance to help support them in their time of need. As to the funeral, it's really the total number of people who attend, not any one who isn't close to the family. I don't remember all the people who came to my mom's funeral but I remember there were a lot of them. It was the size of her funeral that mattered. Individuals mattered at the wake because I could talk to them there and find out how they knew her.
 
Old 07-26-2009, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,673,685 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
One of our neighbors died of cancer. I see obituary in the paper. We had the typical neighbor relationship, a few waves and a few short conversations through the years. We were not friends but friendly.

Is it more appropriate to attend the wake in the funeral home, or the funeral it self? Considering we were just friendly not friends.
Are these things you should really ask others for an opinion?

I thought there are some spectra of life which are above opinion.
 
Old 07-26-2009, 07:41 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,194,930 times
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Let me put it this way. If a storm hit your neighbor's house, would you pitch in to help? If the house caught on fire, would you do everything in your power to assist? Similarly, a disaster has happened in your neighbors lives. They are devastated by the tragedy. Small things like cooking meals can suddenly seem like huge ordeals. They need all the help and support they can get.

Be the generous person. Take brownies or food, for they will be too exhausted to cook. Offer to run an errand or two for the stricken family. Pop into during the visitation to see the family. It takes 10 minutes, tops. Then attend the funeral.
 
Old 07-26-2009, 08:09 AM
 
23,903 posts, read 31,130,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Are these things you should really ask others for an opinion?

I thought there are some spectra of life which are above opinion.
Honestly. You took the words outta my mouth.
 
Old 07-26-2009, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,039,386 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
One of our neighbors died of cancer. I see obituary in the paper. We had the typical neighbor relationship, a few waves and a few short conversations through the years. We were not friends but friendly.

Is it more appropriate to attend the wake in the funeral home, or the funeral it self? Considering we were just friendly not friends.
I'd go to the funeral home for the visitation there - that's typically where people in your situation would go to express condolances. The funeral itself is for those grieving who loved the person and need the spiritual comfort of the funeral service.
 
Old 07-26-2009, 10:11 AM
 
5,007 posts, read 7,663,596 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
One of our neighbors died of cancer. I see obituary in the paper. We had the typical neighbor relationship, a few waves and a few short conversations through the years. We were not friends but friendly.

Is it more appropriate to attend the wake in the funeral home, or the funeral it self? Considering we were just friendly not friends.
I think you or the Mrs. should make a casserole, sign a sympathy card together, and bring them over to their house together in person with your condolences. That's your part.
 
Old 07-26-2009, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,159,862 times
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The wake is really for those who knew the person and/or the family. Since you did not know the neighbor well you are not expected to attend the funeral.

It would be nice to contact the family. You could drop a card and maybe a basket of fruit to the house. Or you may want to stop by the funeral home during "vistation" when the family will be there. (check with the funeral home for the time) Give the family your name and phone number and tell them they are welcome to contact you.
 
Old 07-26-2009, 11:12 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,520,978 times
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I would say the wake. It is more casual and the family members visit with those people who have come.

They will more than likely see that you cared enough to come and visit with them while at a funeral sometimes everything is a blur.

I know I have no idea of all the different people who came to my parents funeral.

Let them know that if there is anything you can do (if you can) to let them know.

I would present them with a card and maybe bring some food over to their home.
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