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My brother (with MS) can't be lifted any way but a crane (I forget the actual name of the device) in a nursing home, yet he still went home. Broke his scooter trying to get in it. The seat-back can't hold 'dead weight' up. My sister and two men tried to lift him and couldn't.
He found another 'roommate' who of course can't lift him but he wanted to give that a go. She can bring him food and whatnot. We can only speculate as to whether she is willing to clean him up or even physically able to. In any case, she wasn't there at all on Sunday. She doesn't actually stay all the time, she was at her boyfriend's, so I am unsure what that arrangement really was.
He says this only happens at night, so he can stay home. Had a screaming match with my sister who isn't *****-footing around. She told his neighbor friend he isn't really helping, he's enabling. My brother told the neighbor friend there is a law that once you start voluntarily helping someone in his condition he is now obligated to continue.
IDK if that is one of his 'jokes'. That it something he would say as a 'joke'. She didn't think it was funny, that is all I know.
He fired her as his home health care company. Told her 'I do NOT like you'. Called our Dad and said to get us away from him. Dad said sorry, I can't do that.
He volunteered to her the thing about the expected Russian Bride. That is why he doesn't need to pay the house keeper or pest control for the roaches or a lawn service for grass and weeds up to my sister's shoulder. The city sent me a notice they will do it themselves, charge us, and tack on a fine.
He said no money needs to be wasted on that until she is on her way, and then he will get that handled. My interpretation of that is that every dollar is earmarked for whatever the costs of getting this imaginary woman over here, and he won't jeopardize it. I have no idea if this is the same one that was charging by the minute to talk to him. Which should have been a tip off she wasn't real. Other people think he is expecting her to do all that.
He said again today that he resigns. He went back in to the nursing home, but we all know he will change his mind and do this all over again. When it comes time for the social worker to talk about assets and Medicaid he will balk again. He's not going to give up his Russian Bride money, or whatever he has left to parlay in the stock market. I am close to having his mail forwarded and digging into his finances but I tell myself no, just let this play out.
Sister says he has to tell them and spend down. I say he won't. She says he has to. Well, ok, but he won't! She's like ok, then we do this over and over until he does.
What is really effing horrible about this is that it's like we need his condition not to have an upswing. Because it's never going to get better enough to stay at home, we sort of need it not to do a temporary upswing elongating this process. It's flat out dangerous.
She swears that APS has to act getting calls from rehab and EMS and 2 others. I'm like ok, I know you know their guidelines, but we have hoped for APS before for nothing. This is not the first time he's had 4 people call. Before, the nursing home and EMS and I and a neighbor or neighbors did and that came to nothing.
If he passes the cognitive test, they will let him be this way. That is my understanding. She said last week that was hers, but this week she is insisting that they MUST. Maybe she is sort of railing against them not doing it. IDK. To me it's madness. Danger to self. What no one wants is for him to crack his head and that be the way he finally gets admitted. Or dies.
Adopt-A Yard service is for senior neighbors who are physically or financially unable to maintain their yards. Volunteers adopt a client’s yard through the growing season and tend to mowing every other week or as dictated by the growing season. MCCC can provide a lawn mower if necessary. This is an excellent group volunteer opportunity for families, bible study groups, youth organizations, and businesses teaming as one unit to assist a senior throughout the season.
When my mother was alive I didn't know about this. 211 directed me to a church that would do the yard once, all of it, not just mowing and edging. Just once. This group would have done it every other week.
It's only for seniors, not his age and disabled, but maybe they will make an exception one time. To get us out of trouble with the city for now. Otherwise I am just going to have to pay for it myself.
The other stuff they offer is pretty cool too. Helping Seniors stay at home. I don't want to help my brother stay at home anymore, but if he persists I'd like to at least make it better. Not easier to, there is a difference.
jencam, for the love of all that is holy, please stop trying to help your brother. He is so utterly delusional, and you constantly let him wind up. Stop reacting to his self-inflicted crises. Until he can be declared mentally incompetent (a long way off), there is nothing you can do.
P.S. If you forward his mail without his permission, you are committing a crime. Just step out.
I thought you've disengaged from this situation? It sounds like he doesn't really care if the city deals with his yard situation, let him deal with the repercussions if he won't handle it. If he leaves the nursing home, how exactly does he get home?
What he said to the neighbor, whether it's a joke or not, is demented. And goes to show he's still playing games. It's madness all right, but that's how he wants to play it-- just don't play along with it.
Sorry you are caught up in this, Jen. It must weigh heavily on your shoulders.
....wish I had answers for you.
Take care of yourself.
I agree.
You may just have to step away and let "the chips fall where they may" for your brother. I suspect that you are worried that your brother's behavior is hurting your elderly father but it is up to your father to set his own boundaries and care of his own health.
Look at it this way, if something happened to you such as a serious illness or your job moves 2,000 miles away or (heaven forbid) you die, you would not be able to worry about or help your brother anymore. He would need to manage on his own. After all you and your family have done for him, it seems like it is time to step back and let him live his life the way that he wants to live it. He will either sink or swim.
I really haven't done anything but talk to my sister. She spent 3 hours on Sunday with him. Everytime he asked her to get something for him she said get it yourself. You came home, because you say you can take care of yourself. So do it. Over and over. Everything he needed or wanted she said do. it. yourself.
The neighbor friend was just staring at her like OMG. She wasn't playing. She told him to STOP enabling. Stop 'helping'.
I am Wow. I did that sort of thing a decade ago, when he was able but malingering for attention. He threw a chair at me.
She doesn't lack empathy but she doesn't see helping him in any way to be at home as a good thing, so to her this is caring, I guess. Pushing him in the direction that is right for him.
I haven't been able to do that. He would just call Dad and I was there in place of Dad. She had him on a Sunday. Dad doesn't come back into town on Sundays. Also he doesn't feel comfortable with her to throw chairs or scream to get out.
He did say I DO NOT LIKE YOU. And fired her as his home health care coordinator.
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