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I have a love-hate relationship with my cat. And its not because he's a cat, its because he specifically can be an a**hole (I've had another cat before as a child that was great, so I've always been a cat person rather than a dog person). He's cool with everything else cat-related (he's well-trained, doesn't jump on counters/tables, doesn't beg for food but waits patiently in his "food spot," etc.) but what irks me the most is that he loves to spy. Not watch or observe, SPY. He has to watch you from a hiding place. He's a black cat, and loves to blend in to our black bookshelf or a dark shadow, or hide behind something inconspicous and watch you and he STARES YOU DOWN. My husband has no problem with this, but I hate his voyeurism. We have a bell on him so I generally know where he is most times, but he walks extra cautiously to keep it from ringing on purpose. When I catch him and shoo him away, he'll just go find a better vantage point and freak me out again. Its nerve-wrecking.
I'm also his "chosen one," the favorite person he seems to adore and love although he ignores and is aloof to others, and this designation can be exhausting. Sometimes he seems obsessed with me, watching me, following me, but in a sneaky way that is irksome. It makes me wanna put him outside or trap him in the basement and away from me.
He's very loving though, we've definitely had moments when we've connected for sure, but I'm probably just as independent in nature as he is and need my space, and we don't always want that at the same time.
Anyone else have a cat like this? Any way to discourage this type of behavior? How to deal with this?
I have a love-hate relationship with my cat. And its not because he's a cat, its because he specifically can be an a**hole (I've had another cat before as a child that was great, so I've always been a cat person rather than a dog person). He's cool with everything else cat-related (he's well-trained, doesn't jump on counters/tables, doesn't beg for food but waits patiently in his "food spot," etc.) but what irks me the most is that he loves to spy. Not watch or observe, SPY. He has to watch you from a hiding place. He's a black cat, and loves to blend in to our black bookshelf or a dark shadow, or hide behind something inconspicous and watch you and he STARES YOU DOWN. My husband has no problem with this, but I hate his voyeurism. We have a bell on him so I generally know where he is most times, but he walks extra cautiously to keep it from ringing on purpose. When I catch him and shoo him away, he'll just go find a better vantage point and freak me out again. Its nerve-wrecking.
I'm also his "chosen one," the favorite person he seems to adore and love although he ignores and is aloof to others, and this designation can be exhausting. Sometimes he seems obsessed with me, watching me, following me, but in a sneaky way that is irksome. It makes me wanna put him outside or trap him in the basement and away from me.
He's very loving though, we've definitely had moments when we've connected for sure, but I'm probably just as independent in nature as he is and need my space, and we don't always want that at the same time.
Anyone else have a cat like this? Any way to discourage this type of behavior? How to deal with this?
Most cats are like this with the exceptions of course. There really is nothing you can do about it besides fill all of his 'spying' spots. It is a natural instinct for cats to do this, obviously some enjoy it more than others. I have always had cats and currently have a black cat. They have all done the same thing on some level.
As mentioned, this is instinctive behavior for cats, in some it is more developed than others. My little black girl likes to hide and peek out too, but it doesn't bother me. In fact I have provided her with many Box Forts and other areas to accommodate her.
When he hides and stares, what he is doing is hunting. Get out a toy and play with him for a little while, to satisfy that hunting instinct, and then he will go about his business.
I have one cat that stares at me a lot. I'm her "chosen one" too. Another cat stares occasionally, and the youngest is too busy to stare...yet. I also have two dogs that stare off and on, particularly when they want something, like to go outside, or because it's only an hour until dinnertime. Yes sometimes it's exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by kids saying "Mom! Mom! Hey, Mom!" But I think we should take it as a compliment, even so. Our animals need us and that's part of the deal when we take them in. They give so much in return.
I'm going to try filling/eliminating his hiding spots. I just can't tolerate the spying. I don't mind him staring at me out in the open, next to my feet or something or him staring when he wants something.
Its good to know he sort of can't help it. The cat I had growing up never did this (at least not to this extreme extent), so it was quite a shock to me.
I also had him stay with family members for a month while I was overseas, and when I came back my cousin went through the same thing and said "You're cat freaks me out--he's always trying to spy on me!" It seems he overly does it to only select people. Either that or we are specifically sensitive to it!
As mentioned, this is instinctive behavior for cats, in some it is more developed than others. My little black girl likes to hide and peek out too, but it doesn't bother me. In fact I have provided her with many Box Forts and other areas to accommodate her.
When he hides and stares, what he is doing is hunting. Get out a toy and play with him for a little while, to satisfy that hunting instinct, and then he will go about his business.
Do you have the play cube? We have that for Caille and had it for Smudge as well and they absolutely go wild with those things. I had to order my new one for Caille online from Shanghai via ebay. It is the nylon one not the cloth ones you can find in the stores now. I gave my neighbor one for her cats and sent one to my girlfriend as well, they all love the cube.
I also have a black cat who always watches and follows me. Although he does it right out in the open. When I have taken him to the groomers and am at home by myself, I find myself constantly thinking I see him out of the corner of my eye, because when I am home, he keeps me in his line of site 90% of the time.
I don't know that I'd eliminate his spots. After all, he's not really intending to spy. I think the staring and going into cubbyholes are two separate behaviors. He likes to look at you, and also is a cat who likes to feel secure in a little nook. So, naturally he does both these things at the same time. If you take away the one that's the most bothersome to you, hopefully that will be enough. If he starts feeling insecure because a lot of his "safe places" are gone you may find yourself with a new problem or two.
I have a love-hate relationship with my cat. And its not because he's a cat, its because he specifically can be an a**hole (I've had another cat before as a child that was great, so I've always been a cat person rather than a dog person).
Brevity snipped.
I don't see where you have a problem. Why do you care if he's watching you? What else does he have to do? He may be bored for lack of a window to look out (kitty TV) and toys to play to play with and cat trees to climb and scramble on.
I'm going to try filling/eliminating his hiding spots. I just can't tolerate the spying. I don't mind him staring at me out in the open, next to my feet or something or him staring when he wants something.
Its good to know he sort of can't help it. The cat I had growing up never did this (at least not to this extreme extent), so it was quite a shock to me.
I also had him stay with family members for a month while I was overseas, and when I came back my cousin went through the same thing and said "You're cat freaks me out--he's always trying to spy on me!" It seems he overly does it to only select people. Either that or we are specifically sensitive to it!
Thanks for your responses.
Aw don't do that. That would be mean. He's being who he is. How would you like having your favorite hobby taken away from you?
Cats love to crouch in hidey holes and watch their world. Just look at any decent cat tree. They all have a cubby or hidey hole of some sort. That's what cats do.
When he spies on you, distract him with an interactive Game. After he's had some attention from you he will be likely to curl up for a nap (in one of his hidey spots) or go sit in a window and watch the birds. (so if you don't have a bird feeder, get one)
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. Yes sometimes it's exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by kids saying "Mom! Mom! Hey, Mom!" But I think we should take it as a compliment, even so. Our animals need us and that's part of the deal when we take them in. They give so much in return.
Why do you care if he's watching you? What else does he have to do? He may be bored for lack of a window to look out (kitty TV) and toys to play to play with and cat trees to climb and scramble on.
