Mistake to relocate/Too late (Charlotte, Gastonia: crime rate, new home, find a job)

[brokensky]

Oh dear. What a situation to be in . . . new house, new job, imminent move and feeling dismal about it.

I am a native and had been living in the midwest, and I was in no hurry to leave my beautiful home and neighborhood and all my wonderful friends . . . it was very hard! And I have a huge extended family here and very close friends who go back decades!

Leaving your comfort zone can be frightening and you may even go through a period of "grief and mourning" for your former neighborhood and friends. This is normal as you have been happy where you are . . .

I fear that you have read negative things on the forum and that has also impacted how you feel. That is too bad b/c you have chosen a beautiful area to live in and you will quickly find that there are so many people who have moved here from the NE . . . there are doubtless people you will meet from near where you lived.

Now I have to say this: the stuff about the sex offenders . . . that is just not a reason to get stressed. In my previous neighborhood, wh/ was very upscale and full of professional people . . . I never thought a thing about "sexual predators." Our crime was low . . . but then after moving here, I found that states were putting sex registries online and to my utter horror, when I checked on my former neighborhood, there were registered sex offenders all around the periphery! Of course, when I started checking out what they had done . . . most were things like mailing porno, teens having sex w/ someone more than 5 years younger than themselves, etc. It really did not seem so heinous when I realized NOT ONE was a pedophile. Not excusing the behaviors! But not like they were pedophiles roaming the streets.

Same for here. I have some registered sex offenders at the periphery of my neighborhood . . . but none are rapists or pedophiles. So really. What does it mean? My point is - had I found those sex registries while I still lived in my previous neighborhood, I would have been freaked out. In the end, it was never a threat.

It seems people from the NE often come here w/ distorted images about the South in general and NC in particular. I grew up here. I never knew a person who committed a crime, LOL. I knew plenty of kids who got speeding tickets! But that was the extent of the law enforcement encounters that I have known since being a kid here. I knew someone who got in trouble w/ the IRS. But have I had a friend, relative or neighbor who has been the victim of crime? No. Well, I have a friend who got her car "keyed" in a strip mall parking lot.

Now I know crime goes on . . . how? Cause I read about it and see it splashed all over the media. When I first moved here, DH and I would turn on the TV in the mornings and say "Well, who got shot last nite?" We had never seen anything like it! We thought we were living in a war zone. Then we realized - all this stuff was taking place in areas of the city wh/ were known for crime and usually it was b/n people who knew each other. WHere we had lived previously (Kansas City) the same things went on daily, but we never heard about it (or rarely did) b/c the news media just didn't broadcast it. Yet, I was very certain about the two areas of KCMO that I should not venture into . . . as they were high crime areas. The first thing I learned when I moved to KCMO was where NOT TO GO. But that is what I find out b/f I travel to any city! Every city has places you do NOT want to venture into.

Sadly, this stuff gets magnified in our small online community here on this forum. None of us wants crime in any part of our city, but let's be frank. It is gonna happen in every city and we are not immune here in CLT.

So yes, you are not moving to Philly or NYC or CHI. You are not going to be in a suburb where you can get to the Big City in an hour. Nope. You are moving to Charlotte. One of the appealing reasons for moving here is - we do have so many nice burbs. That means - wonderful places to raise a family!

When I want my Big City fix, I head for CHI, DC, ATL or KCMO. I can drive to ATL easily . . . and DC is a nice trip as well. Otherwise, I find everything I need in CLT (including terrific shopping). The best thing . . . are the wonderful people I have met . . . and that makes even simple events fun.

Take the advice from people who have posted here. Don't come here feeling negative and comparing the region to where you have left. You must look at this as an adventure for you and your family. When I moved to KCMO, things were soooo different . . . but I considered it a Grand Adventure and embraced the differences. If a Southern girl can leave the South (something we just never do!!!) and love her new city . . . then surely you can come here and find wonderful things for yourself and your family.

[stmaarten]

Originally Posted by ssd3

I think we made a huge mistake to relocate to the Charlotte area, but it is too late. We closed on our house in NJ this Monday and my husband already started a job in Gastonia in January. We are having a house built in Lincolnton/Denver area. We love where we live in NJ but just can't afford to live here on one salary while I stay home to raise my kids. Taxes are very high. Where we live is very safe (never lock our doors) and beautiful with lots of history and close to mountains, beaches, lakes and NYC. I am so sad to be leaving such a great area. The more I read about the Charlotte area the more I am regreting our move. Just for example I looked at the sex offender registry in many of the surrounding areas and there are tons of registered sex offenders in the area. We have one (in my area which consists of 5 towns)and he is in jail (yes I know there are offenders not registered but I am just looking at what is on paper in black and white. I found nothing quaint or charming about the area. I am sorry if I am offending anyone. I know I don't like it when people knock NJ (and boy do they). We lived outside of Charleston, SC many years ago and loved it. It had the beach and beautiful, charming and quaint Charleston and so close to areas like Hilton Head and Myrtle Beach. I just don't see the appeal of the Charlotte area( again sorry if I offend anyone) What am I missing?????

"Fear is courage waiting to be born.".....or something like that...
Been there, ssd3. It's the fear of the unknown. It would be unusual for you not to be feeling this way.
We were in the same postion about a year ago, excepy your husband has a job before you get here! That's 3/4 of the battle! Do you realize how many NY/NJ'ers would LOVE to be in the position you're in?
1. your house in NJ is sold (nearly impossible to do in NJ these days, IMO)
2. your husband already has a job in the area (another very difficult achievement in today's job market.)
3. you are having a house built in a very up-and-coming area around Charlotte.
What more can you possibly ask for? Focus only on the positive and you'll do just fine.

[GirlTravels]

Originally Posted by tpr

This was the biggest mistake of our lives. We made our move because we stressed about money every week. We thought our lives would be a little easier down here with our four kids. Absolutely not. It does not out weigh family, old friends, roots and connections. Its been two years and we tried hard, but our house is up for sale and if it sells or not we are out of here. We are going to to embrace the cold and probably live in a much smaller home and I am thrilled. I urge anyone who comes from a tight family DON'T DO IT!

I agree with the spirit of this post, and I am very happy in Charlotte. Moving anywhere just because you think it will be financially easier is likely a huge mistake. There has to be more to a decision to move to a city and to leave friends and family. I think a lot of people move down south thinking they'll suddenly be financially better off and are disappointed, and then realize they have left everything truly important to them.

Now, I think Charlotte is a great place to live... but I moved here for a whole host of reasons, and money was not one of them.

GT

[jerseygirl34]

[quote=ssd3;3122470]I think we made a huge mistake to relocate to the Charlotte area, but it is too late. We closed on our house in NJ this Monday and my husband already started a job in Gastonia in January. We are having a house built in Lincolnton/Denver area.
You're not offending anyone because you aren't moving to Charlotte. You're moving to Lincolnton/Denver. Maybe you'd feel better if you were actually in Charlotte. Your husband would have a reverse commute which wouldn't be bad.

[Julia1997]

I have to agree on the family issue. If contact with your family and old friends is very important to you on daily basis. For me it is, than stay living close to your family. In my culture people don't relocate as much. We have deep roots. When I left 12 years ago it took me a long time to at least be comfortable with it. I have a wonderful husband but we did almost split up because of this problem. It depends on your personality as well. I am extremely close to my family in Europe. But still I am planning to move back there eventually. I don't think I will ever feel home anywhere else than just there. If I could make the decision again I would make it clear to my husband from the beginning that I will not move.

[snowflake]

I think it is perfectly natural or be uneasy or frightened about change. You are moving from what you know to the unknown. There are sex offenders everywhere so that really isn't too much of an issue. I think the real issue is leaving your comfort zone and hopefully before long you will feel right at home here. The first few months my daughter was here she had all kinds of mixed feeling. She is a SAHM. Now she has a lot of new friends, her kids are settled and love it here and she is very happy. Give yourself some time and good luck with your move.

[ssd3]

Thank you everyone!! I do tend to over react but this is such a huge move and such a different area and culture. I know I need to give it time. It would be much easier if I could bring the rest of my family, but that will never happen. The main reason we are moving is financial, not because we want to, I'm sure this has a lot to do with my feelings.
To answer some questions asked of me on this thread. We live in Hunterdon County NJ and if anyone knows the area it is just beautiful(I grew up in Morris County,Randolph NJ)
Also I will not be down in the Lincolnton area until June after my oldest graduates from high school. (He just got accepted to Applachian State for fall 2008. My husband will be coming back once a month to NJ for a visit but that is it .
The reason I picked Lincolnton(actually wanted Denver) was because it is rural. Charlotte is nice but the houses are way too close together for me, as it is 3/4 of an acre is still too close for me. I will keep you up to date on how I am adjusting to NC once I actually get there. I wish you all the best and thank you again for your input. I really hope I did not offend anyone. Most of us love where we live and don't like when people have anything bad to say.
BTW I do have two good friends in the area, one in Waxhaw and the other in the University area, so that does help a little.

[mrsjdaniels]

ssd3...I liken relocation to going away to college.

Going "away" to college is a scary feeling. You are young, not quite yet and adult and suddenly you are in a new city, you know no one and you are expected to fend for yourself. The scariest thing about that is change.

But the great part about relocation is that you are not alone. There are so many people in your situation and you have your family to depend upon now. I think it can only make you stronger.

Me, I am not too stressed about leaving, only about the "move" itself...moving is stressful. I love my parents and family and will my nieces and nephews greatly but I can visit them whenever I please.

This move is a step in the right direction for our family and can take us to places that our current situation can't. And if you believe that the same can be said for you - pray about it. God will see you through this time.

I hope this doesn't offend you but my pastor sends out prayers to us every week and this one helped me.

Starting Over–a prayer written
especially for you by the Rev. Nicholas Hood III, Pastor of the Plymouth United Church of Christ in Detroit, Michigan



Lord God almighty, I need you to stand by me when life sets me back and I feel like I have to start over. In those moments and times when it seems like all I have accomplished, all I have achieved counts for nothing, stand by me. Grant me renewed faith in you and confidence in myself to start over. Help me not to become too discouraged when it seems I have spent all of my time rolling a rock up the hill only to have it roll back down. Prepare me to rise above self-pity, to dance ahead of self-doubt and to step boldly into the darkness of night. I place my hand in your hand. I put my heart in your heart and I strengthen my mind and body for the challenge to come. Through Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.

[jerseygirl34]

Very nicely said. Another thing to think about is your proximity to your child at App. i would move around the world if it kept me close to my kids.

[marndt]

Good point tpr. I'm from the Charlotte area and moved away shortly after college. It took me 12 years to get back. Lived in Atlanta, Houston, Charleston, SC and Columbia and nothing is like home. We loved Charleston, but the crime was out of control... We lived in West Ashley and it was much different than the Charlotte area... This area, in my opinion has so much to offer... we live in Fort Mill and could not be more happy, it is young area and has tons of family's!
Family is the key to home.