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For those of you who moved with teens that told you how much they would hate you if you moved them from up north to NC, do they get over it???? Want to move by next school year but don't want kids to "hate" us! Bribery will only get us so far!
There was a previous thread where this issue was discussed in depth, perhaps you could use the search button and find it.
In my opinion, if a kid is doing well in school, has a stable established social circle and is resistent to moving, I would thread VERY carefully. Disrupting all the positives in his life could have consequences for the rest of his life. It's like playing Russian Roulette. I would not personally take the risk.
There was a previous thread where this issue was discussed in depth, perhaps you could use the search button and find it.
I think you may be talking about my post last week regarding convincing my children to agree to move to Fort Mill? My kids are younger (10 and 11), but with similar reactions.....we took them to visit this weekend, and it helped...Fort Mill had a STUDENT tour them around the middle school, which was key. If my kids were much older, and HAPPY in their current school, I would not transplant them, if it were just a matter of waiting a couple of years.
I appreciate this thread as we have haggered with the option of moving to Va. (yes, I know this is a NC board , but it's the most active one when considering the big move south) for years but with 4 kids, it was always "We can't uproot the kids......." They had good friends, good grades, we knew their parents etc. Now our youngest is heading into his freshman year and we have settled with moving when he goes to college. In the long run, it sounds like we made the right choice for the kids.The older ones are functioning, successful adults and I could not live with the guilt of them going the wrong path and having them turn to us and saying it's all our fault because we moved them in jr.sr high .
The window for moving with kids unless absolutely necessary, is preschool up to maybe 3rd-4th grade. Then the pecking order is up and running (yes younger and younger I work in the school system) and they will have to work hard to re-establish themselves. I'm sure for some personalities, it's a bonus but for most kids, the peer group is God and as I said, tougher then any of us oldies ever faced.........
My daughter turns 14 in Sept and will start HS then. This is the best time for us to move as all the kids in her middle school are going in different directions. She is all for the move because she will finally have her own move. NOW in reverse my 8 yr old is iffy about moving. One day he is happy then the next he gets all dperessed about leaving all his friends (they have all been together since Pre-K)so I can relate to how you feel, and before anyone says well he is only 8 he will adjust remember it is just as hard to leave 15 friends behind at his age as it is to a HS student. Friends are friends and comfort is comfort. My son is king of his school and everyone knows him. He is familiar with each nook and cranny of that building. I really am not giving him a choice because this is better for the family. I guess if I mess him up I will pay for future visits to the therapist couch just kidding...I hope
I moved after my sophomore year in HS and it sucked. Yeah, i lived, but it still sucked. If they are JR HIgh or younger i wouldnt worry at all, or not much at all.
I honestly think it has to work both ways. We sacrifice for our kids ALL THE TIME. And when they reach a certain age they will be everywhere but home lol. Its important that Parents be fair to themselves as well. Its important that kids learn to work with Mom and Dad regarding important and life changing decissions. I am telling you from experience you can do but so much before your kids are everywhere but your home. My Son and I were the best of friends until he went off to college. We moved to a town in NJ as oppossed to Charlotte, where we felt he could do well and we all could have a great life. Before we knew it we were seeing him 7 times a year. Now we are talking about our re-location to Charlotte from Pa. and he is flipping because thouigh he lives an hour and a half away, and is about to become a Father, he does not want us to be that far away. My thoughts (not his Moms unfortunately), is we have to prepare for the future as best we can. Moving to Charlotte should have been done many years ago and now we will pay double the cost of what we could have paid in the past.
I honestly think it has to work both ways. We sacrifice for our kids ALL THE TIME. And when they reach a certain age they will be everywhere but home lol. Its important that Parents be fair to themselves as well. Its important that kids learn to work with Mom and Dad regarding important and life changing decissions. I am telling you from experience you can do but so much before your kids are everywhere but your home. My Son and I were the best of friends until he went off to college. We moved to a town in NJ as oppossed to Charlotte, where we felt he could do well and we all could have a great life. Before we knew it we were seeing him 7 times a year. Now we are talking about our re-location to Charlotte from Pa. and he is flipping because thouigh he lives an hour and a half away, and is about to become a Father, he does not want us to be that far away. My thoughts (not his Moms unfortunately), is we have to prepare for the future as best we can. Moving to Charlotte should have been done many years ago and now we will pay double the cost of what we could have paid in the past.
True, but now you know you did all you could for your son. No guilt to worry about. Good for you! He's on his own now, he'll have to figure out how to cut those apron strings. Now it's your turn!
Good Luck.
I think only you know your child and how they would handle a move. We are moving in June. My oldest is currently a freshman in high school, but my younger two are 1st grade and pre-K. If we waited until my oldest graduated high school, then we would be uprooting the two youngest. We have sat down and talked to my ds about the move and the importance of it to our family. We have talked about the fact that because we are moving to Union County, there are a lot of "transplants" there and he won't be the only new kid at school. We have talked about how the friends he has now he has only really been friends with since he started high school and he met them through his cross country team. We have talked about what we/he will do to make new friends when we move. Is he excited? Yes. He is looking forward to a better life there and seeing his relatives more often. Is he nervous/anxious? Yes. He doesn't want to leave his friends. We continue to talk. I acknowledge his feelings and try to reassure him. We have a very open line of communication about it and we will work through whatever we need to to make this work.
I thank everyone for their imput although most of it was not what I wanted to hear. To clarify my situation, my husband is losing his job and we can no longer afford to comfortably live in NY. Our dream is to own a business and we have the possible opportunity to own one in the Charlotte area. Out of my 3 kids, the oldest (high school), believe it or not, does not have alot of friends and wants to move. My youngest will be starting a new school here anyway next year. She is on the fence. She is going into 6th grade next year. It is my middle daughter, the drama queen, that is our problem. Yes, she has alot of friends here but she is such a popular adaptable child that we think she will be fine even though she says she will hate us. The school we want to move to is Marvin Ridge for the fact that ALL the kids will be new and can all start out on the same foot. We will do that on purpose to make the transititon easier. Now, I ask you...are we HORRIBLE PARENTS?????
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My kids are younger (10 and 11), but with similar reactions.....we took them to visit this weekend, and it helped...Fort Mill had a STUDENT tour them around the middle school, which was key. If my kids were much older, and HAPPY in their current school, I would not transplant them, if it were just a matter of waiting a couple of years.
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Thanks so much for all the imput!
