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No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
There isn't promise of days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but can promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Disappointments are like road bumps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on the bumps too long. Move on! When you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight, and be happy.
There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard. You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to the person to realize your worth. It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.
Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one who can take his place. Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older.
At age 27, after having spent two adventure-filled years living and teaching English in mainland China, I found myself getting ready to move back to the US. With two years completely immersed in another world away from family and friends, I'd had plenty of opportunities to reflect on my life back home. In those periods of contemplation, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction in realizing that I had come to really enjoy my relationships with all of my friends and family back home with only one major exception – Dad.
As a child, I had very mixed feelings about my father.
He took us on wonderful, exciting vacations car camping around the country for a month out of each year. In his engaging moments with me and my sister and two brothers, he could be adventurous, enthusiastic, and a lot of fun.
Yet like so many fathers out there, most of the time he was distant and unavailable. As a Methodist minister and a fighter for peace and justice, his work was by far his greatest passion with family a distant second. What's more, at meals – our only regular gathering time each day – he would all too often preach politics to us, his unwilling captive audience. There was no debating him, either. He was always right.
In looking back, however, I could see now what I once would never have admitted – that I was just as stubborn as dad.
There was no way I would acknowledge that he was right in a debate or argument. I would argue with him fiercely, yet still he managed to get me every time. I remember countless times when our interactions ended with me stalking off frustrated and angry, as dad settled back triumphantly into his chair reading the newspaper. Sometimes I just hated him. His righteous attitude seemed so hypocritical and just wrong!
After moving away from home at age 18, I had dedicated myself to improving my relationships with my family and others in my life. Thanks to some wonderful divine guidance, I had been successful with everyone except dad. He was the one person I still just couldn't get along with.
As I contemplated leaving the wonderfully rich experience in China, I knew that the time had come to change this. I knew that on getting home, if I wanted to get along better with him, my job was to learn to let dad be dad. I realized that I could not change him, but I could change myself by letting go of my need to be right and of my harsh judgments of him and his behavior. I knew that If I wanted to change our frustrating dynamic, I was the one who would have to change.
The idea came to me that the best way to heal this old family wound was to move in with dad and make a commitment to opening my heart and to becoming friends with him for the first time in my life. I knew it would not be easy. Yet I also knew that if I could hold fast to my intention of not needing to be right and not letting his comments get to me, we could have a significant breakthrough. I wrote dad a letter asking if he was interested in becoming friends, and if he would be open to my living with him on return from China to work on this.
Dad was thrilled at the idea of us becoming friends and warmly welcomed me into his home.
He was very supportive of my desire to move through our difficulties. He even spruced up a little room in his house for me. Yet after a brief, enjoyable "honeymoon" period of about two months, I found those same old patterns staring me right in the face again. Dad again was always right and I ended up leaving frustrated, knowing that I was actually right – just like old times. Why did it always have to end up that way?
Yet I held to my commitment. I remembered that If I wanted to change this disempowering dynamic, I was the one who would have to change. So gradually, I learned to hold my tongue. When discussion turned to debate, I would do my very best not to engage, not to get caught up in trying to prove him wrong. If the conversation turned competitive, I learned to be quiet and to wait for the appropriate moment to excuse myself, so that I could go let off steam on my own.
Even though I still didn't agree with him, I slowly learned to simply listen and to be OK with letting dad have the last word. I couldn't change his behavior or beliefs, but I was gradually changing mine.
Those few months were tough. It's not easy to break deeply ingrained family patterns, but I was committed. Every time things spun out of control, I reminded myself of my deep intention to become friends with dad and even to love him. By holding strong to that commitment, I got increasingly better at pulling back whenever our talks didn't feel supportive.
By the end of six determined months, I had done it! I could sit through a conversation where dad was telling me how I was wrong and feel no need to engage or respond. When he challenged or blamed me, I could just let him have his say. I learned to just acknowledge that I heard him, remembering not to take anything personally and to just let dad be dad.
As I got better at this, I eventually came to understand that dad was not consciously trying to attack me. He was just playing out old patterns and programming within himself. I could accept and even love him just the way he was – even the part of him that would very rarely admit he was wrong. Dad seemed to notice the difference, too.
I especially remember one particular day when dad was doing his thing. I simply nodded my head occasionally and said "I hear you, dad," without feeling any need to defend myself. At one point he fell silent, and I just sat quietly waiting. Then I heard words I don't think I'd ever heard him say in these circumstances, "Well, Fred, what do you think?" And for the first time in a situation where we didn't agree, I felt dad was really interested in what I had to say.
From that point on, though we still would hit occasional rough spots, dad and I began having meaningful conversations. He became increasingly interested in my opinion and his tone of voice lost that cutting edge. For the first time ever, we were actually friends!
What an incredibly empowering change in my life – in our lives! I was amazed that although my deep intention was just to let dad be who he was, once I made the big shift, dad shifted, too! What a gift!!! From that point on, our relationship gradually grew warmer and deeper.
Many years later for my dad's 70th birthday, I recorded his fascinating life story on over two hours of audio tape. What great, rich stories he had! What a wonderful, bonding time we shared!!! We've gone on to become very good friends who truly enjoy spending time together. And he strongly supports all the work I'm doing with PEERS. What a long way we've come!
Thanks, dad, for being such a wonderful presence in my life. And I give thanks for the divine guidance which helped me to realize that if I want to transform any significant relationship in my life, I can stop trying to change others and open to accepting and loving everyone just as they are.
By focusing on making shifts and changes in myself, I now know without a doubt that I alone can positively change any relationship in my life.
About a hundred years ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper and to his surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The newspapers had reported the death of the wrong person by mistake. His first response was shock. Am I here or there?
When he regained his composure, his second thought was to find out what people had said about him.
The obituary read, “Dynamite King Dies.” And also “He was the merchant of death.” This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words “merchant of death,” he asked himself a question,
“Is this how I am going to be remembered?” He got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the way he wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace. His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel Prize.
Just as Alfred Nobel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values, we should step back and do the same.
What is your legacy? How would you like to be remembered?
Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn’t know how she was going to make it.
She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed.
Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot, and ground coffee beans in the third pot.
He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing.
After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup. Turning to her he asked. “Daughter, what do you see?”
“Potatoes, eggs, and coffee,” she hastily replied.
“Look closer,” he said, “and touch the potatoes.” She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it.
After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.
“Father, what does this mean?” she asked.
He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity– the boiling water.
However, each one reacted differently.
The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak.
The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard.
However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.
“Which are you,” he asked his daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean? “
Moral:In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.
Deep down we are all beautiful beings worthy of love and support. The sweet innocence of babies and young children is a clear example of this. Yet for most of us, the shining essence with which we came into this life became obscured over the years as our family and others were unable to give us the kind of unconditional love and support we so craved. As children, when we were repeatedly told that we were not good enough or were punished just for being who we are, thick layers of confusion and doubt developed, clouding our divine essence. Layers of fear and insecurity were woven into our personalities.
The Mask.
By the time we are grown, most of us have developed a protective mask or persona to hide these layers of fear and insecurity from others, and at times even from ourselves. Outwardly we might appear happy or content, yet on the inside most of us to varying degrees feel unhappy with who we are. Yet beneath it all, that shining essence is still there. No matter how much we may have forgotten, no matter how thick those overshadowing layers may be, our beautiful core essence is and has always been there.
Acceptance and Compassion for Myself.
By choosing to accept and have compassion for all of who you are – both your deep shining essence and the layers of dark clouds within – you can invite that beautiful inner essence to shine through the clouds and to shine again in your life. When fears, dark thoughts, or difficult emotions arise, first choose to accept that they are there. Then open to finding compassion for these dark clouds and where they came from. Ask for divine guidance as you explore and transform these dark places.
Courage.
It takes courage to accept and have compassion for our fears and weaknesses. Yet by doing our best to be fully ourselves in all our strengths and weaknesses, our relationships can grow richer, deeper, and more meaningful. This may be challenging, as some people are unable or unwilling to accept certain parts of us. Yet as those around us see us becoming more real and honest with them, many will also be inspired to be more real and honest with us. Thus, instead of continually avoiding or denying those clouds or dark layers in both ourselves and others, we open to a deeper, more authentic way of living and of relating to others.
Isn't it incredible how the longer we live on this Earth the more the passage of time between the world outside us and the world within us seems out of sync? I attended my 35th high school reunion recently. It was held at the 4-H camp that I grew up next to as a child. When I got there the very first thing I noticed was the little Oak trees that I used to climb up as a boy now seemed as tall as Redwoods. How had that happened?
I had arrived early so I volunteered to help get things set up. I placed some chairs around the tables and then got drafted to blow up the party balloons. For some reason my aging lungs couldn't seem to get my balloons quite as large as my friend's, who was helping me out. Then later when we all gathered together at the buffet table I had to remind myself not to put too much food on my plate lest I be up all night again with indigestion. I glanced through an old year book that was there and saw my teenage self again. I wondered where that guy with the thick, brown hair and cast iron stomach had gone.
As I started to talk to my old high school friends I noticed something else too. We all looked a little different. There was some with gray hair. There was some with no hair. And we all seemed to have a few extra pounds and a few extra wrinkles. Yet, the moment we started to talk and catch up the years melted away and our young souls shined through. On the outside we all seemed a little wiser and more mature, but on the inside every single one of us was bright, beautiful, and vibrant. On the inside every single one of us was still young. 35 years may have aged our bodies a bit, but it hadn't had any effect whatsoever on our souls.
Our souls are created in Love. Our souls live through Love. And Love never ages. Love is both immortal and forever young. And so are we. May you live all of your days here from your young soul then. May you coax your aging body along so it can share all the love you possibly can in this life. And then after 35 or 135 years when you meet Our Father in Heaven may you rejoice in your eternal life and dwell forever in His Love, Joy, and Light. -Joseph J. Mazzella-
“God, I know surely that You do not exist. But if perchance You exist, which I contest, it is not my duty to believe in You; it is Your duty to reveal Yourself to me.”
The young Jewish atheist who uttered that flippant prayer was Richard Wurmbrand, born in 1909 in Bucharest, Romania. Little did he know how completely God would answer him, call him to a life of service to Christ, and use him to raise up one of the strongest ministries in the world today that helps the persecuted church.
Salvation and Service
In 1938, in a remote Romanian village, an old German carpenter named Christian Wolfkes lay sick. The only person by his side giving aid and comfort was a Jewish follower of Christ. When Wolfkes recovered, he was so grateful to God that he prayed earnestly for the opportunity to share the gospel with a Jewish person. Although none lived in his village, still he prayed.
One day a young, newly married Jewish couple arrived on vacation. They were Richard and Sabina Wurmbrand. The carpenter enthusiastically gave Richard a Bible. Richard had read the Scriptures once but had gotten nothing from them. However, this time, his heart was stirred. He didn’t know why, until he learned the secret. The carpenter and his wife had spent many long hours every day praying for his salvation. “The Bible he gave me was written not so much in words, but in flames of love fired by his prayers,” Richard would write later.
The carpenter spoke about God’s unconditional love for the Jewish people (Dt. 7:6–7; Jer. 31:3), the Messianic fulfillments in Jesus, and Jesus’ purpose in coming to Earth: “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved” (Jn. 3:17). The Spirit of God freed Richard’s heart, and he believed. Sabina also came to faith and was so deeply changed she soon brought others to the Messiah.>>>>
Gervase struggled with depression twice in her life — both dealt with life and death.
The first time was after her brother died, and the second was after she gave birth to a child, who is now 14 months old. Her brother’s death resonated with her entire family, but it really hit her hard. It was a sign that everything doesn’t last forever, she said.
“The death of my brother changed how I prioritized people and events moving forward," Gervase wrote in a blog post. "I skimmed the fat from my life and made peace with my own demons."
Then, she met Kevin, and the two had a child in 2013 — Aria Rose. Her daughter's birth also spawned depression for Gervase. It wasn’t so much having a daughter that made her depressed, but rather her having to re-evaluate who she was as a person. She could no longer be the partier she once was. She had to be responsible.
But soon, little Aria helped Gervase rise up and overcome her depression.
“Aria is my compass,” Gervase said in her blog post. “My ‘why.’ She is the reason I quit my sales job in February 2014 and went full time as a life coach. My intuition would not be quieted. And I deeply respect that little voice. My life's experiences have taught me a powerful lesson about the undervalued strength to be found in our raw human connections our relationships.”
She also told Deseret News National that yoga helped her overcome her struggles, too: “Outside exercise is really the secret key to battling depression, as it gets endorphins pumping, which are needed,” she said.
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