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My son was raised on Long Island where the norm among good students was and is to go away to college. I went away to college for my undergrad work and it was an enriching and life changing experience. I still have friends from college but really none from High School. I didn't dislike High School, for me it was just where you prepared to go to college. Not a defining moment in my life.
College was where I blossomed and made life long, like minded friends.
My husband also went away to college as did my parents and my siblings.
Now we live in an area where the norm seems to be to go to a commuter school. All of my son's life we spoke about going away to college and my children were excited by the prospect of living in a dorm and meeting new friends. My younger children still want to go away to school.
Suddenly, my son does not want to leave home. He says all of his friends are going to local colleges and he said that he "is not a fan" of going away to college. This is so strange because my kids have gone to summer sleep away camp and they always enjoyed meeting diverse people and new experiences.
I am concerned that my son is becoming provincial and too connected to his friends at the expense of his education. Also too connected to his new home town.
There is a nearby college that has a good program in what he wants to study, however there are better colleges that are further away that offer the same degree and program.
I really don't know what to do.
I AM aware that commuting to college is an option for some people and I am not up for a debate about what is better.
I would like to hear from others who have advice about how we can re-interest him in this experience.
I come from a upper class family with 7 brothers and sisters. I'm the only one that went to college (and actually finished) too.
You are absolutely right that it isn't so much of a going concern for kids these days, probably because the reward it gives is not consistent with the effort that must be expended to get a degree in the first place.
There are more opportunities for different majors at universities, what is your son interested in?
Have you taken him to tour any campuses? Usually the open houses make the college experience sound like so much fun the kids can't wait to get there.
If he's adamant though, I would encourage him to go locally for two years, then transfer. I do think it's easier to find your niche as a freshman, since so many upperclassmen move to off campus living quarters. I guess it all depends on what he wants to major in.
Three D Art - Glass, metal mixed media and a minor in Art Ed (secondary)
He still wants to go to college he just wants to live at a dorm that's only 20 minutes away from home at a largely commuter college and meet his HS friends on the week ends.
This sounds like a recipe for dropping out to me.
Unfortunately, the kids I know who went to a community college did end up dropping out, IF they went for more than a year. But, they all lived at home. Perhaps living in a dorm, even if it's close by, is a compromise you can live with.
My middle son is entering his jr. year of college. He chose an in-state school where he knows a lot of others from HS. It drives me a bit crazy that those are the friends he spends most of his time with instead of branching out. So, your son isn't doing anything different, and he's doing it for less money.
"Going away" is NOT a great experience for everyone. If your son is hesitating I wouldn't push it on him. Don't saddle him with your lables and worries, it's the worst thing a parent can do.
He is not afraid to go away at all so I am not pushing him out. He wants to live at this dorm with a car and hang out in our small city - Wilkes-Barre PA on the weekends.
To me it sounds as though college is the "side dish" and the main course are his friends from school.
I am glad he has adapted so well to our move, but this is ridiculous!
I stayed in my home city for college (lived on my own, though, not at home, and most of my friends were new, not those from high school), left for grad school, and didn't return for 10 years. We're leaving again soon. Just because he stays local for four years doesn't mean that he will always be local. I wouldn't be too worried about staying local leading to provincialism, but I WOULD encourage him to somehow differentiate between the college and the high school experience. If he's living on campus in a dorm it will probably be sufficiently different from staying at home, even if in the same city. I found that living in a city as a college student was very different than living in the city as a high school student. And having new friends from all over the place will also encourage him to look at his own city through new eyes. As far as his high school friends go, that might change once he's actually going to school. You can also encourage him to do a study-abroad at some point in the future, or to take advantage of interesting summer opportunities (seasonal work at a state park, internships, etc.).
You know your son best, of course, but in itself staying in town for college does not mean that he will end up sheltered or treating school as secondary. If he's not the ambitious type or doesn't have much of an interest in school then I would guess that the risks go up. One of my college roommates was also from the same metro area, and she dropped out and went back to living sort of an extended high school experience. Then again, she might have also dropped out if she'd gone away for school. I think it's more about the person than anything else.
"Going away" is NOT a great experience for everyone. If your son is hesitating I wouldn't push it on him. Don't saddle him with your lables and worries, it's the worst thing a parent can do.
I have seen so many of my students pushed by their parents into the best school they get into regardless of what the student feels is the best fit. Works out just fine for some of them but a surprising number of them end up failing or dropping out.
College is a huge adjustment for so many kids, it maybe less a comfort issue, and more a sign of your sons maturity that he knows what is best for him.
"Going away" is NOT a great experience for everyone. If your son is hesitating I wouldn't push it on him. Don't saddle him with your lables and worries, it's the worst thing a parent can do.
Excellent advice.
The best thing mom can do is give him 100% support in whatever it is he wants to do with his life understanding many decisions he makes for himself most likely won't match what yours would be.
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