[averageperson]

This will most likely look like a dumb question.
I live outside of Washington, D.C.

I am considering moving to New Haven downtown
into a simple, inexpensive cooperative apt near Yale.
I am retiring to CT, not seeking employment.

I visited CT for the first time a few days ago.
People seemed a little more in a rush, a little
brusker, possibly less friendly than I am used to.

People were more "about their own business" and a
little hurried. Is this more a New England style?

Secondly, I am gay, but I look like the average 57
year old male that you would encounter anywhere.

Would I feel comfortable as a conservative gay male
in the New Haven city?

[mlassoff]

I think your impression is generally correct. People here are about their business and not yours. Privacy is valued an respected. I think you will find New Haven to be an active city, and the downtown area to be focused very much around Yale. You'll find a lot to do, as well as quiet coffeeshops if you want to spend the afternoon reading and relaxing among others. Trains to New York and Boston are easily accessible.

My partner just sold a co-op apartment in New Haven before we moved to Westport. He misses the activity of downtown.

[Stylo]

New Haven is a bit friendlier than the towns closer to NYC. If you go east of New Haven, it becomes really laid back. I think you'll find in New Haven, you'll get as much as you give. If you're outgoing and friendly, people will return it and surprise you. York Street Cafe is a known gay bar in town that you'll probably find helpful in meeting people (although I have no firsthand experience on the bar, I just looked it up on the way to the Noodle House next door).

It's a pretty fantastic, underrated city IMO. People hate on it because of its high crime stats, but the reality is that crime happens primarily in a few bad neighborhoods. The good areas are great, there's lots to do, tons of culture, and a great restaurant scene.

[averageperson]

Thank You very much.
I am the "Poster" of this message.

Still seeking additional replies about differences in general between
people from New England and people from other regions of the U.S.

[jane_sm1th73]

I can't be the first person to make this observation.

It is virtually impossible to experience the spirit of a place and how it suits you through other peoples' senses and sensibilities, IMHO.

As you know, you can get a really good feeling about a place from spending a long weekend there. Amtrak goes from Union Station to New Haven, if you don't want to drive. Get an Enterprise Rent a Car - they have weekend specials that are very reasonable. Research before you go so that you can take the driving tour of the general area. A good place to start is to do a search on NH in this forum. Lots of people have talked about it.

Yale is a terrific energizer for the town. BUT DO YOUR RESEARCH!
I lived in New Haven years ago, a nephew went to Yale, and a close friend is a reference librarian in the medical library, so I've spent some time there, continue to spend time there, and have seen it change over the years.

I am also in NOVA. I will say in a heartbeat that there are more people in NOVA who are middle aged plus than there are in New Haven. New Haven is not known as one of those college town retirement meccas you hear so much about. It is not like the Greenwich Village or Key West of the 80s. You may find yourself on an island with a decreasing radius of safety for those late afternoon walks from the bookstore we all envision (as we are fighting traffic or rush hour pedestrians here, lol!). It is not possible to live in NH without a car.

Please consider spending some time there over long weekends before you take the plunge.

What you want is a retirement mecca that has both an arts culture and a culture of respect and gentility. That is not New Haven. You run the risk of becoming isolated, much more so than here.

Best wishes to you.

[JayCT]

People in Connecticut are more reserved. They are not unfriendly, they just respect the privacy of others. The best way to meet people is to get involved in different activities and to reach out to people that may interest you. The others are correct that New Haven is not exactly a retirement mecca (personally I would ont want to retire to a place with a high older populaiton) but for those seeking an area with a lot of culture and activities, it can be a great place to retire to. Jay

[KungFuHustle]

I agree about the bruskness of New Haven. I lived in Middletown last year and did not experience it to the same degree, and my only other experience with living in New England is Hamden, but I was young when I lived there. There is a similar attitude in Los Angeles, and when I was there I thought it was produced by the wildly varying income levels. If you've seen the cops in action in that city, you may know what I mean. Of course the mindset has bright points, like the celebrated privacy and individual freedom people mention in this sort of discussion, but since OP is retiring, the latitude to pursue wildly materialistic ambitions may not seem tremendously valuable to him. I also don't imagine someone in his situation would much appreciate the shelter New Haven can provide for students, such as Yaleys, who have no use for knowledge of events outside the scope of their academic ambitions. There's good news for someone advanced in years who retains this exclusive determination in his professional field, however, as he would be among many hip, aging folks who experience the ephemeral lack of perturbation that only a high standard of living can thoroughly provide. Yes, having originally come from New York, and soon returning there, I can dread again finding myself swarmed by vulgar realities of the human condition, and I know I will miss their privileged omission from the streets of my heavenly, Connecticut neighborhood. People in the Big Apple grow up too fast, it seems, but they do grow up, and even get their driver's licenses.

[berniechien]

Downtown would be a great place to live! I just moved here two weeks ago and I love it! I think if you meet people on the street they will be a little guarded. Once you start living here people will start to recognize you and eventually they will smile or say hi. I'm from california and don't want to move back! I love it here!

[oc2nyc]

I don't think it really matters where you live. You get what you give. If you are friendly to people most will be friendly back. We are from CA and we have never felt that people on the east coast are any more friendly or unfriendly than the west coast. If you strike up a conversation with someone they are usually more than happy to talk. I find this to be true just about anywhere. Give it a shot you might be surprised.

[jane_sm1th73]

Originally Posted by oc2nyc

I don't think it really matters where you live. You get what you give. If you are friendly to people most will be friendly back. We are from CA and we have never felt that people on the east coast are any more friendly or unfriendly than the west coast. If you strike up a conversation with someone they are usually more than happy to talk. I find this to be true just about anywhere. Give it a shot you might be surprised.

OC, with due respect, there is the "rock and a hard place" reality when you retire: in many cases, you don't have time or resources for a do-over. It's different in your 30s and 40s - you have a couple of decades to recover from a bad mistake. Once you go on a fixed income, that flexibility is shot.

CT is reputedly one of the least retirement friendly states. Generally, when there's smoke, there's fire. It's to your benefit, and to your credit, that you went up to scope out New Haven - it's likely worth doing some additional research. Very few Yale grads stick around or come back once their careers are established, in contrast to the fifth generation propagating in the projects. Many factors are at play, of course - in hiring, Yale has a worldwide market. It could be that college towns in general are transient communities.

That is just the next layer of research. Next comes - to what degree are you able or willing to absorb a volatile mix of local politics, crime, increases in taxes and other fixed costs and cuts in services? How much wiggle room will you have - you may not be able to leave without taking a haircut if you discover you have made a mistake. And by that time, you may have no idea about where to go and will not be in a position to explore, as you are now.

Unless one is urbanized to the degree that it would be unimaginable to do anything other than take-out or delivery for basic needs, an area that continues to experience high crime, in a state that taxes Social Security and pension income and heaven knows what else, in an area where neighbors do not look after neighbors would get a long, hard look as a retirement destination from many people. A senior citizen or a student is simply too much of a target for those who have no meaningful way of spending their time, who are looking for a cheap thrill. Rolling seniors and students - the urban equivalent of cow tipping. What else has such low risk coupled with likelihood of success and immediate thrill? FWIW, the demographic segment that is paid for doing nothing - is it increasing or decreasing? Given that there is nothing better to do, there may come a time where that demographic segment comprises 80% of your town, and you may be surrounded and outnumbered. Corralled, as it were.

In sum, you may not get a do-over when you retire. Not bashing New Haven - drugs and crime are an issue in every city having written off segments of the population - but NH has changed over the past thirty years, CT itself has changed, there are certain structural certainties in place that ensure the changes will continue.

Just my opinion. It is based on the numbers, and does not give adders for cultural amenities etc. You know what they say about free opinions and free advice...


Best to you.