White Family Sticking Out Like Sore Thumbs... (Plano, University Park: mortgage, school)

[MovingtoDFW]

Originally Posted by AnnieDFW

For myself, I find it's hard to have a deeper conversation with white Americans besides "did you have a good weekend" that kind of topic. When speak in my own language with my own people, I am a fun person, and we have a lot more topics. I have been thinking about the reasons. A lot of subjects we talk about are considered offensive and too private to Americans. You can't talk this, you can't say that, or too much information. I told my dad you will never have a great conversation with Americans even if you spoke the English, because your subjects are mostly controversial and they don't like that.

Reminds me of my first months in the US when I attributed genuine interest to the person asking about my weekend, and feeling vaguely guilty if I couldn't truthfully report anything substantial : ) Over the months I did realize it did not matter to most askers what I actually had done, and that it was mostly a cultural ritual.

My personal feeling is that although there is a sense of pleasantness that such courtesies provide in a diverse society, a lot of the time they are employed to maintain a distance as much as they are to appear friendly. The intention of these courtesies is only friendliness - distinct from friendship - and can be confusing to those of us from south and east Asian cultures, which do not have the compulsion to appear friendly and allow you to be indifferent to strangers.

The problem you are stating above - the complete absence of curiosity in apparent overtures of friendliness - is easily understood with the above explanation.

[MurphyPl1]

Originally Posted by AnnieDFW

I was an international student coming from China. Now I have settled my family in north Plano. My father is visiting me. Everyday, after I come home from work, he would report to me that " a white guy greeted him when he's out walking" or "a white woman smiled at him". He really appreaciates and enjoys that as it's impossible in my own country. He always tells me he really wants to have a conversation with Americans, but he can only speak "sit, stay" in English to my dogs.

For myself, I find it's hard to have a deeper conversation with white Americans besides "did you have a good weekend" that kind of topic. When speak in my own language with my own people, I am a fun person, and we have a lot more topics. I have been thinking about the reasons. A lot of subjects we talk about are considered offensive and too private to Americans. You can't talk this, you can't say that, or too much information. I told my dad you will never have a great conversation with Americans even if you spoke the English, because your subjects are mostly controversial and they don't like that.

I really wanna know what you guys talk about when you become friends, besides "weather" "weekend", "sports"?

what the kids are up to. Gossip in the neighborhood (interestingly the more social the neighborhood the more there seems to be to gossip about) Our backgrounds - where we're from, what things were like growing up, things in common (which may be totally random stuff like love of marshmallows) and differences between cultures (this includes regional within this country too. We had a great discussion one night over the different things you find at get togethers in the crock pot. Here it's queso, my BFF said it was baked beans back in New England, and neither were things we'd do in Chicago)

[catdaddyhorn]

Originally Posted by majicdonjuan

I agree with this statement, but I think that the poster was speaking more about cohesiveness than size or the specific origin of the African diaspora in either of the two cities. You made the statement yourself that Africans in DFW tend to be scattered about. Correct me if I'm wrong (as I didn't live in DFW nearly as long as Houston) but is there any part of the DFW metroplex that has the concentration of Africans as you see in the Mission Bend/West Oaks area in Houston? There may be, I just don't know.

North Garland/Sachse,/Rowlett/Wylie at least for the Nigerians.

[elan]

"I really wanna know what you guys talk about when you become friends, besides "weather" "weekend", "sports"?"

Let's see, I just talked to one of my friends about which color I should paint the front door. I told her about a huge shoe sale and which pair I bought. We also discussed what she should pack for her trip (long sleeve vs short sleeve and so on). And I listened to her talk about how much she hated her daughters new boyfriend.

[Transplanted99]

Originally Posted by AnnieDFW

For myself, I find it's hard to have a deeper conversation with white Americans besides "did you have a good weekend" that kind of topic. When speak in my own language with my own people, I am a fun person, and we have a lot more topics. I have been thinking about the reasons. A lot of subjects we talk about are considered offensive and too private to Americans. You can't talk this, you can't say that, or too much information. I told my dad you will never have a great conversation with Americans even if you spoke the English, because your subjects are mostly controversial and they don't like that.

I really wanna know what you guys talk about when you become friends, besides "weather" "weekend", "sports"?

You might be surprised by this answer: Probably the exact same things!

Having worked with and made friends with many from different cultural backgrounds, the topics are the same.

How one finds someone who they can befriend, seems more of a personality trait vs a cultural issue from my observation.

[wehotex]

Originally Posted by mami2emily

I feel you have made the right decision. It will take more than just a visit to a local park to become neighborly with those that live around you. You will find that being a little proactive, Chinese and Indian and Mexican alike are very welcoming once they get to know you. The best advice I can give you is: do not put a barrier between you and the community by isolating yourselves. Continue to be outgoing, friendly to all you meet, and neighborly. It will take time but they will open up. If you make your color an issue, they will make your color an issue.

All my married life our family has been the minority among mostly caucasian people. Here in Dallas we live in the Park Cities...which is 94% white. At first I felt like I stuck out. But it was all in my head as no one has ever made us feel like we do not belong. Slowly but surely, 3 years into our Dallas move, I feel like what I am is not an issue.

Best of luck on your move.

Wow, really? Then, I guess that perhaps Dallas has indeed made progress. It seems that Highland Park High School has always had issues with "come dressed as "the Help" Day" where all of these spoiled rich white kids went dressed to school as maids (in black face and gold teeth) and Mexican wetbak lawn guys and thought that it was funny.

[TimDallas]

After reading this thread, I'm wondering about how immigrants feel among majority. Too much to learn with too little guidance and a whole lot judgement to face. My kids are friends with lots of Asian/Indian/Iranian/Middle-eastern children and I don't see much diffrence in kids who were born and raised here. Parents and grand parents or kids who moved later in life are at diffrent levels of social adjustment but most are nice and friendly.

[GreyDay]

Originally Posted by wehotex

Wow, really? Then, I guess that perhaps Dallas has indeed made progress. It seems that Highland Park High School has always had issues with "come dressed as "the Help" Day" where all of these spoiled rich white kids went dressed to school as maids (in black face and gold teeth) and Mexican wetbak lawn guys and thought that it was funny.

I think that was 20 years back.

[4Movingeast]

[quote=GreyDay;35653549]I think that was 20 years back.[/QUOT


My BIL and his 2 sisters came up through HPISD K-12, all professionals in their 30s, and while I'm sure they heard some racist talk here and there (just like I did at my decidedly middle class HS), I sure don't think it was the norm. They are a great family. Honestly, I had my own set of preconceived notions about Highland Park residents until I got to know him and his family. You can form stereotypes about any area, religious group, or affiliation. Not to sound like Pollyanna, but it's best to get to know the person unless they are just downright hateful.

[keribeth818]

Originally Posted by AnnieDFW

I was an international student coming from China. Now I have settled my family in north Plano. My father is visiting me. Everyday, after I come home from work, he would report to me that " a white guy greeted him when he's out walking" or "a white woman smiled at him". He really appreaciates and enjoys that as it's impossible in my own country. He always tells me he really wants to have a conversation with Americans, but he can only speak "sit, stay" in English to my dogs.

For myself, I find it's hard to have a deeper conversation with white Americans besides "did you have a good weekend" that kind of topic. When speak in my own language with my own people, I am a fun person, and we have a lot more topics. I have been thinking about the reasons. A lot of subjects we talk about are considered offensive and too private to Americans. You can't talk this, you can't say that, or too much information. I told my dad you will never have a great conversation with Americans even if you spoke the English, because your subjects are mostly controversial and they don't like that.

I really wanna know what you guys talk about when you become friends, besides "weather" "weekend", "sports"?

Thanks for this! As an aside, can I say how pleased I am with the direction this thread took? A real effort on both sides to understand other cultures that may be unfamiliar. It doesn't happen as often as it should...

Anyways, I think in a lot circumstances Americans probably discuss the same controversial topics with their friends. Sure there are more superficial relationships that never get past the pleasantries. I would say I have many many acquaintances, but only a few real friends. Does that make sense? Im not sure this is the case in other cultures.