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My husband and I have been together some 13 years now. His first marriage, my second. When we met I weighed about 100 pounds. He told me that he's always been attracted to slender, petite women. For most of my life I was the skinny girl. Even after having my 2 kids from my first husband I still remained slim and petite. Our sex life was great in the beginning. Well, since then I've began putting on weight and I liked the way I looked with some meat on my bones. I like to eat and I'll eat a bowl of cereal every night before I go to bed. People have commented on how much better I look, except my husband. No we don't have any kids together. I guess I've gone from 100 lbs to almost 150 lbs any my husband doesn't seem to want to touch me. He's always said that he doesn't like a woman with a big booty (we're both black) and most of the black guys I know love a woman with a big rear end. Not my husband.
We've only had sex maybe twice in the past 3 or 4 months and he refuses to touch me. One thing I can say about him is that he's brutally honest. He'll tell me that he's not attracted to bigger women and that I've gained weight. I wear body shapers and "girdles" to hold everything in but he says that's nice when you're dressed but when you take that off and the real me comes out it's not attractive to see that I've put on about 50% of my initial body weight since we first met.
I'm the type of woman who believes in unconditional love. You should love the person you're with no matter how they change. My husband says that it is only reserved for parents and children and somewhat brothers and sisters. Why can't he just love me for me? We're in our mid 40s and he doesn't seem to care about sex (with me). Don't most men like sex? If he's not having sex with me then who's he having it with? Your weight should not be an issue if you truly love someone.The funny thing is this. He's also put on weight. No, not as much as me but I still love and desire him. He went from a 44 suit to a 46 so he's putting on the lbs too. He won't touch me. He won't cuddle with me. I've caught him checking out younger, slimmer women and I'm starting to worry.
What should I do? No, I don't want to go back to my original weight but I want my husband to want me again.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,758,476 times
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Your husband should love you unconditionally. However being physically attracted to you IMO is another matter entirely. He definitely has an issue, maybe some conseuling is in order.
I think its obvious that your man does not find you sexually attractive, because you have put on 50% additional body weight. Why don't you lose weight and make your hubby happy? Wouldn't you want to be your best for him an for yourself?
I think its obvious that your man does not find you sexually attractive, because you have put on 50% additional body weight. Why don't you lose weight and make your hubby happy? Wouldn't you want to be your best for him an for yourself?
But at the same time, he should be aware that his actions and words have affected his wife negatively, and he could be more positive and supportive of her making healthy changes. They're supposed to be a team--the entire marriage isn't about his boner.
My husband and I have been together some 13 years now. His first marriage, my second. When we met I weighed about 100 pounds. He told me that he's always been attracted to slender, petite women. For most of my life I was the skinny girl. Even after having my 2 kids from my first husband I still remained slim and petite. Our sex life was great in the beginning. Well, since then I've began putting on weight and I liked the way I looked with some meat on my bones. I like to eat and I'll eat a bowl of cereal every night before I go to bed. People have commented on how much better I look, except my husband. No we don't have any kids together. I guess I've gone from 100 lbs to almost 150 lbs any my husband doesn't seem to want to touch me. He's always said that he doesn't like a woman with a big booty (we're both black) and most of the black guys I know love a woman with a big rear end. Not my husband.
We've only had sex maybe twice in the past 3 or 4 months and he refuses to touch me. One thing I can say about him is that he's brutally honest. He'll tell me that he's not attracted to bigger women and that I've gained weight. I wear body shapers and "girdles" to hold everything in but he says that's nice when you're dressed but when you take that off and the real me comes out it's not attractive to see that I've put on about 50% of my initial body weight since we first met.
I'm the type of woman who believes in unconditional love. You should love the person you're with no matter how they change. My husband says that it is only reserved for parents and children and somewhat brothers and sisters. Why can't he just love me for me? We're in our mid 40s and he doesn't seem to care about sex (with me). Don't most men like sex? If he's not having sex with me then who's he having it with? Your weight should not be an issue if you truly love someone.The funny thing is this. He's also put on weight. No, not as much as me but I still love and desire him. He went from a 44 suit to a 46 so he's putting on the lbs too. He won't touch me. He won't cuddle with me. I've caught him checking out younger, slimmer women and I'm starting to worry.
What should I do? No, I don't want to go back to my original weight but I want my husband to want me again.
As he's put on the weight aswell I think that's a bit rich of him to say that to be fair, have you mentioned that to him at all?
He might realise that he's got double standards. That may realise what he's saying to you and if anything encourage you to " lose weight "
How tall are you? Reason I ask is that I was 100 pounds in college, but I am 5'5" with a medium frame, so putting on 35 pounds over the years was a good thing for me. Didn't get sick as much, had more energy, etc. So if your situation is like that, well, suffice to say a man would have to be a total asshat to expect a woman to remain 15 pounds underweight to please his sense of aesthetics.
But it really depends. If you're of average height or taller, he needs to deal with it. But if you're only, say, 5 feet tall, you've moved into obesity and who cares what he thinks? Drop a few for yourself, because African-Americans have enough of a risk for heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes without adding obesity on top of it.
How tall are you? Reason I ask is that I was 100 pounds in college, but I am 5'5" with a medium frame, so putting on 35 pounds over the years was a good thing for me. Didn't get sick as much, had more energy, etc. So if your situation is like that, well, suffice to say a man would have to be a total asshat to expect a woman to remain 15 pounds underweight to please his sense of aesthetics.
That's what I was wondering. I was 100 pounds through my 20s. I hit 140 in my late 40s, but didn't like it. I'm back down to 125 and feel better. We all carry the weight differently.
I think women (and men) should make an effort to maintain themselves for a lot of reasons, but at the end of the day we're all going to age, lose hair, get fatter.... I didn't like the look of 80 year old men when I married my husband, but I better in 30 years!
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