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I'm writing because I've reached the end of my "leash" with my partner's dog.
She has had this Pom-Shi-tzu cross for 4 years, and it's her first dog.
He doesn't come when she calls him
He runs away through a hole in the fence when he's let out and returns only when he wants to
He goes on her bed
He goes on her couch
He eats his bones and toys on the furniture
He follows here everywhere in the house, even the bathroom
He spazzes out over everything....spins in circles and simply can't settle down over the most mundane things
Looks like he's convulsing and about to dies of cardiac arrest when she enters a room
Has no idea what no means
Pulls on his leash till he gags and chokes and coughs
I realize that this is 100% HER problem, as this is the dog she raised. He knows what no means when I say it. He stays off the furniture in my house, off the bed in my house, and is a relatively calm and mellow dog when I keep him if she;s out of town.
Since I've been caring for him this last week, I've seen how good, how chill, and how well behaved he can be. Unfortunately, she knows he's a poorly behaved dog, but does little to remedy it.
This is something that drives me crazy, others who have to be be near the dog crazy, and often frustrates her because he's such a pain in the azz sometimes.
Any advice?
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
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You've got it exactly right -- it's HER problem. When she's around, the dog considers HIMSELF the Alpha, not her. He's the boss, not her.
She's got to change her ways and become the Alpha.
I was just like your partner. Artie owned me. I've had to work hard to turn things around. It's a work in progress, it doesn't just "happen" -- I need to continually exert my Alpha status so that he learns what he can and can't get away with.
It's tough -- and I'm still a mush with him, although I'm much firmer now -- but she can do it. If I can do it, so can she.
Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your partner. She seems to be OK with his behavior or she'd be doing something about it. What she allows in her own house is her business. It's obviously bothering you so I would suggest talking about it with her. If she agrees, then look into a good training class or even some books. Go through the earlier threads there have been many good dog trainig books suggested on various threads.
i had a boyfriend once who thought that way. he didn't like the way I treated my kids...oops..cat. he actually gave me an ultimatum once. guess who i picked?
if he was like that about the cat, what was he going to change next? if you don't like it...keep looking because nobody should have to change their lifestyle because you don't approve.
sorry. i can't agree with you
tell her there are classes for dogs who cannot behave themselves and that they need to learn who is pack leader and she is definately not a pack leader she has let the dog become pack leader and you need to go to the class with her and show her how she has made the mistakes .
You've got it exactly right -- it's HER problem. When she's around, the dog considers HIMSELF the Alpha, not her. He's the boss, not her.
She's got to change her ways and become the Alpha.
I was just like your partner. Artie owned me. I've had to work hard to turn things around. It's a work in progress, it doesn't just "happen" -- I need to continually exert my Alpha status so that he learns what he can and can't get away with.
It's tough -- and I'm still a mush with him, although I'm much firmer now -- but she can do it. If I can do it, so can she.
Well, my dog is so well trained. When she began to see how nice it was having a dog that didn't get in the faces of other dogs, sits when you tell him, comes when you tell him, doesn't jump up on you, stays off the furniture etc, she wanted that for hers.
Problem is, she bought the dog after a break up with a previous b/f, and so he was what consoled her in hard times....so he was on the bed, on the couch, in the bathroom with her, he is the quintessential velcro dog, and she allowed it because SHE needed the comfort and the company at the time--which I respect to a large degree. Dogs are wonderful companions.
But it is patently clear that he deosn't respect her or anything she says because he does what he wants, when he wants, to hell with anything.
So, Artie came around for you?
What did you do to make that happen?
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 33,036,872 times
Reputation: 28903
Quote:
Originally Posted by limited60
Well, my dog is so well trained. When she began to see how nice it was having a dog that didn't get in the faces of other dogs, sits when you tell him, comes when you tell him, doesn't jump up on you, stays off the furniture etc, she wanted that for hers.
Problem is, she bought the dog after a break up with a previous b/f, and so he was what consoled her in hard times....so he was on the bed, on the couch, in the bathroom with her, he is the quintessential velcro dog, and she allowed it because SHE needed the comfort and the company at the time--which I respect to a large degree. Dogs are wonderful companions.
But it is patently clear that he deosn't respect her or anything she says because he does what he wants, when he wants, to hell with anything.
So, Artie came around for you?
What did you do to make that happen?
I totally understand her thinking and I totally understand your thinking.
Artie was an abused puppy. Then he lived in a loving home, but was crated all day. I work from home and wanted to give Artie the attention he so craved -- and, really, I wanted his attention too. I wanted to be buddies with him. And we were -- but he was definitely top dog.
He pulled on the leash.
He sat when my husband would offer a treat (without my husband asking, I might add) but he was used to getting treats from me just for being cute. No sitting required.
My husband won't let him on the couch or our bed. (I would have preferred for Artie not to have restrictions, but I understood.)
Artie barked like a madman when someone comes into our house. He also jumped on them.
He lunged and barked at everyone -- human or dog -- that we passed while on walks.
I could go on and on. His abuse caused behavioral problems and I catered to them rather than changing them.
Firstly, I got a Bark Busters trainer -- they have them all over the U.S. The trainer taught me how to set limits for Artie -- when the doorbell rings, Artie has to stop at the top of the stairs while I open the door. He taught me how to properly walk Artie. He taught me to play with Artie when I wanted to play with him; not every time Artie felt like playing. He taught me that praise was to be issued in a high voice, and correction was to be issued in a deep, almost growling voice.
Now, when we see a squirrel -- Artie's favorite chase "toy" -- while he's on-leash on a walk, I just say "No" in that deep, growly voice and he doesn't yank my arm out of its socket.
When the doorbell rings and Artie's at the top stair, I tell him to stay and he does. (We'll get to the point where I won't have to tell him; he'll just know.)
I make him sit for treats. I don't always play when he wants to play.
If your girlfriend wants to make this change, I'd suggest:
Hiring a trainer from Bark Busters, or
Getting a book or two from the library about dog training (there are so many good books!), or
Practice saying "NO" in a deep, growling voice when the dog is doing something he shouldn't be doing, and
Teach the dog some basic commands: No, Drop It, Come, Sit (there are all sorts of "tricks" to teach them these commands -- you can learn these from a book)
Yes, Artie did come around. Was it instant? Hell no! Is it consistent? Not yet. But we're definitely getting there.
i had a boyfriend once who thought that way. he didn't like the way I treated my kids...oops..cat. he actually gave me an ultimatum once. guess who i picked?
if he was like that about the cat, what was he going to change next? if you don't like it...keep looking because nobody should have to change their lifestyle because you don't approve.
sorry. i can't agree with you
I'm not sure where I was making any suggestion that she had to change her lifestyle, nor was I giving any indication that I was going to ever put her in the position to choose me or the dog.
I simply stated that she is owned by her dog, and that WE ARE BOTH frustrated by how he acts.
I think her biggest problem is owning up the fact that she raised him to be like this and now she'll have to undo it.
So, there's me not liking the way the dog behaves but there is also her being frustrated with how he acts.
The dog is a complete gong show. I'm a dog lover to the core, but this guy is off the charts. It becomes my business when it acts like a spoiled brat in either of our houses.
I have a Rotti-Shep cross. He has a big bed that he sleeps on.
Her dog is a Shi-tzu-Pom who lays in my dogs bed.
He has such an entrenched sense of entitlement that when asked to get off MY dog's bed, he gets cranky. If you attempt to shoo him off it, he bites at me. He hates being told what to do because he has always been allowed to ignore commands and do what he wants when he wants to.
If you chose your cat over the guy, awesome. He was probably a jerk-off who wasn't willing to put in the time seeking advice on an internet message board, or the time and money to help train your poorly behaved
animal. If I didn't care so much, I'd have left a long time ago, or killed the dog ion his sleep.
But I do care and I want to help all of us, because he's out of control, and I hazard a guess that it'll only get worse as he gets older.
Okay, I may be stepping into the line of fire w/ some other ladies out there but I'll duck.
Women generally tend to treat their pets like little babies and spoil them rotten. Is it any wonder that the pet believes it is king of the hill?
I did it with my pets but finally learned the hard way to take control on certain things.
Your gf is probably the same way and hasn't learned that her life (and the dogs) would be so much calmer if she would learn to be the alpha.
It's hard to go from the wishy washy spoiler to the commanding alpha but really, if she realized how much better behaved her dog would be, she'd get busy right away.
Dogs are Pack Animals and need someone to look to to be in charge or they take on the role themselves. You take charge w/ the dog when your gf isn't around, therefore you don't experience the same issues.
There are plenty of dog training classes and books available. Encourage her to look into it.
i had a boyfriend once who thought that way. he didn't like the way I treated my kids...oops..cat. he actually gave me an ultimatum once. guess who i picked?
if he was like that about the cat, what was he going to change next? if you don't like it...keep looking because nobody should have to change their lifestyle because you don't approve.
sorry. i can't agree with you
WRONG! People have to change their lifestyle when they choose to live with someone else to accomodate another individual. That includes humans and pets. My lifestyle changes as my kids grow up, and they're mine. I hope you enjoy living by yourself and your cat.
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