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I have never heard a parent regret holding their child back a year, have you?
But there are many who regret not holding them back.
I had a daughter with a July birthday that we held back one year.
Never will regret that, she was 18 all the way through her senior year of high school... imagine graduating at 17 and trying to find a job.
Or just being 17 and heading off to college.
My husband graduated at seventeen, attended Georgia Tech as an engineering student, and he did just fine. Worked the entire time, too. I was red-shirted, because I have a late-in-the-year birthday, and that worked out fine, too.
As for the OP, I think it's too early yet to make any decisions.
I would like to point out that if this child is held back she will be (depending on her state) 4 or 5 months older than other classmates, hardly makes her a social pariah in terms of age. That really makes almost no difference.
I have had multiple students being older than their classmates at the high school level. There were no peer social issues because of their age for either the boys or girls. I have no first hand knowledge of what it is like for those children in elementary school
This child will actually be more than a year older than many of her classmates. She was born May, 2008. Say the cut-off date is Sept. 30 as in my district. That means that in 2014, kids born from October 2008 to September 2009 will be starting kindergarten. Assuming an even distribution of ages, this child will be older by 5 months from the next oldest, and by 16 months from the youngest. At least half her class will be 11 months or more younger than her. This is assuming no one else redshirts, of course. In reality, there will be a few other redshirts around, mostly boys, and probably fewer kids on the younger end (usually Aug-Sept here in CO) b/c they will be redshirted to the next year, again, mostly boys, b/c more boys than girls are redshirted. She could end up being a social pariah by virtue of being so much more socially advanced that she gets left out.
High school is a different situation altogether. There are mixed ages in the classes. This is true in middle school as well.
As FC said, it worked out fine for her and her husband. Sometimes kids are so advanced that by middle school they just skip a grade. (This was still being done when my kids were in school, anyway, which wasn't *that* long ago.) I actually know of one kid who was redshirted and it was so obvious that he didn't belong in kindergarten that they moved him up right away. I know of another who was moved up after Christmas.
What would I do? Nothing. As many have mentioned she has two full years to grow and change.
When spring of 2013 comes around I'd evaluate it on where she is at that time.
I'd seriously look at her regarding these areas in this order:
1. Self help skills (dressing, bathroom, meal times skills)
She dresses herself, she is almost 100% potty trained now, she's been feeding herself soups and stews since the age of 1 1/2. I know this may sound like an exaggeration but the girl has an APPETITE.
2. Social skills (ability to interact with others)
OK. Not the most social around but she's getting there.
3. Affective skills (ability to relate to feelings)
Yes, quite a lot in fact. She is very connected emotionally.
4. Gross motor skills (running, hopping, jumping etc)
Average for her age. She catches a ball perfectly at the age of 3.
5. Fine motor skills (puzzles, cutting, stringing, lacing, drawing etc)
Excellent. She cuts out complicated shapes with the baby scissors, etc.
6. Language skills (speaking, listening, recognizing, participating)
In my tongue - very good. In English - more or less.
7. Cognitive skills (puzzles, recognition and understanding of colors, shapes, numbers)
She's been doing 12-24 piece puzzles since she was about 2. She knows her colors, shapes and most letters (ans their sounds) and some numbers. She can count to 10.
Do a search for developmental checklists and see where she currently lands for a 3 yr old. She may be right on target, or she might be way below or way ahead.Then check her against a 4 yr old checklist and see that she might even fit in with that already.
The only part where I see some problems is the English language per se.
She clearly has good verbal abilities as she talks just fine in my own language but I simply cannot expose her to both languages as well. I have pushed my husband but he just doesn't have it in him to be too verbose, generally speaking.
The only part where I see some problems is the English language per se.
She clearly has good verbal abilities as she talks just fine in my own language but I simply cannot expose her to both languages as well. I have pushed my husband but he just doesn't have it in him to be too verbose, generally speaking.
Then I'd say she should be perfectly ready for school on her scheduled time. Between now and then it is likely your son will be helping her English progress since he will probably be speaking it the majority of the time. Plus you can use the next two years to work on her with the English, no reason to leave it all up to your husband.
You've never said what your native language is, however depending on your area and what concentrations of cultures they might have, you may very well have a teacher that speaks your native language as well. It may be fluently or it may be enough to be ESL certified. Either way, she won't be left behind due to language issues, as long as she is getting help and support at home as well.
For instance, I have 2 new kids I am keeping after school and their mother is a bilingual teacher at another school. She teaches 1st grade and has a whole class of children who speak Spanish as their first language. Some are pretty fluent in English, others not. She alternates teaching in English and Spanish for most subjects. She teaches certain subjects in English only. She's been doing this for years and she tells me that most of the children are pretty fluent in English by the end of the first semester. Her biggest challenge is that many of these families are transient and it hurts the consistency of the teaching.
So, you might have additional help at the school if she is not proficient after two more years of home instruction. I'd not worry about it even still.
I have never heard a parent regret holding their child back a year, have you?
But there are many who regret not holding them back.
I had a daughter with a July birthday that we held back one year.
Never will regret that, she was 18 all the way through her senior year of high school... imagine graduating at 17 and trying to find a job.
Or just being 17 and heading off to college.
I started college at 17. I always liked being grown up a year early. I would have hated to have been held back. As it was, I still needed to have been accelerated more, but I was always very small for my age.
We did the same with our daughter, who was not small. She did very well beginning a half-day kindergarten at age 4 and continuing to work hard until she earned two diplomas in college. She was able to do research for a year before entering medical school at age 22. She also liked being grown up early. Being able to lock in tuition at the lower rate was also very good. The cost for attending university and med school is continuing to rise at a higher rate than inflation, so starting earlier saved money.
I think it depends on the child. Our son has always been at the opposite end of normal. Even after repeating a year, he has struggled and not kept pace with his peers. We will be supporting him until we believe that he can function as an adult. It may take a while, but he is finally making progress.
I should add that my son was in fact dx-ed with a mild case of Aspergers syndrome and scored in the superior range in many parts of the IQ test (which was administered to him as part of the psychological evaluation). I don't know whether he is officially gifted but he does have an amazing memory, he has great comprehension skills, is very perceptive, etc.
I don't see the same sparkle in my daughter even tough she is clearly a very connected and perfectly intelligent child.
So far this AS business seems to be working great for my son. At first we completely freaked out, but after we talked to the school we cooled down. All props are in place if needed but so far, it doesn't look like he will need much of anything, at least not yet.
He is doing very well in school so far, he rides the bus, he has friends. Not sure how deep those friendships are but then again, we just moved in the neighborhood and he just started K - so everything looks good now.
Given that people are quite defensive and secretive nowadays when it comes to comparing children, I do not even know what it is normal for my daughter's age. All I have is my other child, but then again he does seem to be a bit different from most children his age.
Other kids in my daughter's class who seem to be closer to her age seem to talk, act and behave pretty much like she does (not much talk, at least upon first contact). But a few of those close to 4 were going to town in more than one way. So I don't know...
Syracusa,
If you decide to hold her back I can recommend some pre schools that have a young fives program in the area. These preschools are specifically for kids that may lag a bit in maturity but would otherwise be old enough for kindergarten. There is also a half day kindergarten in the area which would be a good alternative. You can send her to the half day program and see how it goes...then if all is well on to public for 1st if not you can send her to public kindergarten the following year. It is a good compromise and gives you some more time to think about it.
I agree with the crowd that you should wait and see. We held my oldest son (also May birthday) back and his intellectual and maturity growth in one year was quite surprising. Because of that, we did NOt hold back our next son (another May birthday) and he did just fine in school.
If you decide to hold her back I can recommend some pre schools that have a young fives program in the area. These preschools are specifically for kids that may lag a bit in maturity but would otherwise be old enough for kindergarten. There is also a half day kindergarten in the area which would be a good alternative. You can send her to the half day program and see how it goes...then if all is well on to public for 1st if not you can send her to public kindergarten the following year. It is a good compromise and gives you some more time to think about it.
Thank you kayday. For now, it is clear that a wait and see approach is best. I was just wondering as to what people would do if they were already facing deciison time and the kid was performing along the lines of what I described about my daughter (well but a bit of an English language problem).
I have never heard a parent regret holding their child back a year, have you?
But there are many who regret not holding them back.
I had a daughter with a July birthday that we held back one year.
Never will regret that, she was 18 all the way through her senior year of high school... imagine graduating at 17 and trying to find a job.
Or just being 17 and heading off to college.
What difference does that make? My daughter's birthday is August 24. She was 17 when she graduated high school and she started college a few days after her 18th birthday. It depends on the kid. I also have an August birthday and graduated at 17, though I didn't go to college. Just worked full-time.
And I'm laughing over the people who are concerned with her being the biggest girl in the class. It's genetics, people, not age, that will make that determination. I was one of the youngest, but always the tallest girl in the grade.
What difference does that make? My daughter's birthday is August 24. She was 17 when she graduated high school and she started college a few days after her 18th birthday. It depends on the kid. I also have an August birthday and graduated at 17, though I didn't go to college. Just worked full-time.
And I'm laughing over the people who are concerned with her being the biggest girl in the class. It's genetics, people, not age, that will make that determination. I was one of the youngest, but always the tallest girl in the grade.
I see your point, but the mom says she's already big for her age.
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At first we completely freaked out, but after we talked to the school we cooled down. All props are in place if needed but so far, it doesn't look like he will need much of anything, at least not yet. 
My daughter's birthday is August 24. She was 17 when she graduated high school and she started college a few days after her 18th birthday. It depends on the kid. I also have an August birthday and graduated at 17, though I didn't go to college. Just worked full-time.
