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We have 5 children. The means we have worked with roughly 200 different teachers for our kids. OK it may be 150 to 175 different teachers because there was some overlap, but we have a lot more experience with teachers than most teachers have. We know good teachers and good approaches styles from bad. We know what works and what does not. The good teachers stand out and the reasons for them being good teachers stand out. Bad ones same way.
However in nearly every instance where we have made a suggestion to a teacher who is struggling about what we have seen in other classrooms that worked, we get the same attack. We make a suggestion nicely and without an attack on their competence, but we get instantly attacked back - almost every time. You did not go to teaching college - you know nothing. "I do not know what you think you saw some other teacher doing, but I know all the good teaching methods and that is not one of them." (I certainly know how to tell a good teacher from a bad one - and what you are doing is not working well. But I would never put it this way. More like "Have you ever tried . . . ." or "What do you think about . . . ." it seemed to work really well for children x and Y in their * grade class" Boom! Attack mode on)
Why do so many teachers refuse to listen to parents, especially experience parents and instead say you have not been to teaching school, you do not know anything about teaching. It seems really stupid. Parents are an incredibly valuable resource that a teacher could use to rise to excellence very quickly. I would think they would draw on that resource, but most are combative or competitive with parents, especially younger inexperienced teachers. I am not talking about the bonkers parents who come in and order the teacher around or tell him he is doing everything wrong, but the lightest suggestion on teaching methods or approaches that work and do not work seems to draw an instant attack more often than not. I am also not including the teachers who claim they know the child better than the parents know them. Those teachers are just offensive. I just mean when parents make suggestions about general teaching practices they have seen that work in other classes. Why do teachers get all defensive and aggressive about that?
Shouldn’t the teacher colleges teach teachers to listen and learn from parents? Or do they and many to most teachers just ignore that part of the teaching?
Your "suggestions" may not be permitted by the school system, or may have been tried by the teacher to little effect, there may be IEP or 504 issues to be considered of which you're unaware.
Having said the above, how many teachers really asked you whether you'd had teacher training? I worked with some real pricks over the years, and I include myself in that, and none, not one, ever said that to a parent in my hearing.
I have, however, had doctors ask me from what medical school I graduated. I also had an idiot Vice-Principal ask what school of educational administration I attended. So I told and offered to compare transcripts.
A teacher has 25ish kids in each class. High school teachers teach about 6 periods per day. Imagine 150 parents sharing their pointers with a teacher. That would be insane! Of course the teachers aren't going to change what they're doing based on what a parent says. But you are right that they shouldn't be rude.
Speaking as a former teacher, there are a few problems with taking advice from the parents:
- I had 18 classes of students during my career. No two were alike. Some were vastly different. What worked for one would be disastrous for another. It isn't as simple as just you think. I've had groups that could work independently or in small groups, allowing me to work with students individually or in another small group. I've had classes full of leaders that were constantly bickering and arguing with each other- group work was impossible. I've had classes full of followers where no one would answer a question. It was like talking to a wall all year long. Group work was disastrous because they couldn't come up with a plan. Anyway, my teaching style and strategies could vary greatly from year to year. I adapted to my class. A parent, looking in from the outside, is not familiar with all of these idiosyncrasies.
- The teacher very well may have tried a dozen things already, including what you are suggesting, and without success. As I said, I adapted to my class. Sometimes it was easy for me. Other times, I struggled. When I was struggling, I was seeking help. I was changing things. I wasn't just sitting back and accepting status quo.
- "Too many cooks in the kitchen" Can you imagine if every parent decided to tell the teacher how to do something? Holy cow. Every one would give a different opinion. Who is right? Who is wrong?
- Lastly, how would you feel if you were doing your job, maybe even struggling with it and working with your boss to improve, and your client walked in and told you how to do your job? A job you've been trained to do and they have no experience in? You probably wouldn't like it. You would probably be defensive as well. You think the teacher is attacking you, but they probably feel like you are attacking them.
As I said, being rude is never acceptable. If there is a problem, it does need to be addressed. However, telling a teacher how to fix it is probably not the best course of action. Stick to the problems, but it really isn't your place to offer solutions. (No offense.)
We have 5 children. The means we have worked with roughly 200 different teachers for our kids. OK it may be 150 to 175 different teachers because there was some overlap, but we have a lot more experience with teachers than most teachers have. We know good teachers and good approaches styles from bad. We know what works and what does not. The good teachers stand out and the reasons for them being good teachers stand out. Bad ones same way.
However in nearly every instance where we have made a suggestion to a teacher who is struggling about what we have seen in other classrooms that worked, we get the same attack. We make a suggestion nicely and without an attack on their competence, but we get instantly attacked back - almost every time. You did not go to teaching college - you know nothing. "I do not know what you think you saw some other teacher doing, but I know all the good teaching methods and that is not one of them." (I certainly know how to tell a good teacher from a bad one - and what you are doing is not working well. But I would never put it this way. More like "Have you ever tried . . . ." or "What do you think about . . . ." it seemed to work really well for children x and Y in their * grade class" Boom! Attack mode on)
Why do so many teachers refuse to listen to parents, especially experience parents and instead say you have not been to teaching school, you do not know anything about teaching. It seems really stupid. Parents are an incredibly valuable resource that a teacher could use to rise to excellence very quickly. I would think they would draw on that resource, but most are combative or competitive with parents, especially younger inexperienced teachers. I am not talking about the bonkers parents who come in and order the teacher around or tell him he is doing everything wrong, but the lightest suggestion on teaching methods or approaches that work and do not work seems to draw an instant attack more often than not. I am also not including the teachers who claim they know the child better than the parents know them. Those teachers are just offensive. I just mean when parents make suggestions about general teaching practices they have seen that work in other classes. Why do teachers get all defensive and aggressive about that?
Shouldn’t the teacher colleges teach teachers to listen and learn from parents? Or do they and many to most teachers just ignore that part of the teaching?
Just as an aside, do you treat all professionals the same way? If your child in in the ER with a broken arm, do you suggest ways they can fix it better? Do you tell your mechanic "have you ever tried X"?
Anyway not all teachers go to "teaching college" and even those that do are still going to a regular college, just with a particular degree.
BTW, teaching is a group endeavor. What works for one kid, may not work for the majority, and while we all want individual instruction for our kids, that isn't what public school is about. So at most you know what works best for YOUR 5 children. You don't really know what works best for all children right?
While you clearly feel entitled to decide who is "good" and who is "bad". It might be a good idea to remember that the same way there are no good an bad children (since we all know they respond to different teachers, styles and environments differently) that maybe the teachers you like to label "bad" are considered the "best" by other students and parents.
Parents are the enemy. Teachers answer to the school, not the parents. Parents forget that, I think.
Then the whole system stinks. I am my children's parent and as such should be shown respect. God gave me the authority to be in charge with their lives. Nobody and I mean nobody has a right to take that authority away from me. Probably the reason so many children are now in private schools.
When we took our son out of an abusive situation in the public schools the assistant principal very rudely told me he would see me next year. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "No you won't." And he didn't. When we signed up with the private school the principal stood in front of us in the first parents meeting and said the he would change anything our children needed including the kitchen sink. Best move and best school around.
Then the whole system stinks. I am my children's parent and as such should be shown respect. God gave me the authority to be in charge with their lives. Nobody and I mean nobody has a right to take that authority away from me. Probably the reason so many children are now in private schools.
When we took our son out of an abusive situation in the public schools the assistant principal very rudely told me he would see me next year. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "No you won't." And he didn't. When we signed up with the private school the principal stood in front of us in the first parents meeting and said the he would change anything our children needed including the kitchen sink. Best move and best school around.
Glad it worked out for you and your family, but private school teachers are not always better! I went to a private school as s kid and I clearly remember in first grade the teacher hit my hand with a ruler just because I couldn't get an art project right. Then she lied to my parents about it! It was then I made the decision to never put my children in a private school. I know not all are bad and obviously it can happen anywhere, but my point is you can't get away from bad teachers simply by putting your children in a private school.
As far as college teaching people how to listen to parents... I doubt it! Being a good teacher who listens and is caring can't be taught. Not everyone who's a teacher should be either.
Do you tell doctors, chefs, bus drivers, mechanics, etc how to do their job? Seems rude to tell others how to do their job. It's one thing if are a colleague or have the same job to say, "Hey how do you do x? Oh that's a great way. Have you thought about y? I've tried both and abc is what worked for me from x and lmn worked from y. But oh man rst did no work at all for me. What's your secret?"
Now imagine you have 25+ parents telling you how to do your job. Oh man I'd lose my mind. Everyone is an expert especially those who don't do that job. Teachers don't answer to you. They answer to the school district. The school district has regulations they must follow. Then there's the state and federal laws they deal with.
You could pay me 10 million dollars a year tax free and there's no way I'd want to be a teacher. I know I couldn't handle the parents who know everything. The parents all feel that they are due respect, but I don't see many of them respecting teachers.....people they send their children to every day.....people who spend hours a day with their children......children they see more than many parents.
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Of course the teachers aren't going to change what they're doing based on what a parent says. But you are right that they shouldn't be rude.
