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There is a reason for this! I comment I can answer yay! This is especially true of French women. Let me say it is NOT rudeness- it is self preservation. Europeans do not generally smile and nod hello to strangers. Want to know why? Because the people that DO smile and say hello to strangers are invariably crooks- rapists, and up to no good. Ever fallen for a gypsy scam?? They are all over the place! It's best to avoid strangers there at all times.
May I say something - American women are TOO eager to "sound nice" and it gets them into trouble. Many a mugging and/or rape occurs because the American woman did not wish to appear rude, racist, or unfriendly (read police reports- this is a fact)
Europeans ARE nice- they ARE good hearted, but they aren't going to go out of their way to convince a total stranger. If a woman in Europe smiles at a stranger, she is "on the make" and considered maybe a prostitute plying her trade.
I had to laugh when I read this.
Smiling and being instantly friendly is something that is expected in the U.S. If you don't show instant superficial friendliness you are thought of as being a shady character.
In Spain they don't smile or approach just anyone, but once you have a real friend, it's a friend for life. I know that for a fact. My best friends are Spanish. I can show up at their homes unannounced and they'll take me in, they'll fight over me to stay at their homes, and get a little sad if I want to stay elsewhere.
Smiling and being instantly friendly is something that is expected in the U.S. If you don't show instant superficial friendliness you are thought of as being a shady character.
This is true in SOME parts of the U.S.
If you are being superficial and overtly friendly in cities like Philadelphia, Boston, New York, Providence, and maybe even a few more out there, people will question the superficiality as being very insincere.
It short, that's an acceptable regional attribute in parts of the U.S., but comes across as completely insincere in other parts of the U.S.
For example, I'm American as well, but 'superficial friendliness' looks very insincere and phony to me. But you are an American as well, and if a person doesn't do that, it looks shady to you. But we're both Americans. Which is true?
Well, it depends on where in the U.S. each person is more familiar with. Neither region can claim it to be a national American attribute.
Where, though? Most people are pretty up front about where you stand in their eyes in the Northeast or Chicago, for instance. I can't imagine someone from Boston ever pretending to be nice to a complete stranger. I could see Minnesota Nice being a muted version of Southern Hospitality but even we don't go to the trouble to come up with coded phrases, although if you hear someone say "interesting..." it doesn't really mean that...
I am specifically talking about someone in Boston. Funny you say not. You can't possibly know everyone and how they think in a city anywhere. If anyone makes judgments on such scant information then they don't know much. People everywhere are guilty of underhanded actions and others may or may not be aware of it. All people in a region are not grand and wonderful. Only someone very young would think so. Pollyanna was an eternal optimist. I think there's an old saying that it may be expected that a person will be an optimist until age 30, but after that they really need to be a realist or they will get burned way too often. I can be optimistic about plenty of things, but I know when to doubt and to question. At least I try to. The way I heard the story about the south and someone saying "Bless your heart" while meaning go to Hell, was a joke and wasn't being told as reality.
If you are being superficial and overtly friendly in cities like Philadelphia, Boston, New York, Providence, and maybe even a few more out there, people will question the superficiality as being very insincere.
It short, that's an acceptable regional attribute in parts of the U.S., but comes across as completely insincere in other parts of the U.S.
For example, I'm American as well, but 'superficial friendliness' looks very insincere and phony to me. But you are an American as well, and if a person doesn't do that, it looks shady to you. But we're both Americans. Which is true?
Well, it depends on where in the U.S. each person is more familiar with. Neither region can claim it to be a national American attribute.
I suppose there is less of that in large metropolitan cities.
I can see why you would be unsettled by the guy on the plane and his probing conversation - as an American, I would have been too! I mean, there's some truth to that old axiom, "He who is asking the questions is controlling the conversation." I don't ever really appreciate being on the receiving end of a lot of personal questions by a stranger.
I think he may have put a bad taste in your mouth and colored your perception of other conversations and Americans. Understandable.
That being said, we DO sometimes talk more openly about things like jobs, vacation plans, that sort of thing. If it makes you feel any better, as an American southerner, I am used to even Americans from other regions calling us southerners crazy for being so congenial, talkative, etc.!
Ive always heard 'with Europeans you dont discuss money, with Americans you dont discuss sex', and found it to be true quite often. Many times the first question ive heard Americans ask is 'what do you do', and even asking someone how much money they make. Id be incredibly uncomfortable asking such a thing. On the other hand i find Americans to be far more closed and prudish about sex, really being extremely careful talking about it, and ive rarely had that experience with Europeans.
I am specifically talking about someone in Boston. Funny you say not. You can't possibly know everyone and how they think in a city anywhere. If anyone makes judgments on such scant information then they don't know much. People everywhere are guilty of underhanded actions and others may or may not be aware of it. All people in a region are not grand and wonderful. Only someone very young would think so. Pollyanna was an eternal optimist. I think there's an old saying that it may be expected that a person will be an optimist until age 30, but after that they really need to be a realist or they will get burned way too often. I can be optimistic about plenty of things, but I know when to doubt and to question. At least I try to. The way I heard the story about the south and someone saying "Bless your heart" while meaning go to Hell, was a joke and wasn't being told as reality.
Oh, stop it - you're making way too much sense for this thread...bless yore little pea pickin' heart!
Ive always heard 'with Europeans you dont discuss money, with Americans you dont discuss sex', and found it to be true quite often. Many times the first question ive heard Americans ask is 'what do you do', and even asking someone how much money they make. Id be incredibly uncomfortable asking such a thing. On the other hand i find Americans to be far more closed and prudish about sex, really being extremely careful talking about it, and ive rarely had that experience with Europeans.
Interesting...I've lived and worked in the US for over forty years and I can count the times that someone (outside of an actual hiring/job hunt situation) has asked me how much money I make on one hand, with fingers left over. That sort of question is considered rude by most Americans as well.
Americans WILL ask "What do you do for a living?" or "Where do you work?" but don't assume they're trying to figure out how much money you make. They are probably just making conversation and showing interest in what you do for supposedly 8 hours or so of most days.
I don't know what sort of Americans you hang around with, but among themselves, American men and women often talk freely about sex (though in mixed company they may not be as forthcoming). Strangers? Casual acquaintances? Not so much. But you get a group of guys or a group of girlfriends together and Lord have mercy, what they will talk about...in great detail!
Ive always heard 'with Europeans you dont discuss money, with Americans you dont discuss sex', and found it to be true quite often. Many times the first question ive heard Americans ask is 'what do you do', and even asking someone how much money they make. Id be incredibly uncomfortable asking such a thing. On the other hand i find Americans to be far more closed and prudish about sex, really being extremely careful talking about it, and ive rarely had that experience with Europeans.
I'm going to continue to be a broken record on this thread. These things aren't characteristics of all Americans.
"What do you do?" is predominately ONLY asked in the large ambitious professional-oriented and career-networking cities like New York, Washington DC, and Hollywood California.
The mass majority of the rest of the U.S., it is just generally assumed that your job in Iowa or Oregon, isn't all that interesting, and people will ask just about any other question than that. In some parts of the U.S, asking 'what do you do?' is just plain rude. Imagine asking that in the Midwest or in the South.
Regarding sex. I've met plenty of Americans willing to, and obsessively talk about sex. It's not like all 365 million are prudes. It's also not true that all Europeans love talking about sex. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this stereotype might exist about the French or Italians being sex-talk obsessed, but wouldn't be very common at all if one was in more conservative-leaning Poland or politically-sensitive toward women in parts like Denmark, etc.
I'm going to continue to be a broken record on this thread. These things aren't characteristics of all Americans.
"What do you do?" is predominately ONLY asked in the large ambitious professional-oriented and career-networking cities like New York, Washington DC, and Hollywood California.
The mass majority of the rest of the U.S., it is just generally assumed that your job in Iowa or Oregon, isn't all that interesting, and people will ask just about any other question than that. In some parts of the U.S, asking 'what do you do?' is just plain rude. Imagine asking that in the Midwest or in the South.
It is? What's wrong with asking "what do you do" in the MidWest or South?
Quote:
Originally Posted by -Lamb;
Many times the first question ive heard Americans ask is 'what do you do', and even asking someone how much money they make.
I've never heard it's acceptable among Americans to ask how much money someone makes. Who cares, anyway? But it's considered extremely rude. Taboo, even.
I'm going to continue to be a broken record on this thread. These things aren't characteristics of all Americans.
"What do you do?" is predominately ONLY asked in the large ambitious professional-oriented and career-networking cities like New York, Washington DC, and Hollywood California.
The mass majority of the rest of the U.S., it is just generally assumed that your job in Iowa or Oregon, isn't all that interesting, and people will ask just about any other question than that. In some parts of the U.S, asking 'what do you do?' is just plain rude. Imagine asking that in the Midwest or in the South.
Sorry, but you're quite mistaken about this. "So, what do you do for a living?" or "Where do you work?" are not uncommon or taboo or "rude" or unacceptable questions in various settings in the South.
Get this - down here we actually have quite a few ambitious, career-oriented, networking professionals!
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