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I want to preface by saying that my girlfriend is the love of my life and nothing would ever change that. That being said, she is a nerdy girl, I'm a nerdy guy. I used to not have much fashion sense myself until a previous girlfriend showed me how quick, easy, and affordable it can be to look great. It's really improved my confidence and it's been a gift that keeps giving.
I'm still a nerdy guy on the inside which is why I love my nerdy gal. I have a knack for finding girls who are beautiful but don't seem to be aware of it. She is a low maintenance girl which I like. However, she doesn't seem to have much of a fashion sense. I don't want to be offensive to her but I'd love for her to realize how beautiful she can be. She is a financial planner and is frugal by nature. She is a young woman but dresses about 20 years older than she is. One of her friends even teased her in a friendly way about it.
As you can tell, I do appreciate a well dressed woman. I'm not suggesting she wear revealing clothing. I'm also not suggesting she spend a fortune on designer clothing.
I give her compliments whenever she wears something nice. I also thought about inviting her to go shopping with me at some stores with both men and women's departments. Is there anything else I can do that wouldn't cause her to be offended?
Everyone likes compliments and sure she wouldn't mind getting more.
No, you cannot give fashion advice tactfully. It will come across as criticism.
Don't say a word about how she dresses. Give her gifts of clothing items you like. Not an entire wardrobe, but a few things you think she could add to her current wardrobe to be more flattering.
Beware of treading down the path of changing the "love of your life," though.
I give her compliments whenever she wears something nice. I also thought about inviting her to go shopping with me at some stores with both men and women's departments. Is there anything else I can do that wouldn't cause her to be offended?
Everyone likes compliments and sure she wouldn't mind getting more.
I have suggestions but they will cost you $$.
I think it's a good start to take her shopping with you and innocently dragging her over to the women's section. Offer to buy her something nice and help her pick it out. When she is trying stuff on, keep complimenting her how good these clothes look at her. Get her something she likes and maybe make a mental note about her size in your head.
After that shopping day, go back and buy some of the other clothes that looked good on her and that she also liked and give them to her over time as a gift.
I'm a little concerned about your focus - you have a knack? Seems like you're pretty special for saving these poor girls from nerd abscurity...but I'll save the criticsm and assume you really care about the person and how they feel about themselves and want to help.
How does she feel about the kidding about dressing 20 years older? Have you shared your experience with having not understood basic fashion sense?
If it's something that bothers her, then you can help with honest conversation and sharing your experience. If it doesn't bother her, then your focus may be on improving how she looks with you, in which case the suggestions are neither going to be well received nor seens as very sincere.
I'm a little concerned about your focus - you have a knack? Seems like you're pretty special for saving these poor girls from nerd abscurity...but I'll save the criticsm and assume you really care about the person and how they feel about themselves and want to help.
I found this part disturbing as well.
Sounds like OP may be getting a Henry Higgins complex.
Sounds like OP may be getting a Henry Higgins complex.
It's not really that big of a deal. Again, I clearly stated that I love her and nothing would change that. I always see women complaining about the presentation of their men. This isn't some sort of double standard I'm trying to impose. This "knack" is more of a coincidence, not some targeting system or something. How is a girl wearing "mom" jeans any different than a guy wearing "dad" jeans?
I'm not suggesting there is anything wrong with her as a person. It's just not a priority for her and I'd be happy to show her it really isn't that difficult. I'm not in any way suggesting this is a charity case!
Trust me, this kind of thing ALL depends on point of view.
You did make a point of mentioning your "knack." So you should examine just what that means for YOU. I doubt it's something you would boast about to your GF.
And you should be careful about what wardrobe means for your GF. How SHE feels, HER point of view about clothing and her choices, is the key here, not yours.
Trust me, this kind of thing ALL depends on point of view.
You did make a point of mentioning your "knack." So you should examine just what that means for YOU. I doubt it's something you would boast about to your GF.
And you should be careful about what wardrobe means for your GF. How SHE feels, HER point of view about clothing and her choices, is the key here, not yours.
Again, I already explained the knack is a coincidence thing since I do put much more emphasis on character traits that nerdy gals seem to have. Again, I realize that you consider everything about a person not just their looks.
To quote an inspiring scientific article from my single days on the science of attraction:
"The research says that three aspects of clothing are required to be attractive – neat, well fitting, and more formal. Put plainly, your clothes need to be clean, pressed, and well maintained. They also need to fit you well and flatter your shape. Finally, they should be a little classy. Don't be chronically "under-dressed"...buy some dressier gear. Also, the color red is a good choice."
I have friends that are in a similar situation. The best way to get people to change/update their clothing starts a little with them. Are they married to their style? If not, then you can hand them stuff to try on in the dressing room. You pick things they wouldn't have, and the are pleasantly surprised it works. But if they like their style you have no hope.
I have a friend, we have been friends for nearly 20 years now. Since I have known her she has taken style cues from her mom. Obviously her mom is much older. What works great on a woman 25 years older than you doesn't translate well when you are younger. Her style is a little schizo. Work clothes are the things her mom would wear. Weekend clothes are way too casual. And she is really good at picking out high water pants! LOL! She is a little shorter than me, so I have no idea how she finds too short pants all the time. But she likes her clothes, and she isn't one of the friends I go shopping with so whatever!
I have another friend who basically kept all her high school faves and didn't buy anything new, well into adulthood. One day we went shopping together and we forced her to try on stuff. She ended up liking all sorts of different things. And the another thing happened: she started getting compliments on her outfits! Now she always invites me shopping and gives me credit when I am around on her cool outfit.
But it really starts with the person, you can't force anyone to change their style. If they are thinking about it, you can help them step out of their box with subtle suggestions.
P.S. I am a nerd and I have always had a sense of style! You are stereotyping.
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But she likes her clothes, and she isn't one of the friends I go shopping with so whatever!
