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My husband and I are hosting and doing most of the preparing for Thanksgiving dinner this year for his family. There will be about 30 people. We are cooking the turkeys, ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, rolls, 2 desserts, salad, and all appetizers.
I have asked all that are coming to bring something, i.e drinks, napkins, dessert, dish of their choice, etc.
I've heard from everyone but one family. They are coming, and are a family of 5...2 adults (although one of the adults really counts as 3) and 3 children. They are "doing Thanksgiving" at their house early in they day for her family and coming to our house in the evening. They have said that since they are cooking for her family they don't need to bring anything to our home to contribute to our Thanksgiving. Trust me, they will eat.
I won't DEMAND them to bring anything, but I think it's only fair that they contribute, as we are hosting, and doing most of the work (by Thanksgiving I will be 7 mos. pregnant). At this point I don't even want them to come...I don't care for them at all, but they are my husband's family.
Should I just let it go? I probably should, but it annoys me because I KNOW they will come her, let their kids run wild, eat, and then demand leftovers. They've done this before.
First just let me say we have never asked anyone to bring anything if I have invited someone as a host it's unreasonable for me to ask.
However, most of my guests if not all of them ask if they could bring something, like pies or whatever. That said...
Just let it go.. it's a holiday and though they are being totally insensitive to you being 7mo's pregnant by at least not asking if they could bring something and the fact that they may be demanding leftovers it's just not worth the aggravation it will cause you in the end of an already stressful day of cooking..
My husband and I are hosting and doing most of the preparing for Thanksgiving dinner this year for his family. There will be about 30 people. We are cooking the turkeys, ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, rolls, 2 desserts, salad, and all appetizers.
I have asked all that are coming to bring something, i.e drinks, napkins, dessert, dish of their choice, etc.
I've heard from everyone but one family. They are coming, and are a family of 5...2 adults (although one of the adults really counts as 3) and 3 children. They are "doing Thanksgiving" at their house early in they day for her family and coming to our house in the evening. They have said that since they are cooking for her family they don't need to bring anything to our home to contribute to our Thanksgiving. Trust me, they will eat.
I won't DEMAND them to bring anything, but I think it's only fair that they contribute, as we are hosting, and doing most of the work (by Thanksgiving I will be 7 mos. pregnant). At this point I don't even want them to come...I don't care for them at all, but they are my husband's family.
Should I just let it go? I probably should, but it annoys me because I KNOW they will come her, let their kids run wild, eat, and then demand leftovers. They've done this before.
How to handle this situation?
There's not much you can do. As staunch as I am in my view that hosts HOST the meal (food, beverages, decorations, etc.), it's commonplace for friends and families to share food at Thanksgiving, which is traditionally a giant feast. Isn't that what the Thanksgiving tradition is all about? Hungry families coming together to share their food and give thanks for their good fortune? I think it's pretty mean of your in-laws to refuse to contribute. But there's not much you can do ... except not give them leftovers. When the wife comes into the kitchen with her Tupperware containers, just laugh at her and jokingly remind her that she didn't bring anything so she's not leaving with anything!
Have your husband tell them just how you feel - how you feel that the one person is really 3 people - how you don't like them - how you don't want them to come over.....and I'll bet that they won't come over.....I know I wouldn't, ever again.
I agree with the above poster. If I am hosting, I would not request anyone bring anything, even though most/all would offer.
With that said, I would just let it go. However, I wouldn't provide leftovers. It is not unreasonable to say you planned your next several meals around the leftovers you hoped to have.
And truth be told, Crazymom, you're going to have a boatload of food. It's not like you have to make extra because they won't help. With all you are cooking and all that the others will bring, you'll have more than plenty. So although I understand your frustration, at least you know that whether or not they bring buttered parsnips will make no difference to your table.
Sadly, we are on a budget this Thanksgiving, and no one wanted to do Thanksgiving dinner, so we offered. One of his family members suggested that everyone bring something, i.e drinks, napkins, condiments, etc. I thought that an excellent idea, and incorporated her suggestion in our invitation. She has taken the initiative to send out a email blast to all coming, detailing what she is bringing, and asking that everyone contribute something.
Everyone is on a budget, and cooking a meal for 30 people is costing us well over $300. So, it was this particular family member that suggested we ALL contribute something. And so far everyone has obliged. This one family refuses to contribute. Now, I totally get that we are all on a budget, and I never to to someone's house empty handed....but when a small contribution is suggested, then do something. Bring a pack of juice boxes for the kids. Bring a pack of bottled water. My husband and I are doing the bulk of the cooking, and are fine with that; we work very well in the kitchen together.
These folks are family, (the ones I speak of) but no one, not our kids, my husband, me want them there. There are other family members that do not want them there either....they are rude, their children are terribly behaved, and it's just a really uncomfortable situation. Of course we cannot disinvite them, and my hope is that we are all so busy on that day that we hardly notice them.
Maybe I'm hung up on how they are being obtuse by saying, "we won't bring anything". I don't know...if it were me, I wouldn't have to be asked. I would just do. Most people I know would do the same thing, and wouldn't require a request.
My husband did say, that unlike in years past, we will not be dishing out tupperware of leftovers. If we cooked it, we keep it. Fair?
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazymomof3
My husband did say, that unlike in years past, we will not be dishing out tupperware of leftovers. If we cooked it, we keep it. Fair?
What a really icky situation for you to be in.
This part of your last post is what I was going to suggest. Just let it go, let them eat while they're at your house, but do not give them leftovers. You're on a budget? Those leftovers can feed YOUR family for a few days.
PS. Just a hunch that, when they do show up, they're going to bring something, even if it's just out of guilt. Just a guess...
Maybe I'm hung up on how they are being obtuse by saying, "we won't bring anything". I don't know...if it were me, I wouldn't have to be asked. I would just do. Most people I know would do the same thing, and wouldn't require a request.
My husband did say, that unlike in years past, we will not be dishing out tupperware of leftovers. If we cooked it, we keep it. Fair?
I agree they are as you say being obtuse.. Quite frankly I even though I love them with all my heart I could do without my 2 and 4 year old neice and nephew coming over because they drive me batty after a short time.
Just suck it up and next year dont extend an invite to them it's not like they will be going hungry, your meal will be their second for the day.
Those leftovers would come in super handy come Feb (if they freeze well) when our little blessing comes!
I could use that turkey to make turkey tettrazini and freeze it!
Thanksgiving will be fine, I hope. We've rented a bounce house for the kids to play in the backyard, and I've picked up some extra toys at yard sales for the kids to play with. I am looking forward to (more than anything) spending time with my husband in the kitchen. We don't get a lot of time together anymore, and I'm grateful we can cook together.
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