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Hello!
So here's the thing, I'm British, my husband's American, and we live happily here in the UK with our three little ones. I've been to America extensively, including to live for a few years which was cut short when I had to move home because my mum was terminally ill. We had been in the DFW area with my husband's family at the time (pre-children). Apart from that I've travelled the US extensively, and even studied for a short while there.
My husband and I had been chatting recently about what it would mean (negatives and positives) to us as a family if we moved to the US for 3 years. Our little ones are 6, 5 and 2. It would need to be soon so that they could start kindergarten and first grade from the start with everyone else which would be this coming school year for them. The positives would be that we would get to spend quality time with my husband's side of the family, get to travel a bit and show the children some great places and show them the other half of their identity. The negatives would be it's Texas and while we stay out of politics generally we'd definitely fall into the democrat side of things. We're pro choice, anti guns, not religious at all and we don't like Trump😳 Please don't bash me! There's plenty of people like us...BUT, we'd be moving to Texas and I worry (although I wouldn't shout about any of it and would never bring it up in conversation unless pushed and then I'd be subtle, polite, respectful etc.)
Why three years and not shorter/longer? Well, my husband has to think about his job - he can't go flitting around with it. Also, once there we'd need to save and recoup the costs of moving and make the move worthwhile by travelling as and when we could within the states). Also, I'd just rather return home before my eldest started middle school there (we don't do middle school) so that the natural progression would be for him to finish elementary (or finish a year before it ends), and then we'd return home so he could finish his final year of primary education here with the friends he's made now in his current school before moving up to "big school" with them.
So what do I do? It's a massive move just for 3 years and I'm scared to leave my dad (especially after what happened last time we left when my mum became ill and died). We love our life here - we feel safe, we walk our little one to school and home each day and to the park and shops etc and I love how people smile and say hello when out walking here but nobody seems to walk in the US (for obvious reasons - it would take days to get between places)😊 The gun thing in America scares me massively - especially when it comes to schools. I would worry myself sick. I'm concerned the school's might be too big for our little ones - one hasn't yet started school (he'd go into kindergarten) and the other goes to a 170 student school. The school they'd go to there is nearly 600 children. There's 6 classes at his current school, around 28-29 children per class with two teachers in each plus 1-2 assistant teachers in each. There's no changing of classes between lessons (we don't do that here until 12). Homework isn't mandatory at primary school age here generally. My little boy has a homework book and a few weeks before each school break (I think we have a couple more of those than US schools too - we're in one now, a week long), he gets given a sheet with about 50 activities to choose from that are worth either 2, 4, 6, 8 or 10 points. They ask you to get at least 20 points by completing activities that amount to that many points. The activities will be based around what they're currently learning plus general activities...such as to measure things around the home and record them in size order, or collect some leaves and flowers and stick in your book to make a repeating pattern, (this is for 6 year olds remember😊, or draw a rainforest scene and label what you have drawn or research Fairtrade farming and write what you've learnt about Fairtrade and why it's important. That kind of thing. So nice and simple, mostly fun. I've heard from Americans themselves some horror stories about the pressures put on children with homework there and it worries me.😳
Flip side is the family (we have more family in the DFW area (Granbury...so fairly rural)...than family over here, it's only for three years, the weather would be great and we'd make sure we had a pool which the children would love. We'd get to travel also which would be fantastic. They'd get to play little league and experience a different way of life.
Questions:
- Would anyone else make the move?
- Would we stand out in a negative way because we don't go to church and aren't republican? (The Granbury area is fairly rural so we'd stick out a bit I think).
- Would my quite shy, gentle, quiet little boy struggle with a big school or would they help him to be comfortable there? He's not an overly confident child.
- Would we be disliked for not being Republican or religious etc (even though we don't talk about it but sometimes it's unavoidable when directly asked).
- Do I need to worry as much about the gun situation as I am?
- Finally, would we be welcome? I've had some quite hostile comments made to me in the states before so I'm worried about putting the children through that. At college there I had someone shut me in a room while he pounded a world map on the wall shouting "America is the greatest country in the world! That's why we're f**king in the middle of the f**king map!!!" At which point my response was, no, you're in the middle because it's your map - every country is in the middle when the map's from their country.😂
Anyway, I digress! Any help would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for such a long question! There's so much to think about on this and if my husband applies for his transfer (his same job with the same company is available out there now) and if he got it then it would all move so fast due to school starting September of course. Please help!
P.S. Please don't get me wrong, the fact that it's Texas is NOT a negative - the negative is we're probably the furthest in our beliefs on politics, religion etc. than most Texans would be. We love Texas and we love the people. If we didn't, this move wouldn't even be a consideration��
You'd 'fit in' better in the AUSTIN area - but you might 'learn more' living in the dfw area.
DFW in general is MUCH more conservative and we LOVE our God, guns, and gop. What else is there to talk about?
It will rough on your kiddos; leaving now and then leaving again in 3 years will destroy all friendships twice, and they'll prolly get bullied here for 'talking funny' (at least in the public schools anyway).
You needn't worry a bit about Texans who exercise & defend their freedom and liberty by LEGALLY possessing & carrying guns:
- they'll 'behave' and take care of themselves (and you too maybe if you get in a pinch with a bad guy )....
You need to worry about the thugs, rapists, and home-invasion robbers that would be more than happy to accept your anti-gun-flag waving invitation to help themselves to your property, your security, maybe even your childs' innocence..
Oh wait - maybe the public school teachers will take care of that last one . . .
Last edited by oldoak2000; 05-31-2017 at 08:35 AM..
I wouldn't do it if you are planning to return to England. However, I WOULD spend many long vacations with your husband's side of the family. Perhaps you might do some summer vacation 8-week rental situations near your inlaws.
I wouldn't bother making such a huge move unless you intend to stay forever or for more than 3 years. Moving back and forth in such a way would be pretty disruptive and even traumatic to your kids. I moved from 4 states away and it was a MASSIVE undertaking- coming from a whole different continent is something else entirely.
I agree with WorldKlas- take extended vacations here and enjoy the other side of the family that way.
Thanks so far, that's a massive help and has certainly shown more of a serious side to moving. I do worry about them "being different" in school. I think here, because we have so many people in the UK from all walks of life all crammed in a small country, children don't tend to think twice about someone standing out. Not that there aren't bullies! Don't get me wrong. But generally speaking school life is pretty tame outside the big inner city public schools. Even at my little boy's school, where there's a low diversity rate with most children being white with a couple being from Malasia, a couple who are Muslim and then just two black children. There are about 6 visually impaired and one in a wheelchair. There's never any issues, nobody gets picked on (there was one child causing a bit of upset in his class by being verbally abusive to a few other children and the school head shut that down real quick!
I certainly wouldn't advertise our anti-gun ways by the way ) And we respect all religions and wouldn't shout about us not being religious. We are friendly and I was kind of hoping if we went my children might make friends easily as they are kind and fun - or do you think that's an unrealistic outlook and they'd still get picked on? I did say to my husband that I'd pull them out and homeschool if they were bullied. Between myself, my husband and the grandparents I think we'd have a good base to homeschool them at this young age. We could only do it at this young age, I do feel they need their education and so I wouldn't want them to be any older and do it!
The area we were looking at has a low crime rate and the in-laws have lived there nearly 15 years. I wouldn't even entertain the idea if it didn't feel safe and have a low crime rate. I'm still trying to justify a move but realistically I'm just looking for more and more help from people in making a decision! )
Also, yes there is the moving and then up and moving again...but we would be returning home to where we currently live. My friends are here who I grew up with and they all have children who my little boys play with regulalry so I'm hoping we could, after a transitional phase, slot back in to our old way of life with them all. In a way, this would possibly be like a 3 year vacation (with school and work!)
Just throw all your thoughts at me! Argue with me if I need to be brought back to reality! ) Agree with me if you think my worries aren't as bad as I think they are. Whatever you like - it all helps! )
P.S. We can't really afford to do extended vacations. We're a family of 5 so air fares would be huge. Also, my husband can only really get 2 weeks off at a time, 3 max, per year and as it's his family over there he'd really like to go too. Otherwise, that would have been a great idea )
I wouldn't move to Granbury. I would at the bare minimum move to Austin or Fort Worth. You would still be within an easy drive by TX standards to Granbury but would be in a more cosmopolitan place than Granbury. I know quite a few British families who live in Fort Worth and they like it here. It will be a real culture shock but less of a culture shock than Granbury would be. If private school is within your budget my kids attend a private school in Fort Worth that caters to expats. They are very familiar with the unique needs of expat families and the expat kids aren't treated differently because they're from another country. They're also great with shy, gentle kids.
I wouldn't move to Granbury. I would at the bare minimum move to Austin or Fort Worth. You would still be within an easy drive by TX standards to Granbury but would be in a more cosmopolitan place than Granbury. I know quite a few British families who live in Fort Worth and they like it here. It will be a real culture shock but less of a culture shock than Granbury would be. If private school is within your budget my kids attend a private school in Fort Worth that caters to expats. They are very familiar with the unique needs of expat families and the expat kids aren't treated differently because they're from another country. They're also great with shy, gentle kids.
This is good advice. Look in central FW, not out in the burbs or exurbs. You will be much more likely to find like minded people. Our group of friends includes people from over 20 different nations.
Austin will have even more of what you are looking for.
Thank you! The hope of being so close to family though would be so we could see them every day pretty much. Go over for dinner after school etc. Which would be more of a challenge from Fort Worth (and obviously Austin although I do like Austin!) I also worry about crime the further in to Fort Worth we get. Granbury seems not to bad on the crime front. I am really worried about the idea of home invasions as they are very rare here. In the UK as a whole. As for where I live, which is still a big city (on the edge though), I did read of a home invasion...a man was on his computer in his office upstairs at home and he heard someone on the stairs - he came out the room and saw a man. The man said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realise anyone was in," went back down the stairs, put his shoes on which he had taken off and left neatly and then left. So you can see what we're working with where I currently live )
I really appreciate all the help - seriously, any more just keep it coming. This is a massive thing for us and we need to look at every possible angle and we need inside help on this ) So your answers are really welcome and very much appreciated.
With regards to the private school in Fort Worth - may I ask the name and how much it is please? Not sure if we can stretch to it but it would be great to know just so we can consider all options.
Also, is there any chance that as my little boys are friendly and kind and playful that they may make friends and be looked after as opposed to being picked on because they're different? Or is that just a silly thought on my part?
I did think about home schooling if school didn't work out but I wouldn't know when to make that decision. Obviously you need to make a good go of it and give them time to settle in but too much time at a school where they may be being bullied could just change their character and outlook on life and I wouldn't want that to happen. A big move would be one thing - but then to face being bullied too when they've never experienced anything close? Well, that would be really tough I would think. There's so much to think about.
Thank you again so far - keep it coming if you don't mind! )
In terms of neighborhoods that have like-minded people to you, Fairmount might be a good choice; the area seems quite liberal by Fort Worth standards. However, you'll want a private school or a school transfer as the zoned public elementary schools (De Zavala and E.M. Daggett) are very low performing. The lower academic performance at the public Fairmount schools is largely the result of socioeconomic factors as the attendance zones for these schools include higher-poverty neighborhoods closer to Interstate 35W. Many parents in the Fairmount area send their children to the public Daggett Montessori (K-8) school, but you have to be selected by a lottery in order to attend that school, thus admission is not guaranteed.
The best public elementary school in Fort Worth by far is Tanglewood Elementary, but the cost to live in the Tanglewood zone can be very expensive, and might be comparable with many high-end FW suburbs such like Southlake in large portions of the Tanglewood zone. Tanglewood is also over-crowded and still growing, and there is talk that Tanglewood might have to be expanded or have its attendance zone split in favor of a new elementary school (which would likely be just as good). If the Tanglewood zone is too cost-prohibitive, another great public school choice would be Charles Nash Elementary. It is a small school (~275 kids) and one of the higher performers, academics-wise, in the Fort Worth school district. Most of the downtown area falls under the attendance zone for Nash, but you'll want to use this site to double-check.
And I would definitely follow tcualum's suggestion at looking into private schools as an expat. Although Texas has raised their academic standards in recent years, public schools in Texas tend to have lower academic standards (or at least tolerate them) compared to public schools elsewhere in the US as well as when compared to public schools in the UK. I'd be concerned that your 6-year old might be ahead of the other kids as a result, and might risk getting bored in school as a result.
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, or draw a rainforest scene and label what you have drawn or research Fairtrade farming and write what you've learnt about Fairtrade and why it's important. That kind of thing. So nice and simple, mostly fun. I've heard from Americans themselves some horror stories about the pressures put on children with homework there and it worries me.😳 
) And we respect all religions and wouldn't shout about us not being religious. We are friendly and I was kind of hoping if we went my children might make friends easily as they are kind and fun - or do you think that's an unrealistic outlook and they'd still get picked on? I did say to my husband that I'd pull them out and homeschool if they were bullied. Between myself, my husband and the grandparents I think we'd have a good base to homeschool them at this young age. We could only do it at this young age, I do feel they need their education and so I wouldn't want them to be any older and do it!
