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Your MOM is the one thinking you're to cheap -- interesting. I think you're 25 and need to say "thanks mom' and stick with YOUR original plans.
I WOULD say tell mom to but out -- but I'm sure she's loving and has your best interest at heart. In this case just nod and do what you were going to do.
Maybe I'm off base here and tell me if I'm wrong. I've been a big saver my whole life. I'm 25 and have almost $100k saved between stocks, 401k, IRA's etc. I put in about 25% of my paycheck into my 401k then generally save about 40% of what's left over into IRA's etc.
I haven't had a real relationship before my current girlfriend (I've had three GF's in the past, but all three didn't last more than a few months and were in college when we were all pretty broke and there was a ton going on as far as student activities), so this is my first "Adult" relationship.
We met in November and started "officially" dating a few weeks later.
I keep track of my finances on Mint.com and recently started looking at what I've been spending. Over the course of the last three months -- almost $1,200, or $400/month.
I'm like.... whoa.
Now, I can afford it, but it's starting to "bug" me as I never spend like that.
Hell, I buy jeans at Goodwill, make most of my meals (which involved rice, beans, oatmeal, etc), and when I went out with friends, we usually went bowling or laser tagging and if we went to dinner, it was usually Noodles or a local burger joint for their week-day specials. Things like I've been meaning to get a new laptop for work since my old one isn't handling some of the new software as fast as it could, but I keep holding off since, well, my old one works. Or when I travel to Europe, I stay in hostels and eat in hole in the wall places.
It's like, $60/week for dinner "out", We meet up on a weeknight and grab Pizza/Chinese and that's another $20 much less if we actually do something, like going to see a concert, bowling, etc can easily be another $40-50 for the two of us.
Her birthday is this weekend and Valentines Day is in three weeks, so I can figure that's another $300-400 spent.
Idk. I'm just having a hard time letting go of all the money.
Maybe on the other hand, you have been too frugal for your age, and your mom is happy for your new relationship and wants you to loosen up a little. Does your new girlfriend like the Cardinals by the way?
A small thoughtful gift should be perfectly acceptable if your new girlfriend is truly into you. No need to buy her affection.
On the other hand stressing about having to spend money on her is not healthy either. Thoughtfulness does not have to cost a lot of money to show you care.
Your MOM is the one thinking you're to cheap -- interesting. I think you're 25 and need to say "thanks mom' and stick with YOUR original plans.
I WOULD say tell mom to butt out -- but I'm sure she's loving and has your best interest at heart. In this case just nod and do what you were going to do.
Mom definitely needs to be told to but out. If the OP needs to nip mom's interfering behavior in the bud now or she'll be interfering in his marriage next.
I think in the courtship stage of life one should loosen up and spend some money -- that time will not come again. I am frugal by nature but when I was dating I know most women find it a turn off if a guy is perceived as "cheap." You can think what you want but the majority of women will judge you for that and not favorably. Being frugal and smart with moeny is admirable -- but it is a fine line when you are dating. As another wise poster said -- women are expensive. Just a fact of life.
While I'm with Mom that tickets to a sports event might not be just what every girl wants, I would never assume that you need to spend a lot of money to make a girl happy.
Do a little googling to find ideas for cheap/fun dates. I like to go hiking, picnics in the park and to visit the free Art Museum on Friday nights. I get bored just going out for dinner. Find out what your girl REALLY likes to do. And help her reciprocate by planning some 'cook at home' nights. If she has any sense at all, she will offer to cook for YOU which will give her a chance to contribute.
I think when a guy starts dating he shouldn't be cheap in the beginning. He should spend some money otherwise she might consider dumping you. During that time you should see the signs if you are financially compatible. She could be a natural spender or just bad with money.
I consider guys finding a girl that they love who's frugal like winning the jackpot. It's an awesome feeling.
I would love to see you post this in the Relationship forum. A lot of posters there are in denial. Unless you meet a low-maintenance frugal woman, more than likely you will be spending money.
I know everyone's advise is confusing to you. But it is striking a balance between being too cheap and trying to impress is what you should be aiming for. If you strike that balance, and she "expects more", then her dumping you is the best thing that could happen to you. Spending hundreds for either a birthday gift or Valentines Day is way out of line to me, and should not be expected at this juncture. As another poster mentioned, being perceived as cheap can be a turn off, but going to the other extreme is not smart either. A $50-$100 dollar thoughtful Birthday gift with a personal sweet note from you is more than acceptable.
If she is a Material Girl, and you are not in this relationship for the long haul, then yes, you will have to pay because that is what Material Girls want. Only you know what kind of relationship you are after.
Here's some examples of gifts that you could consider. You could probably find them cheaper if you shopped around. If her Birthday is in January, then her birthstone is garnet. But I would never buy jewelry on line as you need to see it in person and size is very deceiving online. Look in places like Kohls, TJ Maxx or if you belong, Costco, as they have some good prices on some nice jewelry.
She's not -- actually a lot of pressure is coming from my mom.
I asked her a few weeks back about her birthday and what she wanted to do. She said "nothing" and mentioned she usually goes over to her parents for dinner (and that I'm invited).
I was planning on getting her flowers and tickets to a Cardinals game in April when they're up here playing the Cubs.
My mom was saying that wasn't enough and I should get tickets to a dinner-theater show instead and should make reservations at some restaurant for Valentines Day now etc.
My plan for V-Day (she's actually going to be out of town that weekend for work) was to get her roses and chocolates and make a fancy dinner together.
I also know that "nothing" means a **** ton more than "nothing" when coming from a girl too....
I think you should know by now whether or not your girlfriend truly means she expects "nothing" when she says it. As mentioned earlier in the thread, some people just don't do birthdays, and low-key dinners are a perfectly fine way to celebrate. If you're having doubts that she meant what she said, then you may want to consider whether she is the right person for your money sense.
(As an aside, it makes me a little sad to read that yet another man thinks a woman doesn't mean what she says when she says it. What is wrong with our society that men have learned to expect this??)
Have you ever asked her something to the effect of, "Instead of going out to dinner/concert (or doing whatever that costs more $$ than you'd like to spend), how about I make a home-cooked meal for you/we grab some take-out and stay in to watch a movie (or whatever you consider more economical)?"
Oh yeah, and don't listen to your mom on this one. If your girlfriend is truly happy being with you regardless of whether you spend the money for tickets or fancy dinners, then there's no need to continually try to "impress" her. Making dinner together for Valentine's Day sounds like a great idea - it's intimate, can be a lot of fun, and seems more interesting than doing what almost everyone else does (going out to dinner at some restaurant).
Girls don't have to cost money. Not every girl needs to be impressed by your spending money. Some may even prefer to go dutch or pay her own way. Heck, some may even be more impressed by your having some money sense, rather than spending on things they don't want or care about.
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-- but I'm sure she's loving and has your best interest at heart. In this case just nod and do what you were going to do.
