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1) Few reasons for her to stay home. Not too many financially right now, it's currently more of a stress, happiness level thing, for BOTH of us. For her though.. Improve her health. Keep our house clean, we are both disgusted with how it is currently.. it is a mess. Cook dinner, we both love cooking but hardly have the time for it after work. Our work lunches during the week are pretty pitiful.
Having these things done will be a lot better for both of us and give us more time to spend with each other, the things we love, and be healthier and less stressed. And oh, we are planning to try for kids within about a year, and we both really want her to be able to stay home with the kids. This will definitely save on day care.
2)Fortunately my current health insurance from my company is very good, so unless I lose my job or switch jobs, the medical costs with birth should be very doable.
3)We are in a small single family home now that is far from desirable. Because of our dogs, we have been unable to move in a smaller place or apartments. 95% of them won't allow dogs. We would ideally like to buy a small 3bedroom starter home for around 100-125k and move into something nicer 200-250k in around 5-7 years once my career has come further along.
Right now we live in the midwest where cost of living is medium-low to medium. Don't know if this helps but a nice 2000 sqft 3 bedroom home costs about 175k
The best thing to start with is to learn how to manage your time better. There is no reason two adults cannot work, go to school, keep the home clean and enjoy hobbies, especially when they have no children to tend to.
If you cannot manage your time now how do you think you will be able to manage your time when you throw in a bigger home and children?
Many people have gone to school full time, worked full time, taken care of children and their activities and kept their homes clean as well as cooked almost every meal at home, including lunches to take to work.
The best thing to start with is to learn how to manage your time better. There is no reason two adults cannot work, go to school, keep the home clean and enjoy hobbies, especially when they have no children to tend to.
If you cannot manage your time now how do you think you will be able to manage your time when you throw in a bigger home and children?
Many people have gone to school full time, worked full time, taken care of children and their activities and kept their homes clean as well as cooked almost every meal at home, including lunches to take to work.
I have to agree as well. I'm scratching my head as to how two adults without children cannot find time to enjoy hobbies, school, clean house and other things. Saying that one person needs to stay home to manage all that is kinda puzzling when I know plenty of people that run around to different kid activities, keep the house sparkling, have time for fun and both work a job.....and are happy.
I'm in a dual-worker household with two kids. Couldn't be happier and we manage our time pretty well. It's all about teamwork, and managing time, and stopping to smell the roses. But by both of us working, we avoid one of the other big reasons for divorce...financial issues.
The best thing to start with is to learn how to manage your time better. There is no reason two adults cannot work, go to school, keep the home clean and enjoy hobbies, especially when they have no children to tend to.
If you cannot manage your time now how do you think you will be able to manage your time when you throw in a bigger home and children?
Many people have gone to school full time, worked full time, taken care of children and their activities and kept their homes clean as well as cooked almost every meal at home, including lunches to take to work.
Way, WAY easier said than done. There's simply not enough time for it. I'd be hard pressed to find people who can truly life this way without enormous amounts of stress. And sure, MAYBE it's doable, but not without the stress of it. I had an aunt and uncle who both worked full-time in careers that demanded long hours, they had three kids, and my uncle was pursuing a 2 year MBA program too. Sure they did it, but the end result was not pretty. Soft drugs and picking up smoking, near divorce, heart attacks for both of them in their forties, kids raised by teenage babysitters, and a mess of other problems. They at least kept their house clean, ONLY because they hired a house cleaner!!!!! They brought in some 400k combined annually and were the most miserable of anyone in my family. All that money, most of it being blown on things necessary to keep up that crazy lifestyle, and the rest being put towards comforts they never had a chance to enjoy. Ok, so this is just one story, but I think this side of the story is more common than people who can handle everything you mentioned with ease.
Just looking at our schedules, it's near impossible to fit time in for accomplishing the things you mentioned, at least while maintaining sanity.
6:30AM - wake up
6:30 - 8AM - eat breakfast, take care of dogs, shower/shave/hair, dress, make ourselves presentable (we both work in jobs that require nice clothes, makeup, cleaning up, etc)
8AM - 5PM - work. (Sometimes we have to work later which REALLY screws up this schedule...)
5-5:30 PM- get undressed, get situated, take dogs out
5:30 - 6:15PM - work out/exercise (really we should be getting a little more too..)
6:15 - 6:30 - shower, change clothes
6:30 - 8:00 - cook dinner and eat. (We cook from scratch, no frozen meals here... This is pretty standard for prepping/cooking a large meal from scratch and actually sitting down to eat)
8:00 - 8:30 - dogs dinner and take them out for night time potty
8:30 - 9:30 - school work
9:30 - 10:30 - Tidy up. Prepare lunches, clean dishes from dinner, take care of any important emails, bills, paperwork, random household tasks
10:30 - bed time
so there you have it. No time for our relationship. No time to play or walk our dogs. No personal time. No time for friends or hobbies. No time to do chores/cleaning properly. This is bigger than a time management issue. Honestly, I think we manage our time pretty damn good.
3)We are in a small single family home now that is far from desirable. Because of our dogs, we have been unable to move in a smaller place or apartments. 95% of them won't allow dogs. We would ideally like to buy a small 3bedroom starter home for around 100-125k and move into something nicer 200-250k in around 5-7 years once my career has come further along.
^^This is why renters shouldn't have dogs. You end up paying more in rent because you're forced to rent a house instead of a cheaper apartment (plus higher utilities as well) and it's taking away from your ability to start a family on solid financial ground, not to mention adding stress to your life (as you admit yourself).
And, by the way, I agree with you that the 2 full time income earner lifestyle is generally stressful with kids and it definitely does increase the divorce rate (unless you have family/extended family to watch the kids, which is generally the exception in America).
It sounds like you could use a healthy dose of Mr. Money Mustache:
^^This is why renters shouldn't have dogs. You end up paying more in rent because you're forced to rent a house instead of a cheaper apartment (plus higher utilities as well) and it's taking away from your ability to start a family on solid financial ground, not to mention adding stress to your life (as you admit yourself).
Eh, it is what it is. Dogs are extremely important to my fiancee and bring her lots of joy. Yes though, they are lot of work and shut some doors for cheaper rent
In hindsight, one dog was fine. Very manageable. We definitely made a mistake getting a second dog, a little too much responsibility that we weren't 100% ready for. It is what it is though. We do the best with what is on our plate.
Thanks for the money mustache link, very interesting read.
Way, WAY easier said than done. There's simply not enough time for it. I'd be hard pressed to find people who can truly life this way without enormous amounts of stress. And sure, MAYBE it's doable, but not without the stress of it. I had an aunt and uncle who both worked full-time in careers that demanded long hours, they had three kids, and my uncle was pursuing a 2 year MBA program too. Sure they did it, but the end result was not pretty. Soft drugs and picking up smoking, near divorce, heart attacks for both of them in their forties, kids raised by teenage babysitters, and a mess of other problems. They at least kept their house clean, ONLY because they hired a house cleaner!!!!! They brought in some 400k combined annually and were the most miserable of anyone in my family. All that money, most of it being blown on things necessary to keep up that crazy lifestyle, and the rest being put towards comforts they never had a chance to enjoy. Ok, so this is just one story, but I think this side of the story is more common than people who can handle everything you mentioned with ease.
Just looking at our schedules, it's near impossible to fit time in for accomplishing the things you mentioned, at least while maintaining sanity.
6:30AM - wake up
6:30 - 8AM - eat breakfast, take care of dogs, shower/shave/hair, dress, make ourselves presentable (we both work in jobs that require nice clothes, makeup, cleaning up, etc)
8AM - 5PM - work. (Sometimes we have to work later which REALLY screws up this schedule...)
5-5:30 PM- get undressed, get situated, take dogs out
5:30 - 6:15PM - work out/exercise (really we should be getting a little more too..)
6:15 - 6:30 - shower, change clothes
6:30 - 8:00 - cook dinner and eat. (We cook from scratch, no frozen meals here... This is pretty standard for prepping/cooking a large meal from scratch and actually sitting down to eat)
8:00 - 8:30 - dogs dinner and take them out for night time potty
8:30 - 9:30 - school work
9:30 - 10:30 - Tidy up. Prepare lunches, clean dishes from dinner, take care of any important emails, bills, paperwork, random household tasks
10:30 - bed time
so there you have it. No time for our relationship. No time to play or walk our dogs. No personal time. No time for friends or hobbies. No time to do chores/cleaning properly. This is bigger than a time management issue. Honestly, I think we manage our time pretty damn good.
My husband and I both work full-time at professional jobs that require more than 40 hours per week. We have lots of time for each other and to enjoy ourselves, particularly as we don't have kids. I'm terrified to have them because I don't want to give up all my lovely free time, lol! I really think you guys just need a schedule revamp.
Getting ready in the morning can be simplified if you look into standardizing your appearance. Look into creating professional "work uniforms" so you are not staring in the closet for 20 minutes trying to decide what to wear (see: Power Dressing). Also research creating a complimentary wardrobe so everything in your work closet goes together, i.e. all the shirts match all the ties so there is no hemming and hawing over what to wear. Your wife can youtube how to put on professional makeup in 3-5 minutes. Can you get up a little earlier and do a morning workout instead? That would eliminate the need for a second shower and changing after work. I'm just saying that there is a lot of information out there about how to efficiently run your mornings if your open to some changes.
I cook from scratch too and during the week it does not take me long to put together a meal for two people. Save the big, long cooking for the weekends. During the week, season up some salmon and asparagus, put it on a baking tray and broil them for 10-15 minutes. Fresh, healthy dinner in no time and if you line the baking dish with foil, all you need to do is throw away the foil and wash 2 dinner plates in terms of cleanup. Internet is full of resources for these kinds of recipes. Also look into freezer meals and batch cooking. It's possible to prep and/or make dinner for the entire week in just a few hours on a Sunday. Same with lunches. Unless you are bringing sandwiches to work, you can prep lunch for the both of you for the entire week on Sunday (mason jar salads, make a big turkey or roast and some veggies and divide it up into those cheap plastic lunch containers by Glad, bento box lunches). Plan your weekends wisely so you have more free time during the week.
If you have to cook during the week, while one of you is cooking, the other one can be answering emails, paying bills, doing a little tidying up. That alone would free up the 9:30-10:30 slot for gaming/connecting as a couple. While one of you is showering, the other can be making the dog's dinner. This schedule reads as if you both are doing things in tandem instead of splitting chores to lighten the load.
I don't have any tips for the dogs because I don't have any. Can you combine the dog care with working out, like taking the dogs for a run?
I think for most working couples, the weekends is when we pursue most of our hobbies and hanging out with friends and give the place a deep clean. Any lounging around I do during the week is usually inside the house in front of the tv or computer or with a book. I think if you rework some things, you guys can do that as well.
If you streamline your routine to start enjoying yourselves during the week, you will be living like royalty if one of you can stay home, lol!
Good luck to you, OP!
Last edited by mtpfoodie; 06-12-2015 at 04:46 AM..
Reason: Edited to add link
6:30AM - wake up
6:30 - 8AM - eat breakfast, take care of dogs, shower/shave/hair, dress, make ourselves presentable (we both work in jobs that require nice clothes, makeup, cleaning up, etc)
8AM - 5PM - work. (Sometimes we have to work later which REALLY screws up this schedule...)
5-5:30 PM- get undressed, get situated, take dogs out
5:30 - 6:15PM - work out/exercise (really we should be getting a little more too..)
6:15 - 6:30 - shower, change clothes
6:30 - 8:00 - cook dinner and eat. (We cook from scratch, no frozen meals here... This is pretty standard for prepping/cooking a large meal from scratch and actually sitting down to eat)
8:00 - 8:30 - dogs dinner and take them out for night time potty
8:30 - 9:30 - school work
9:30 - 10:30 - Tidy up. Prepare lunches, clean dishes from dinner, take care of any important emails, bills, paperwork, random household tasks
10:30 - bed time
so there you have it. No time for our relationship. No time to play or walk our dogs. No personal time. No time for friends or hobbies. No time to do chores/cleaning properly. This is bigger than a time management issue. Honestly, I think we manage our time pretty damn good.
OP, i'm going to be a little frank here....so don't take this personally. I'm just going to expand on what I've read here.
Your schedule is nothing really unique among working couples. Add two kids to the above schedule and you have myself and my girlfriend's daily M-F routine and we are a pretty happy, stress-free couple with plenty of relationship developing time. I'm actually an obsessive neat-freak (everything has a place) and we manage to keep a clean house despite the two tornado's living under the roof. I'm just scratching my head at how two adults with no kids can't keep a house clean enough to the point it's stressing them out. When I was single and alone I could clean house in 30 mins and it would be pristine for a week. How much time do you need?
Perhaps the dogs are taking up more of your time and energy than you think? I had a dog and know the amount of work and attention they need. When she passed this spring, we made a decision to not have any pets so that we would free up that time for the kids and such, and that's been so true. Dogs are a lot of work. So maybe you need to think long and hard about this aspect...especially if you want to have kids.
Your uncle and aunt's life is not typical. They are working to support an upscale lifestyle. Life's about choices here. They chose to spend and spend and as a result overworked themselves. You can make different choices, but make sure they are choices that make you happy too.
OP, sounds like you both need to learn some time management skills. Your future bride definitely needs to learn some housekeeping skills. You both want what you want, but won't give up anything for it.
First, the "starter" house - when I first got married, we bought a real starter house: 2 beds, I bath, probably 900 sf. We had 2 children, and gave them the larger bedroom (2 girls) while we stayed in the smaller one. We lived there until our daughters were into their teens, and still own that little house. It comes in handy. We moved to a much bigger home after that. Lower your expectations.
The dogs: what's more important to you, your future family, or a couple of dogs?? If you can't handle 2 dogs, how will you handle 2 kids? You should consider getting rid of one or both dogs.
There will be an interim period between your wedding and your first child (hopefully there will be!). Why can't your bride work part time until she has the first child? It could take 2-3 years before that happens (we just never know). As far as I am concerned, until you guys are parents, you should both work, even if for one of you it's part-time. That is reasonable.
Lastly, stop counting your chickens before they hatch. That's an old-fashioned expression for, don't count on any future income that you don't have today. Another old expression for it is, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. We all want to have successful businesses, and careers that fly.
Is it doable? Yes. But you both need to do some growing up first. It isn't always "what it is".
Your schedule description is, sadly, simply what it means to be functioning and responsible adults in contemporary society where there aren't a whole lot of other people to fall back upon.
The dogs are a HUGE responsibility. I'm a pet nanny and although I think dogs are great, they're soooo much more work than cats. I could NEVER have dogs at this stage of life. Dog sitting means 1.5 hours of each day per dog sitting client. I bet you're spending 1.5 hours a day on your dogs too. It's an incredible commitment. Not saying you need to get rid of them, I'm just pointing out that when I'm not dog sitting I have an additional 1.5 hours a day to myself (I actually limit the dog sitting piece of my services to just 10 or less days each month because I value my time with my family and hobbies).
Otherwise, you'll need to work with cooking. Make sure your recipes make a ton so you can use them for lunches and freeze for future meals. This week I froze half a pan of lasagna and 4 fillets of teriyaki salmon (just boil some rice and add a salad). I make frozen burritos and they're not fancy or even flavorful, but they get the job done and they're healthy (I make the beans from scratch too).
I'm actually an obsessive neat-freak (everything has a place) and we manage to keep a clean house despite the two tornado's living under the roof.
This has me extremely impressed. My hubby and I are neat freaks too, which is why we stopped at one kid.
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