Hi sinister-
Do I ever have a story for you.
It starts back in October 2001. I was a native Texan. Had lived in the Wichita Falls area for my whole life. Also , had lived in Dallas for a short while but mostly in W.F.
In October of 2001 while online I met someone. She was from Oregon, Willamette valley area. We started off talking online but it wasn't long before we were talking on the phone. She was fairly young , as was I. She 19, me 25. At the time I had a fairly decent job. It wasn't great paying but it was a very comfortable job and I loved the people that I worked for.
Finally , after about 6 months of talking daily on the phone we decided to meet. She asked me to come out and visit , meet her , her family, Oregon.
So I did. I went out in Early May of 2002. I had never been on a plane before let alone really been anywhere other than my neighboring state of Oklahoma. So for me to go as far as Oregon for a trip it was super exciting.
We really hit it off. Spent the entire week together , met her family , saw some great places in the Willamette Valley like Silver Falls state park. It was the best week that I had ever experienced in my life. It was like what I had been searching for I had found. The problem? It was about 2200 miles away.
So at the end of the week neither of us wanted me to go home but knew I had too. I remember going to the airport in Portland , crying , being very sad that I had to go back home after finding such joy.
Well, it was short lived. On the plane ride home I had done a lot of thinking. What was I going back to Texas for? My job? ya maybe. but what else? I didn't get along with my parents at all ( and I still really don't). I knew I wasn't happy in Texas at the time. So what was to stop me from moving to Oregon? Besides the fact that I really had no money saved , had no idea where I would work (although she had a good steady job and had promised to help me get started in Oregon).
So I got back home to Texas , went back to work , worked about a week and then put in my two week notice. Her and I started looking for places for me to rent up there , we found a place. The plan was I was going to move there and she was going to move in with me and she would pay the bills till I could find work, with an excellent letter of reference I wasn't worried about finding work in my same field. In fact I had even started working with a recruiter up there.
So June 7th, 2002 I landed in Oregon. Only a few short months after meeting this great girl and only a few weeks of having met her. I took a chance , I risked a lot , but never thought twice about it.
In the beginning things were rough. She moved in with me , but then struggled with that because she had never lived on her own. She went home for a week or so but then returned to me as she felt very guilty I guess that here I had moved across the country for her and she had suddenly changed the plans on me. (which I was ok with because she only lived 10 miles from the apartment).
I found a job almost instantly. In the same field.
In June of 2004 we were married. ( Even though we had our struggles early on it was clear we were meant to be with one another and had worked through our struggles).
Shortly after we were married I started really getting a feel for Oregon, but had also really started missing Texas. A lot of it was the rain in Oregon. I wasn't use to it. So I started talking to her about the possibility of us moving to Texas. She was very much against it because she unlike me was very close to her family and loved Oregon.
We visited Texas about once a year and I showed her many different areas , yet the answer when it came to moving here was always NO. It was to far from family , we had nothing down here , our life was in Oregon is what she would tell me.
I tried to make the argument that we could have a life anywhere. We could easily get jobs in our fields down here, but the answer was still always NO.
Time kept moving on and the years went on and over the years constantly I would ask, beg her about moving.
I had told her that I would even make the agreement with her if she would move with me and try it down here for at least one year. If at that point she was absolutely miserable and missed home that much we could move back no questions asked. Still the Answer NO.
Other than this issue we got along great. I mean sure we had our financial struggles and other small issues like every couple does but this was the only thing that kept coming between us and was really damaging our marriage.
Finally , I reside to the fact that she isn't ever going to move to Texas or anywhere out of state for that matter so I start thinking maybe there is a place in Oregon where they get a little more sunshine and not so much rain that we could move to.
After some research , trips etc I discovered Bend, Oregon. It was roughly about 2 hours from where we lived and the same distance from her family. Bend is Colder than the valley but surely sees more sun than the valley.
So I thought this was it! This was perfect. This would solve the complex between us. I was wrong.
When I suggested it , it was sure we could look into it , take a trip over there , but at the end of the day she was never going to move. It always got put on the back burner.
Fast forward to November 2010 , I had finally had enough. I was miserable at my job , miserable with Oregon , could not see why in the heck she wouldn't do this for us.
So I gave her one last chance. I said I am going to Texas ...basically with or without you. I don't want our marriage to end but I need to experience this. Told her that I would even be willing to go down by myself for a while and test the waters....after all maybe she was right maybe I was crazy for wanting to come back to Texas but I had to find out why I so badly desired to come back here.
Well , I had made arrangements to stay with My sis in OKC until I could save up some money to get a place in Texas and find employment. I left Oregon in late 2010. I was in OKC for roughly three weeks...her and I talking on the phone constantly. Her state of mind was...she was devastated that I had left. My state of mine was ... I was devastated that she would not come with me or at least let me experience this for a little while on my own. After a few weeks of arguing about it we decided that maybe what we needed was counseling. I reluctantly agreed and went back to Oregon in December of 2010. Only a few weeks after being down here I headed back to try and save my marriage. Our marriage.
Counseling starts in January , we go for a while and it isn't going well. She wants me to learn to live and like Oregon and me I want her to move. So after going through a few months of counseling and seeing it wasn't working I was frustrated beyond belief. I felt my life was on a train to nowhere. Couldn't bare the thought of having to stay in Oregon any longer.
Finally , in August of 2011. THAT WAS IT. She came home from work and I sat her down and said I just can't do this anymore. We HAVE TO MOVE. The answer. Yep, it is still NO. So once again I make a final ditch effort , begged , pleaded, but the answer was still NO.
So I told her I was going. She was welcome to come , or she was welcome to stay. ( I figured in the back of my mind by forcing the issue after I was gone she would eventually give in and move). I was wrong yet again.
I left at the end of August 2011. By the end Of September I had divorce papers on my sisters door step in Oklahoma.
Fast forward a little to current time and date over a year later... (September 2012) , we are divorced I haven't heard from her in a very long time , I am in the Dallas / FT worth area , have a decent job doesn't pay a lot but it pays the bills. Love the people I work with. Have my own , nice apartment , ...
BUT........Something doesn't feel right. I am still not completely happy. Worse yet... Texas (especially the DFW area ) hasn't been at all what I expected. I guess after living in Oregon for almost 9.5 years I actually got use to the cooler air , the fresh air. The very mild summers, I miss my friends up there , I miss my sister and my niece up there. ( who had moved there in like 2003-04. )
I guess what I am trying to say by this BOOK I have written....
is that.....Although the grass may seem greener on the other side...I don't think it ever really is. Find the pleasures in life that do make you happy no matter where you live. I know I wished I had. If going back to Oregon is what you want to do and you are certain of it then by all means go for it. But put a lot of thought into it. If you have already moved back there then I hope it is going good for you.
Myself , well I am considering moving back in either spring or summer this next year 2013 , but I have a lot to consider....jobs , where to live , I need to save a little money , etc. But after it is all said and done....I think I will be going back and will say Good bye to Texas once and for all. I still don't know what the desire was to be back here and probably never will but i do know the price I paid to come back here wasn't worth it. I hope this helps you make a decision , and anyone else struggling with a similar issue well, best of luck and ,may we all just find the happiness that we tend to constantly look for in life.
Pauly
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
wait till you hear my story...
Give it more time
