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Stumbled across this site and thought I'd throw my situation out here for discussion.
I've lived in Southern Illinois (close to St. Louis) my entire life (I'm 54). Married for over 25 years, 2 girls (20 and 24) that still live at home.
My family, as well as my spouse's family, all live within 15-30 minutes from one another. We are all VERY close. Lots of laughter and love at family gatherings.
I also have a very close knit circle of friends. Not superficial acquaintances, but very genuine friendships (which is often hard to come by).
Both of our mothers are still alive. Mine is in her mid-80's, still very active, doesn't take any medication, and takes care of her home still (cuts grass, gardens, etc.). Spouses mother is in her 70's, not quite in as good as shape as my mother, but still has her own place too, and doesn't have any serious health issues.
Wife and I have never been crazy about the area - we hate the winters, and unless you are a sports fan, St. Louis can be somewhat boring once you've seen everything. Not bashing it, but we do get bored with it.
Wife has always wanted to retire to a warmer area. We visited Texas (Dallas area) a while back, and we loved it - the people, scenery, cleanliness, good infrastructure, etc.
A few months ago, my wife resigned (we both worked at the same family-owned company)from a very lucrative position due to some ethical issues within the organization that she felt were compromising her integrity. Three months later, my position was suddenly "eliminated".
This is the third time (!!) this has happened to us in our 28 years of marriage (due to company closures, not performance related)
The last time I was out of work for over a year (was never out more than a month or two before), and I went nearly mad with severe depression (I've been working since I was 13 years old). I did some work on the side, but it wasn't steady employment.
So this go around, the wife and I thought maybe we should use the opportunity to "test the waters" and apply for jobs in Texas AND our immediate surrounding area to see if we could get any hits.
We've both applied for countless positions in the St. Louis area, with a few interviews, but no offers.
The other day I received a call from a job that I applied for in Texas, and shortly after the phone interview I was made a great job offer. Crazy!
So you probably have already guessed about my dilemma. My wife is wanting to get the house ready for sale right away (we had it built over 18 years ago), while I get a temporary efficiency apartment in Texas. She will then focus all efforts on obtaining a job in Texas, and once she does, we will sell our home in Illinois and look for a new home in Texas.
While I was truly excited at first about getting the offer and relocating , I'm suddenly having second thoughts, almost to the point where it is paralyzing.
My oldest daughter wants to stay behind. She has a serious boyfriend, and is scrambling to try and find a place to rent with her girlfriends.
Youngest one is all on board with leaving. Her sister and her are best friends, but she has never liked the area.
I've always been a "family comes first" guy, and actually turned down a job almost 20 years ago that would have required me to move out of state.
I worry about how many years my mom has left, and that I will regret leaving. I also will miss my friends terribly, as we get together every couple of weeks. My brother and I are also very close, and hang out regularly. And of course, I'm less than thrilled about leaving my 24 year old (yes, yes, I know it's time to "leave the nest", but I would still like her to be close by if possible).
Looking for thoughts and advice from people out there who had similar situations.
Looking for thoughts and advice from people out there who had similar situations.
At 54ish... the fully retiring question is usually centered around health insurance.
Even for those with deep pockets.
Packing up, selling out and leaving is the easy part.
Picking the one best place to start up again is the tough part.
(It doesn't exist)
Most will be well advised to NOT BUY right off the bat.
Rent somewhere that should suit, get familiar, make some friends ... be certain.
Allow yourselves at least a year and be preprared to REPEAT the exercise too.
Unless you're ready to retire, your first priority should be your ability to earn an income (in my opinion). That however comes from my bias at being paranoid about being out of work and not being close to anyone (family or otherwise); I wouldn't give a second thought about moving because of work to somewhere I would like to live.
The way you describe all your friends and family in the area, I certainly wouldn't want to leave to start a new life in a new state.
If nothing else, at least check out direct flight times and prices. It's not the same as driving over for dinner on a whim, but you don't want to feel like you can't visit them because of costs or flight availability.
I think it would be a mixed blessing for you. You are very family oriented (as am I) and as your mom ages or decline begins you will most likely feel quite frustrated at not being near. Although the flip side is a more exciting (at least during the honeymoon stage) environment.
I'm an hour away from my 79 yr old mom and 83 yr old dad (both functioning very well and very active at this point although mom is beginning to have some health and memory issues) and I plan on moving closer before the year is out. It's not just for them. I live quite rural and am ready to be closer to town (my husband recently passed quite unexpectedly) but rather than move toward the area that the rest of my family is (including my kids and grandkids) I'm wanting to be closer to my parents as I see the time coming up where they're going to require more help.
One of my daughters moved about 3.5 hrs away and I love the town she's in. I wouldn't mind moving there but at this point I feel that it's more important to be near my parents.
I would suggest if you haven't already read this thread that you peruse it as a lot of these issues are brought up (for diversity of thought)... Moving away from aging parents
The way you describe all your friends and family in the area, I certainly wouldn't want to leave to start a new life in a new state.
If nothing else, at least check out direct flight times and prices. It's not the same as driving over for dinner on a whim, but you don't want to feel like you can't visit them because of costs or flight availability.
Years ago, I moved TO the St. Louis area (Alton, Illinois actually), and left behind all my family and friends on the East Coast. I had many life-changing and wonderful experiences in Alton, but I have always wondered if it was a mistake. Everything changed while we were away, and "flying home" became a once-a-year event.
My mother died suddenly while I was living in St. Louis, and my relationship with other family members shifted and not for the better.
Big moves change things, especially with family members.
Social connections to family and friends are more important than words can easily express.
IMO, paying the bills and one's own mental health(and one's immediate family) take priority over aging relatives. However, that being said, if you can make your finances last for at least a year without going seriously into debt, I would stay put for now because it sounds as though you truly do not want to leave, although a new place sounds tempting. However, GOOD jobs are very often not easy to get after age 50 unless your skills and experience are highly in demand. (My husband just landed a new direct-hire engineering position at age 61, after quitting his previous job, although it took almost two months.)
Well, all the other thoughts are fine. But, if you don't make a change now, you likely never will. Those folks will still be there and you would have the option to move back if Texas doesn't work out for you.
Both my husband and I have been in WA state for a long time. His son lives on the Oregon coast and has a baby due in July. Yet we are still planning a move to TN. He's retired and I plan to be, once the house sells. If we don't take this chance, we are tying ourselves to high coast of living and high property taxes with no guarantee of seeing the son any more often than we would cross country.
Both of our mothers are still alive. Mine is in her mid-80's, still very active, doesn't take any medication, and takes care of her home still (cuts grass, gardens, etc.). Spouses mother is in her 70's, not quite in as good as shape as my mother, but still has her own place too, and doesn't have any serious health issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by notsothoreau
Those folks will still be there and you would have the option to move back if Texas doesn't work out for you.
No, nothing is certain. But chances are they will still be there, unless someone dies. Folks that I went to high school with in California still live in the same place.
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