Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
i woudl NEVER..NEVER..let my husband relocate alone...there is a great european saying:when the cat is not at home,the mice dance on the table"..wifes found their husbands involved with somebody else,if they lived such long time alone...the times are hard in usa,country is in recession,a good earning profesional is very interesting for many women (maybe younger and better looking then you..the truth...)who in addition have a bad material situation...
and let me tell you something..in this economy professionals do not have too much choice...he could end being longer there...but my opinion go together through it,not live separately..and never put your hand in fire for any man,not even if it is yours...as soon as a younger,prettier is in game,you can become fast second choice..your husband would not be the first married man,father doing that..you are a familly,you go and stay together,no matter what..children will adjust no worry about that..
Its funny, I was thinking 300 miles really isn't that far. I mean if you were talking about 1000 miles, that would be a whole other story, but 300 can be done in a weekend. Living in Chicago, about half the people I know make the weekend trek to Cincinnati, and that's 300 miles. I wouldn't move the family for 300 miles.
I know what you are saying, but when that 300 miles translates to a 6-7 hr drive that doesn't start until 5pm on a Friday, that's not fun. Especially when he'd have to turn around and leave again by 2 or 3pm on a Sunday to make the drive back. Flying would only be slightly less time when you factor in security time, an hour each way to the airport, and flight time. Not to mention that he would need to either rent a car at the airport (adding to the expense), or I would need to drag all of my kids out at midnight to go pick him up.
Yes, I would do it for one weekend, for sure. As a matter of fact, when we were younger and living away from home, we drove 400 miles for just the weekend to attend the wedding of good friends of ours. But that was different. We are talking about every weekend, or even every other weekend, for a whole year.
Maybe that seems like it should be enough time, too, a whole Saturday and most of a Sunday, but when you throw in the kids' activities/games/parties, church, and social obligations, which could not be put on hold every weekend visit, there really isn't much downtime.
i woudl NEVER..NEVER..let my husband relocate alone...there is a great european saying:when the cat is not at home,the mice dance on the table"..wifes found their husbands involved with somebody else,if they lived such long time alone...the times are hard in usa,country is in recession,a good earning profesional is very interesting for many women (maybe younger and better looking then you..the truth...)who in addition have a bad material situation...
and let me tell you something..in this economy professionals do not have too much choice...he could end being longer there...but my opinion go together through it,not live separately..and never put your hand in fire for any man,not even if it is yours...as soon as a younger,prettier is in game,you can become fast second choice..your husband would not be the first married man,father doing that..you are a familly,you go and stay together,no matter what..children will adjust no worry about that..
I appreciate what you are saying, I really do, and although it is not a concern of mine and doesn't influence my decision-making, it is something that some women (and men, too) definitely do need to consider.
We are in that situation now. My dh took a job in another city, he took a small, efficiency apt while we were going to get the house sold and move.
Here it is, almost a year later, nothing's changed. We're still here, he's there. although I don't worry about him fooling around ( maybe I should), I would never recommend splitting up, even for a short time. a short time has a way of growing. For us, it was one thing after another, and we got used to living apart. he's missed a whole year of the children's lives. You can't just replace a family with phone calls, text messages, weekend visits, etc. You need daily interraction.
We are in that situation now. My dh took a job in another city, he took a small, efficiency apt while we were going to get the house sold and move.
Here it is, almost a year later, nothing's changed. We're still here, he's there. although I don't worry about him fooling around ( maybe I should), I would never recommend splitting up, even for a short time. a short time has a way of growing. For us, it was one thing after another, and we got used to living apart. he's missed a whole year of the children's lives. You can't just replace a family with phone calls, text messages, weekend visits, etc. You need daily interraction.
I would do it. I was a kid who moved around a lot and learned a lot from each new experience. Your situation is the best of both worlds because it's temporary. The kids will get a brand new experience for a year which will provide them with fresh perspectives with the benefit of being able to return to the familiar at the end of the year. I think it's almost an ideal scenario.
I would do it. I was a kid who moved around a lot and learned a lot from each new experience. Your situation is the best of both worlds because it's temporary. The kids will get a brand new experience for a year which will provide them with fresh perspectives with the benefit of being able to return to the familiar at the end of the year. I think it's almost an ideal scenario.
Thanks Dorthy, that is basically the way I am looking at it, too!
My husband got a 12 month contract at a company 200 miles from where we lived. I stayed behind with our child because we didn't want to move for just a contract ... and all of our family lives in our current city (my side and his side), plus all my friends, my church, etc. It was very hard. Every family has its own culture, so things will be different depending on that. But hubby and I are very close, and never spent any significant amount of time apart since we met. We had a young child, whom he was with every day since she was born, and it was very hard on him to be apart from the both of us. Emotionally, I was much more reliant on my husband than I realized - despite having a tremendous support system at home.
He came home almost every weekend, so it wasn't like we didn't see him, but there were definitely weeks when I was tempted to just break our lease and join him. In the end, his contract ended early so he came home after 6 months. It was just about the breaking point for me, so I was relieved.
Your children are older, so moving them would be more complicated than moving our pre-school aged child. I think it's a good idea that you talk to them about the move, and make sure you hear their concerns, fears, etc. That way you can respond to them later, and check in with them regularly. I understand not wanting to ask them what they want to do if you've already made up your mind, but it's still important to keep the lines of communication open. Especially for the 12 year old. Middle school can be a really tough time and if they are happy where they are, uprooting them could be upsetting. Making sure you're both there to be listening ears is key!
Good luck!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
maybe I should), I would never recommend splitting up, even for a short time. a short time has a way of growing. For us, it was one thing after another, and we got used to living apart. he's missed a whole year of the children's lives. You can't just replace a family with phone calls, text messages, weekend visits, etc. You need daily interraction. 
