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Unread 09-07-2006, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Patriot Nation!
648 posts, read 1,752,711 times
Reputation: 349
Default Raising your kids away from "home"

Hi everyone. I am new so if this topic has been discussed before I apologize. I was wondering, how many of you out there have left your hometown or homestate before having kids, now have children, and have decided to stay put and not go home? How does that make you feel? Does it bother you to have your children grow up in an area that you do not share a common history with? Do you feel like you are missing the family experiences the kids would have back home? The reason I am asking is that my husband and I move from Southern CA 7 years ago to the Boston area. We now have 2 kids. From what I am reading and hearing from various posts as well as friends back home, SoCal is not the best place for young families right now. We have a nice home in a good, safe town here in MA. We may stay, but we are really struggling with raising our kids in a different part of the country than we came from. I find something sad in that.
p.s. I know what my Grandmother would say. She moved from another country for a better life here in the US, in the days before commercial airlines, internet, and the like. very scary I'm sure.
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Unread 09-08-2006, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,013 posts, read 22,954,240 times
Reputation: 12017
I'll be in sort of the same boat as you in a week and a half! I have a grown son and one still at home. We are native Californians but my husband, youngest son and I are moving out of state. My older son will stay in California. Eventually he wants to move to where we are, but it's just not feasible for him right now. I am going to miss him terribly - I see him every day, and I think he's going to miss us too. Since he grew up and moved out of our house, we see him more than we ever did when he actually lived with us!!! He gets bored at his place and comes over every evening to have dinner with us and watch TV. I expect that he'll probably only remain in California for another six months or so before he just decides to move to be near us.

You can raise your kids anywhere, it's what you teach them at home that counts. If you want to come back to SoCal to raise your kids, just do your research. Not all places in CA are bad. I presently live in Palm Desert and have had no problems raising my kids here. It's a safe, clean place but it's extremely hot for almost 6 months out of the year and of course, it's expensive. There are other places that are nice for families though that are not as expensive. Just do your research. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
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Unread 09-08-2006, 03:20 PM
 
156 posts, read 564,295 times
Reputation: 120
Post I understand...

2 KidsforMe as we are experiencing a similar situation. We are from the Midwest and currently live in the South. We miss the four seasons but even more we miss all the traditions that grow out of that - winter sports in particular. We also miss being able to attend family functions more than once or twice a year. Since leaving "home" our whole family has gained a new appreciation for placing "quality of life" over a promotion or salary increase. Obviously, "quality of life" is relative to your personal likes/dislikes and what is familiar to your family. Sometimes it takes living somewhere else to sort that out. Best of luck...
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Unread 09-08-2006, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Maine
7,535 posts, read 9,633,576 times
Reputation: 5980
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2KidsforMe View Post
Hi everyone. I am new so if this topic has been discussed before I apologize. I was wondering, how many of you out there have left your hometown or homestate before having kids, now have children, and have decided to stay put and not go home? How does that make you feel? Does it bother you to have your children grow up in an area that you do not share a common history with?
It can be hard, yes, and being so far away from family can be very hard at times. But no way would I go back to New Mexico. I want more for my kids than I had, and I refuse to move back there.


Quote:
Originally Posted by 2KidsforMe View Post
Do you feel like you are missing the family experiences the kids would have back home? The reason I am asking is that my husband and I move from Southern CA 7 years ago to the Boston area. We now have 2 kids. From what I am reading and hearing from various posts as well as friends back home, SoCal is not the best place for young families right now. We have a nice home in a good, safe town here in MA. We may stay, but we are really struggling with raising our kids in a different part of the country than we came from. I find something sad in that.
To each his or her own, but I would never move young kids to southern California. If you've got a good house in a safe town, you are blessed.

What is it exactly that you miss about So. CA?

My advice: If you're feeling rootless, put down new roots. Get involved in your community -- either schools, charities, churches, local government, etc., etc.
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Unread 09-08-2006, 06:57 PM
Status: "birdsong and butterflies" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: SE Michigan
6,138 posts, read 5,284,702 times
Reputation: 9682
Speaking as a person who used to be a kid who moved a lot...to your children, home is where they are now, and with you as a family, not where you grew up. In other words, it's probably sad for you but not for them - if you think MA is the best place to raise your children, get involved like Mark S said and know you can visit California and your home state.
Ironically enough I was born in Boston but left when I was two - my parents moved from there to Scotland.
Is it because your kids won't spend as much time with their grandparents, or their aunts and uncles?
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Unread 09-11-2006, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Patriot Nation!
648 posts, read 1,752,711 times
Reputation: 349
Default Thanks

Thanks everyone for your responses. It helps to know there are alot of people out there in the same boat. Thanks especially to traveling paws. Beautifully said-my family is with my children! I think what I miss most about CA is a state of mind. I guess it's an East Coast/West Coast thing. It's so hard to define priorities and a good quality of life-it's so subjective. Is it good schools, a nice house in a safe community, nice neighbors, recreational opportuniites, light traffic and a good job for hubby? We have that here in MA. So many people leave their home state because they can't find those things there anymore. What we don't have is the day to day advantages of being by extended family. Alot of us out there have to decide what really matters most, and make a decision we can live with, and ultimately one that is best for the kids, if you have them. We are planning a visit to SoCal this Christmas to see if what we long for is still there. Who knows, 2 weeks with the in-laws and maybe you won't be able to get me on a plane back to Boston fast enough LOL!
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Unread 09-11-2006, 07:58 PM
Status: "birdsong and butterflies" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: SE Michigan
6,138 posts, read 5,284,702 times
Reputation: 9682
I think you should talk all your extended family into moving out to Boston with you...!
I lived in Northern CA from 1979-1985. Absolutely loved it, and I know just what you mean about the state of mind - but that state has changed so much....if I was wealthy and could afford oceanside living in Half Moon Bay, Santa Cruz, Monterey...I'd move back in a heartbeat!
But alas, I will never be that wealthy. Never thought I'd be living in the Midwest (now there's a whole 'nother state of mind for you) and I'm finding the that while the grass is always greener somewhere else, it's important to enjoy what I have instead of always wondering if "somewhere else" would be better.
Mind you my family has been spread out over various continents for as long as I can remember so I don't know what it would be like to have them all close by. I'd probably want to move away.
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Unread 09-18-2006, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Orlando
631 posts, read 2,064,129 times
Reputation: 494
Have you ever heard the saying.... "Bloom Where You Are Planted"? It helped me several times as I have moved from PA to CA to PA to FL!
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Unread 09-18-2006, 04:06 PM
 
Location: East Idaho
28 posts, read 172,089 times
Reputation: 32
Our situation is similar. I had my first 2 kids in my homestate, near family, then moved. I now have another child that my mother has only seen once!

It's hard, sometimes I want to go back "home" so badly! However, it's probably not possible. California is my home state and we just cannot afford to live there and be able to have a good quality of life.
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Unread 09-18-2006, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Patriot Nation!
648 posts, read 1,752,711 times
Reputation: 349
Default Willing to try to Bloom here!

Thanks everyone. I think I just needed to know that there are others out there feeling the same way. We are from CA too, and going back would be economic suicide, to quote my husband. My kids see there grandparents, uncle and cousins only once a year. But, I know we can provide a better life for them here in MA, at least right now. From reading the various posts throughout this forum, so many of us have left home to do just that. So let's all try to bloom where we are Planted!
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