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I know many grandparents who make flights from Europe, Hong Kong etc. That is expensive travel. I have no clue where some have gotten their overinflated travel costs. This is Cleveland to Chicago. Get serious 2 people can come and stay with a flight and hotel for a long weekend for under 600 bucks if not under 500 or 450. They can eat with us and we can drive them to the hotel. If money is an issue they should ask us to split costs. This is there freaking grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents. Save Skype for your college buddies. If you can do physical labor around the house, you can visit your grandson. That's more important than comfort and convenience.
Being able to do physical labor doesn't mean they can travel. Maybe he can mow the lawn, but had a urinary issue that means he has to pee every 30 minutes and makes traveling hard. Maybe his back doesn't hurt while walking/mowing, but it does while sitting. Maybe his eyes are fine for the yard, but not for the interstate.
It doesn't sound like your mom can travel easily.
If seeing them this often is so important, maybe you should not have moved so far away.
Maybe their finances are struggling and they don't want to tell you. Who knows. Stop being so angry at them.
A coworker moved from Philly to Detroit. He often makes the 8hr drive to Philly with 2 kids to visit family but they often meet half way in Pittsburgh for weekend so kids can see grandparents but no one party has to travel too much. U can rent a house on airbnb and stay somewhere in Indiana.
Before having kids, did u visit ur parents often?. It sounds like ur parents behavior is same as it was before u having kid. So its not about the grandson but rather u and their lack of interest in traveling. My mom hates traveling, thinks the most comfortable place in world is her home. So we all commute
I know many grandparents who make flights from Europe, Hong Kong etc. That is expensive travel. I have no clue where some have gotten their overinflated travel costs. This is Cleveland to Chicago. Get serious 2 people can come and stay with a flight and hotel for a long weekend for under 600 bucks if not under 500 or 450. They can eat with us and we can drive them to the hotel. If money is an issue they should ask us to split costs. This is there freaking grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents. Save Skype for your college buddies. If you can do physical labor around the house, you can visit your grandson. That's more important than comfort and convenience.
I think we all know this doesnt have a thing to do with "bonding" with a 4 month old. It has to do with you feeling you should be the center of everyones universe. Some grandparents just cant wait to see a new baby, and some are like eh...Ive already done this. A 7 hour car trip (going AND coming), plus staying in a motel, just to see a 4 month old baby who will have no idea who they are, just isnt worth it to a lot of people. If you were serious about them seeing the baby, Skype would work just fine for you. In fact you would tell them that you understand how difficult travel is for them, but you would love them to set up Skype to see the little munchkin. But its not about the baby, is it. He's only 4 months old. They were out to see him already. What more do you want?
You sound really full of yourself. Its no wonder they wont make the effort. Still waiting to hear how many times you visited them in the last 2 years. Last I saw planes and roads go both ways.
Last edited by carnivalday; 11-20-2016 at 01:34 PM..
I think we all know this doesnt have a thing to do with "bonding" with a 4 month old. It has to do with you feeling you should be the center of everyones universe. Some grandparents just cant wait to see a new baby, and some are like eh...Ive already done this. A 7 hour car trip (going AND coming), plus staying in a motel, just to see a 4 month old baby who will have no idea who they are, just isnt worth it to a lot of people. If you were serious about them seeing the baby, Skype would work just fine for you. In fact you would tell them that you understand how difficult travel is for them, but you would love them to set up Skype to see the little munchkin. But its not about the baby, is it.
You sound really full of yourself. Its no wonder they wont make the effort.
I did want to point out that the grandparents were "excited enough" that they already made the trip to see their new grandchild sometime before he turned four months. They have just not planned another trip.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobseeker2013
My parents have seen our 4 month old only once. They are not planning on visiting anytime soon. Before our son was born, they didn't visit either. They say they have health problems, so they can't visit. Its too hard.
... My mom can't go by herself because she uses a cain (cane) and cant drive but is willing to come if my dad comes along. Looks like the responsibility is on us. Sound familiar to anyone?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobseeker2013
They can afford a plane ticket but they would have to stay at a hotel since the bedrooms are upstairs. Before visiting last time they have not been here in close to 2 years....
OP, are you & your family going home for Thanksgiving or Christmas? Are you visiting your wife's family for Thanksgiving or Christmas? Or is everyone invited to your house?
So get in your car and go see them, or fly like you said.
I don't recall either set of grandparents ever visiting us. We always went to visit them. My dad used to visit but only because he and dh were golfing buddies. He'd see the kids before/after rounds of golf. Other than that we visiting him. Dh's parents came to our house once and that was just to see our new house. Other than that we took the kids to visit them. I think travel is harder on older people.
Sorry I could not reply sooner. Thanks for responses before my wife became pregnant, I would visit twice a year. When my mom was more independent and mobile, she would come and visit 3-4 times a year and stay with us. My dad never came so it's the same pattern. I think he himself has visited 3 times in 10 years. So I think it's the same pattern. Now my mom cant go.They are in there mid 70s so with my dad it has been going for a while. He was allegedly too sick to travel even though he worked full time until he was 69. He never retired but was laid off so he would have worked longer.
We are not visiting them for Thanksgiving but have invited them. My dad does not want to stay overnight at our house because we have pets. So there is nothing much we can do there. I don't really want to visit with an infant son so we will probably stay put for a bit. In addition we have to board our dog.
We will probably do Skype and phone calls as there is no alternative until spring time when out son is older. We may fly that can be a solution for us before then
Last edited by jobseeker2013; 11-21-2016 at 01:46 PM..
Sorry I could not reply sooner. Thanks for responses before my wife became pregnant, I would visit twice a year. When my mom was more independent and mobile, she would come and visit 3-4 times a year and stay with us. My dad never came so it's the same pattern. I think he himself has visited 3 times in 10 years. So I think it's the same pattern. Now my mom cant go.They are in there mid 70s so with my dad it has been going for a while. He was allegedly too sick to travel even though he worked full time until he was 69. He never retired but was laid off so he would have worked longer.
We are not visiting them for Thanksgiving but have invited them. My dad does not want to stay overnight at our house because we have pets. So there is nothing much we can do there. I don't really want to visit with an infant son so we will probably stay put for a bit. In addition we have to board our dog.
We will probably do Skype and phone calls as there is no alternative until spring time when out son is older. We may fly that can be a solution for us before then
I do hope you all are able to work this out.
The person I feel the saddest for in this situation is not your infant son. Or you. It's your mother.
It sounds like Dad never liked to travel. You're not going to change him now that he's mid-70s and his health is worse. But mom made double the trips to see you as you did to see her the last few years. She obviously doesn't mind traveling, and wants to spend time with you, your wife, and your son. I'm only speculating, of course, but I bet she's more unhappy about this situation than you are.
Don't prolong this misery out of spite. Your misery and her misery. She's in her mid-70s. She's in poor health. She might not have many more years to spend with you, and to get to know her grandson.
Unless your son has a fragile health issue, there is no reason you cannot drive or fly from Chicago to Cleveland. You said yourself "it's only Chicago to Cleveland!" Why do you have to wait until Spring??
Straight talk here, OP: my husband and I have 4 kids. We've traveled with them all from a young age (their ages currently span preschool to middle school) They've been fine. Absolutely fine. What do you think is going to happen to your baby on a 7 hour drive? (Is it really even that long? It's less than 400 miles, right?) Or, for that matter, a short, 1.5 hour flight? Seriously. What is so concerning that you can't visit your mother over the holidays?
Go visit your parents. Unless there's something you're not telling us, you have no reason not to.
Planes and cars travel both ways. 4 mo is super young. I agree with a lot of posters that you are way overreacting. Your child can still have a relationship with the grandparents, even if they don't visit monthly. My mom can keep her house clean, but she can't fly by plane because of a blood issue, and traveling by car and staying over involves a lot of extra equipment. She doesn't travel anymore, but I consider it my job to travel and see her. It's not like she moved away from me- I moved away from her. Because of our limited income, we don't get to travel much. But we keep in touch in other ways. My kids have never doubted her love for them, although they don't get to spend much time together. Your family made it out to see your little one already once- that's impressive.
Unlike many, I can see exactly where the OP is coming from because we experienced it ourselves. Our children's grandmother wanted to come visit often, but grandfather, not so much. Few phone calls too. It wasn't an issue of travel or money, he found time for cruises, trips to Europe, etc. Just not the grandkids. Now that they are grown or nearly so, the relationship is strained. When they were growing up they so desperately wanted to look up and have grandmamma and granddaddy cheering for them at the ball game like their friends on the team. Nope. Now he wants them to come visit him and they don't want to go (when they were little we could force them).
That's the real message the grandparents need to understand -- the habits and patterns they start laying down now, even for an infant, will be the same patterns they have to live with later when that infant is an adult. And that's just sad for everyone.
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I don't recall either set of grandparents ever visiting us. We always went to visit them. My dad used to visit but only because he and dh were golfing buddies. He'd see the kids before/after rounds of golf. Other than that we visiting him. Dh's parents came to our house once and that was just to see our new house. Other than that we took the kids to visit them. I think travel is harder on older people.
