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My daughter has two sweet daughters. B is the joy of my life. She is 2 1/2 and we do such fun things together. H is six months old. A about two months ago I came back from a trip and had bought something I knew B would just love. When I gave it to her my daughter says to H, "well looks like you are left out again!" I was so shocked she said that. Now I'm sorry but the four month old (at the time) has no clue Grandma got something for her older sister. So now I make sure I am getting something for both of them.
Do any of you have this issue?????????
Oh, that is ridiculous! Any gift you give an infant most likely won't hold their interest for longer than 10 seconds, if even that. I'd be tempted to give the baby a diaper next time, but that wouldn't do any good, I'm sure.
I would like to add a different aspect. I would talk with your daughter about the situation and tell her how you feel. Make Daddy or Grandpa having a kids day (or afternoon), and take her out for coffee.
A lot of times, the first pregnancy/birth/child is a HUGE deal and everyone fawns over the mother and the baby. However, when the second child comes along, it is as if no one really cares anymore. Also, it is more fun to buy/play with an older child, while the younger child may really not even need anything because of all the things leftover from the first child.
All this is true for myself. A lot of it is circumstantial, but it still hurts a little part of me. Son A was born, and my parents got up really early and drove four hours to see us, brought flowers, made us food the whole time they were there. We got a zillion cards and my workplace really went all out with presents and flowers. During the entire pregancy, everyone was very curious and hopeful for us.
Fastfoward to Son B, and people back home even forgot I was pregnant. Like I said, the circumstances had changed--we were 1,400 miles away from home. Yet, even though my son had an extremely bad case of jaundice and was in the hospital for longer than normal, we received no cards and no flowers. To this day, my sister has yet to buy even the smallest present for Son B (he is two next week).
Now, do I understand the differences? Yes, although I will maintain that it would have been nice for either set of parents to send flowers, balloons, or a card to welcome him into the world (they all managed to mail birthday presents for Son A the following week). But we were far away from everyone and living temporarily in the state we were in. My sister never has much money, so I also understand that aspect. But does it hurt? Yes it does. It sometimes feels as though Son A, as well as our nieces, is regarded higher in our family than Son B.
I know those little feelings I get aren't the reality of it, BUT, we are talking mothering hormones here. It is hard to fight those back sometimes.
SOoooo....have an easy-going conversation with your daughter to clear the air. It will save a lot of heartache all around.
After posting this I chatted with her when she dropped the kids off. I told her that H is too young to know I didn't bring anything but that I will be aware and sensitive in the future. It's hard when B was the first grand child on both sides so we have all made a pretty big deal of it. I told her it is just natural to want to do thing with the older one since she is old enough to take places and have her really enjoy it. I promised her that as the younger one gets older that I will make sure I spend special days with her also. You just can't be perfectly equal but I do love both of my angels and want to be a major focus of their lives. I think my daughter was just worried somehow that the second one would be left out.
Thanks for the input and crazyme I think you hit the nail on the head....thanks everyone.
No there is nothing nice about it. I will agree with the poster that had the other perspective.
My sister has 2 children and one on the way, I have only one child. The oldest nephew is terribly spoiled since he was the first born, he gets everything he wants from my mother and father, my sister was very young when she had him so my parents did alot of the raising, my son is the middle child so to speak and much to my surprise my parents fawned over him much as they did the first.
When my sisters second was born? They did the same thing (My mother is very close to the second one because he is needy for affection) and they are the same with him as the other 2.
The third is on the way, my sister was concerned as to how this would one would fit in the mix but much to our surprise grandma and papa are elated because we will be welcoming the first girl into the clan! That little girl already has so much things it is ridiculous, my parents just finished ordering her crib! Just as they did with all of them.
My mother stated she grew up in a home where gifts were given to some but not all and she wanted to make sure that this did not happen to any of her children or grandchildren.
Sorry this is my experience.
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