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I just got a voice mail message from my youngest daughter's grandmother (her son and I had a nasty divorce 3 years ago) telling me she was ordering an American Girl doll for my daughter and wanted to know if she was ordering the right one.
Now the problem here is 1) my daughter already has TWO American girl dolls, one those was bought by this same grandmother about two years ago, and I see no reason for her to have a third. I didn't see the need for her to have a second one really 2) she did not ask if this was ok, or an appropriate gift, etc - she just said she was ordering it. She has never consulted me about what my daughter might need/want for Christmas 3) I have a really hard time justifying a third $50-$60 doll when my daughter's coat barely fits, she's going to need new glasses in a few months and has been wearing the same tennis shoes since August. I am a struggling single mom and would appreciate my daughter getting gifts that make sense, not something extravagant that she already has anyway.
Am I being unrealistic? Grandparents - do you discuss gifts with parents or just buy whatever you want? Parents - do you expect grandparents to discuss gift giving with you, especially if it is a "big ticket" item? And yes, I consider $50 for a doll a big ticket.
While its always nice to be asked, I think its a gift and you need to accept it and vent your frustrations about it privately.
Go after Dad for help with coat and glasses. If it were Dad who was buying extravagant gifts when there were real needs that were not being met, my answer would be different. But its Grandma.
I know what it is like to have stuff piling up that the kids don't even really like but gifts are gifts.
It can be frustrating but IMO I'd let Grandma get her what she wants to get her.
Perhaps when you return her call you could drop a hint about shoes or a coat - "dd saw this cute winter coat she really likes and she is outgrowing her old one and I'm really short on cash - I know she would love to get that coat". This depends on the relationship you have with gm whether this would work.
Personally, I think three American Girl Dolls is overkill, but...
it's normal for grandparents to indulge their grandchildren, and perhaps your daughter mentioned to her grandmother that she wanted a new doll. A love of dolls might be something they share. I don't think it's necessary to rain on their parade, if you will. My parents and in-laws usually ask us for gift ideas, so I keep a list of toys and games in which my kids have expressed interest. A few years ago, one was an AG Doll. My daughter and MIL spent hours poring over the catalog together. My daughter still treasures the doll she received that Christmas and the time she spent with her grandmother picking it out.
My gift to my kids on Christmas every year is a pair of flannel pajamas, and my husband buys them a special book or two. I know it doesn't sound very exciting, but my kids think it's terrific. If your daughter needs a new coat and tennis shoes, then why don't you buy them for her for Christmas? Like our family's PJ's, perhaps a new coat can become your special holiday tradition.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 12-14-2009 at 10:24 AM..
Reason: typo
I'm afraid you missed your opportunity to suggest other. more useful items for Christmas instead of the doll.
When she called to inform you, you should have pointed it out then. Alas, there is always next year.
Grandparents don't always ask first, that's for sure, and some don't even call to inform you of what they are purchasing. Sounds like this grandma is halfway there, so maybe next year?
I'd hit Dad up for the more necessary items, or other grandparents if possible.
I would say something about your dd wanting a new coat an you not being able to afford it. The worst that can happen is that she doesn't buy it. It sounds like she loves her granddaughter and wants to make her happy.
3) I have a really hard time justifying a third $50-$60 doll when my daughter's coat barely fits, she's going to need new glasses in a few months and has been wearing the same tennis shoes since August. I am a struggling single mom and would appreciate my daughter getting gifts that make sense, not something extravagant that she already has anyway.
The thing is, it's not your money that is being spent - it's grandma's. Yes, your daughter has stuff she needs.. but grandparents and other relatives usually buy things that the kid looks forward to, such as toys. I hope you are getting child support for your daughter because really, things as basic as clothing and eyeglasses should be taken care of through that.
Incidentally, is 3-4 months a long lifespan on shoes?
I just got a voice mail message from my youngest daughter's grandmother (her son and I had a nasty divorce 3 years ago) telling me she was ordering an American Girl doll for my daughter and wanted to know if she was ordering the right one.
Now the problem here is 1) my daughter already has TWO American girl dolls, one those was bought by this same grandmother about two years ago, and I see no reason for her to have a third. I didn't see the need for her to have a second one really 2) she did not ask if this was ok, or an appropriate gift, etc - she just said she was ordering it. She has never consulted me about what my daughter might need/want for Christmas 3) I have a really hard time justifying a third $50-$60 doll when my daughter's coat barely fits, she's going to need new glasses in a few months and has been wearing the same tennis shoes since August. I am a struggling single mom and would appreciate my daughter getting gifts that make sense, not something extravagant that she already has anyway.
Am I being unrealistic? Grandparents - do you discuss gifts with parents or just buy whatever you want? Parents - do you expect grandparents to discuss gift giving with you, especially if it is a "big ticket" item? And yes, I consider $50 for a doll a big ticket.
Well I think it depends on what your DD wants. Does she want another AG doll? If she does then I see no reason for you to suggest to her Grandmother a different gift for her. It may seem extravagant to you, but it is pretty harsh for you to dictate that she only receives presents that she needs.
Incidentally, is 3-4 months a long lifespan on shoes?
I suppose it depends on the kid. My daughter needs only two pairs of athletic shoes for an entire school year, but my son seems to eat shoes for breakfast!
While its always nice to be asked, I think its a gift and you need to accept it and vent your frustrations about it privately.
Go after Dad for help with coat and glasses. If it were Dad who was buying extravagant gifts when there were real needs that were not being met, my answer would be different. But its Grandma.
I know what it is like to have stuff piling up that the kids don't even really like but gifts are gifts.
It can be frustrating but IMO I'd let Grandma get her what she wants to get her.
Perhaps when you return her call you could drop a hint about shoes or a coat - "dd saw this cute winter coat she really likes and she is outgrowing her old one and I'm really short on cash - I know she would love to get that coat". This depends on the relationship you have with gm whether this would work.
If your child needs a coat and boots/shoes, you should be contacting some of the charities in your area- I don't think there are many areas that don't have some kind of "Coats for Kids" campaign during the winter months (Salvation Army, Goodwill, etc..)- ask you daughter's guidance counselor at to which agency might be able to help and give them a call. The Lions Club usually helps people with getting glasses as well.
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