What would you do if this happened to you? (parents, kids, old)

[magoomafoo]

As I have said, the kids are on their own in their own place. The girlfriend and I have been working on our relationship and things seem to be going good in that area. As far as her parents go, they are still bad mouthing us trying to have control constantly telling my son that we should not be allowed to come over to see her but my son has been putting his foot down. They are enjoying their new independence and freedom to raise their baby as parents. They both work hard and are fantastic parents. Her parents can say all they want, but we are enjoying a new life with our grandaughter and go see her as much as we can. She is so precious and gorgeous and we cannot imagine life without her. How can any human being try and keep a loving family away from a baby? The only one who will ever lose is the baby.

[magoomafoo]

Originally Posted by Sundance

According to the OP, the girl involved is a MINOR.



How long has your son been having sexual relations with a MINOR? Sex under the age of 16 is considered statutory rape in many states. He could be arrested and charged with a sex crime.

No wonder you do not want the pesky subject of morality brought into the discussion....

Why should morality be an issue at this point? What's done is done. Living in the past only creates problems for the future

[magoomafoo]

Originally Posted by Poltracker

The problem is that it appears your son has not established paternity of this child. This is a major detriment to your case to seek grandparents rights. Since your son and this girl were not married, he is a legal stranger to this child. He is not legally the father. Until your son is established as the legal father of this child, YOU are not legally a grandparent and have no rights. Your attorney should have explained this to you. There may be some hope if your son signed an AOP at the birth of the child, but I would not count on it. Step 1 is getting your son to take on his responsibility for the child by filing for paternity and being declared the father by the court. He may not like this because he will have to step up and support the child and there is a possibility of a statutory rape charge depending on the age of consent laws in your state. Morality aside, this is why getting married before having children is a good idea. A man is considered the legal father to a child if he is married to the mother when the child is born (whether or not the child is biologically his) unless paternity is disestablished within a specific amount of time (usually about 2 years but it varies).

It sounds like the girl in this case is still a minor. As such, her parents still have control over her (not the grandchild) and if they tell her to come home, she needs to be home. The girl's mother has the absolute right and responsibility to look after her daughter and see that she does not get into any more trouble. So it is not a matter of "clinging" to the maternal family.

I wish you good luck, but you really need to be dealing with your son and not this girl or her parents.

You need to seriously stop commenting because you obviously have no idea what you are talking about. You keep insisting that this was statutory rape-not in our state. You keep insisting that my son has no rights, not in our state. You keep insisting that because the gf is under 18, she is still a minor, not in our state. Being unmarried does not make a father "legally" a stranger! You obviously have no idea what you are talking about and know nothing about governing laws pertaining to individual state statutes. Before you dole out your legal advice, please at least learn a little bit about the law! A little tidbit for ya! The gf step-father is the only one in this mess who is not a legal grandparent. He is not legally nor biologically related to the baby. My husband and I however, are biologically related and therefore, by our state statutes, are legally related as are great grandparents. Did you not read my other posts? My husband and I have been granted BY THE COURT, contact with our grandaughter and yet you post that we will probably not have a case? So you see, paternity has been established obviously or the court would not have granted us contact. If you consistantly are in the wrong, you might consider not posting as you obviously do not know different state statutes.

[brokensky]

I think with the kids on their own now, you have a chance of things de-escalating. This is just an idea - I surely don't have the answers but it sounds like you are open to suggestions for how to de-escalate things with the girl's parents, right?

I think the girl's parents feel like they have the "right" to be in control and it also appears they are very angry at you and your husband. I guess they think since your son is not married to their daughter, that means they are at war with you. Now, I could be wrong - but I am thinking they feel that by putting you all down - they are taking the weight of responsibility off their shoulders in the public eye - by saying- well look what kind of people they are - no wonder their son got our daughter pregnant. I am thinking that is at the root of all their outrageous drama.

Don't know if that applies . . . but I am thinking they are on a smear campaign.

Regardless, this kind of crazy stuff can't go on if you back off (for a little while). When I say back off - just don't have the baby by yourselves for the next few weeks. Only visit when your son and the baby's mother are there. And don't question the girl about "why" her parents are saying and doing the things they are engaging in. This will alleviate the girl from having to do two things - defend her parents and also - repeat to them anything you may ask (and it may get twisted if she does repeat even small questions).

I hope things will settle down. You are obviously very distressed about how this is going.

[magoomafoo]

We only see the baby at the kid's place. We have never been able to have the baby at our house nor have we brought the subject up as we feel this would cause conflict all over again. We know better than to ever discuss the girlfriends family with her, that would be disasterous. We never put her in the position to defend her family, it's just not an option. We are hoping that the situation will cool down and that we will in the near future have the chance to spend some alone time with our grandaughter. We could always exercise our granted contact order with the baby but feel that would just cause bad feelings too. We might have to resort to that but definately not right now. We are content just to be able to see her and love her.

[Sundance]

Why should morality be an issue at this point?

Why should morality be an issue? Well, because we learn from our mistakes, for one thing. For another, it's difficult to live a good life without any moral compass. "Do unto others," and all that sort of thing.

You stated that this girl was only 16 years old when she got pregnant. A 16-year-old girl is still basically a child. Going through puberty, yes, but still a child, and your son was legally an adult.

What he did was wrong, and he could be prosecuted for it in some states. Perhaps the "other" grandparents are so angry because they perceived that he preyed upon their young daughter sexually.......

[mcatp]

Don't most states have the legal age of consent set at 16? So even though she is a minor she can consent to sex.

[Balvenie]

So they are living together now? Let's see how long that lasts. I give it about six months before she goes back to mommy and daddy and claims your son is abusive. It is NOT always the best thing for two parents, especially teens, to marry or cohabit just because of a baby. In fact I'd say it's a very BAD reason. Good luck, you will need it when she has your son arrested on charges of domestic violence. Start saving for that attorney now.

[Poltracker]

Originally Posted by magoomafoo

You need to seriously stop commenting because you obviously have no idea what you are talking about. You keep insisting that this was statutory rape-not in our state. You keep insisting that my son has no rights, not in our state. You keep insisting that because the gf is under 18, she is still a minor, not in our state. Being unmarried does not make a father "legally" a stranger! You obviously have no idea what you are talking about and know nothing about governing laws pertaining to individual state statutes. Before you dole out your legal advice, please at least learn a little bit about the law! A little tidbit for ya! The gf step-father is the only one in this mess who is not a legal grandparent. He is not legally nor biologically related to the baby. My husband and I however, are biologically related and therefore, by our state statutes, are legally related as are great grandparents. Did you not read my other posts? My husband and I have been granted BY THE COURT, contact with our grandaughter and yet you post that we will probably not have a case? So you see, paternity has been established obviously or the court would not have granted us contact. If you consistantly are in the wrong, you might consider not posting as you obviously do not know different state statutes.

I apologize as I did not see the posts where your son signed an AOP and the court had granted you the right to see the child. As for the girl, unfortunately, she is still a minor. Having a child does not negate that fact. See the law quoted below for what qualifies an emancipated minor. Good luck and I hope things calm down.

Quoting Montana Code Section 41-1-501. Limited emancipation.

(1) The court may, upon the request of a youth who is 16 years of age or older, the youth's parent, or the department of public health and human services, enter an order granting limited emancipation to the youth.

(2) Limited emancipation may be granted only if the court has found:

(a) that limited emancipation is in the youth's best interests;

(b) that the youth desires limited emancipation;

(c) that there exists no public interest compelling denial of limited emancipation;

(d) that the youth has, or will reasonably obtain, money sufficient to pay for financial obligations incurred as a result of limited emancipation;

(e) that the youth, as shown by prior conduct and preparation, understands and may be expected to responsibly exercise those rights and responsibilities incurred as a result of limited emancipation;

(f) that the youth has graduated or will continue to diligently pursue graduation from high school, unless circumstances clearly compel deferral of education; and

(g) that, if it is considered necessary by the court, the youth will undergo periodic counseling with an appropriate advisor.

(3) An order of limited emancipation must specifically set forth the rights and responsibilities that are being conferred upon the youth. These may include but are not limited to one or more of the following:

(a) the right to live independently of in-house supervision;

(b) the right to live in housing of the youth's choice;

(c) the right to directly receive and expend money to which the youth is entitled and to conduct the youth's own financial affairs;

(d) the right to enter into contractual agreements and incur debts;

(e) the right to obtain access to medical treatment and records upon the youth's own authorization; and

(f) the right to obtain a license to operate equipment or perform a service.

(4) An order of limited emancipation must include a provision requiring that the youth make periodic reports to the court upon terms prescribed by the court.

(5) The court, on its own motion or on the motion of the county attorney or any parties to the dispositional hearing, may modify or revoke the order upon a showing that:

(a) the youth has committed a material violation of the law;

(b) the youth has violated a condition of the limited emancipation order; or

(c) the best interests of the youth are no longer served by limited emancipation.

[housingnightmare]

Magoomafoo, I feel for you.

My husband (bf at the time- lets call him John) owned a house together, had been together for 5 years, I was 21 he was 24. When we first told his mom we were having a baby she flipped out. She questioned him infront of me about what he was going to do about it and said not to marry me. Then she started buying stuff for the baby and for my 'john' and would make sure to let me know those were only for 'John' to use with the baby. She was weird.
After our daughter was born Grandma was a good Grandma, she was able to see my dd anytime she wanted. At about 9 months old she started feeding her things that I specifically said she couldnt have b/c it made my dd sick (she was lactose intollerant). I confronted her about it and made it clear that wasn't acceptable. She didn't talk to "John" or I for over a month, but when she finally did start talking to us again she has been very nice ever since. We even call each other to chat and hang out. I guess what I'm saying is I know its rough right now- or you're not allowed to do all of the things you would like to do with your grandchild right now but hopefully you will be able to in the future.

I do have a couple things you may want to try. Invite your son, g/f and baby over for dinner. Or offer to babysit so they can have date night. Try to do bonding things with the gf. She will eventually learn your intentions are good and that you love her daughter.

As for her parents. I would call them and ask to have a meeting, or a dinner. Possibly ask your sons to go to a friends house that day. Talk to them, find out what the real problem is. Let them know what their daughter is doing to alienate your sons at school. At this point its not just about you guys wanting to see your grandchild. It's also about your two sons getting made fun of, or teased at school by their daughter. I would just let them know that you fully support your older son & their daughter and only want to help them to be able to raise a bright, beautiful little girl and that if you guys can put your difference aside that alone would help them tremendously.

I wish you and them the best, let us know how things pan out.