U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Great Debates
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-08-2010, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Coffee Bean
659 posts, read 1,549,244 times
Reputation: 818

Advertisements

OK - I know this topic is going to fan some flamers, but I think it's extremely relevant given the recent media highlight (and very sad/unfortuante results) of bullying.

There are several other threads that touch on the topic of bullying in some way or another, but my question is - Bullying - is it just a fact of life?

In other words, sure, it would be wonderful if we could live in a peaceful world of no bullying, no violence, no suicide, no bombs, make love not war, etc., but is bullying just intrinsic to human nature? Do humans (whether we want to admit it or not) have a sort of "pack mentality" with a very complicated hierarchy and pecking order, which ultimately means someone is selected (by the "pack") to be at the bottom of the social food chain, and is therefore bullied and harassed until they become the universal pariah?

Please don't misunderstand my question - I am not debating the wrongness or rightness of bullying, or ignoring its immense emotional and societal impact. I'm simply wanting to hear some intellectual/philosophical (hopefully friendly/polite) debate about whether or not this particular behavior is programmed into our DNA.

There has been so much recent press about how to stop bullying - it seems reasonable to me to analyze it's root cause.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-08-2010, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Austin
12,045 posts, read 6,880,976 times
Reputation: 13310
Bullying does seem to be innate in humans as all cultures in history have done it. People may be inherently cruel, but bullying may also have a societal function. Shaming/bullying nonconforming members of a group may result in them conforming to the approved societal standards to smooth out discord in the society. Those members who don't fit the society norms are shunned, or bullied, until they fit in and don't rock the boat.

As a really FU example, I read an article called " Too young? Pre-teen girls get leg, bikini waxes" on MSN a couple of years ago about how young girls are being bullied by other girls for having too much body hair. The girl's mothers are allowing daughters to be waxed as young as 8 years old. This blew my mind but shows how powerful bullying inspires others to conform to the "norm" even if the norm is FU.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2010, 11:46 AM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,688,108 times
Reputation: 18036
it always been a fcotr but now days its grown IMO. Just look at the reality shows;they are all about dominating and getting it over on the other guy thru just this.The prison system has always been about itas ru by inmate socirty.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2010, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,653 posts, read 4,210,990 times
Reputation: 2320
Bullying is like prostitution. Will always be around.

Best thing is to teach your kids karate. Bullys understand one thing...intimidation. I'm talking boy and girl.

I put my stepson into Karate, so he could kick the crap out of a kid. It worked. Make an example out of one kid and the rest will leave you alone.

You follow a bully home, a bully will answer the door. Their crazy mom or dad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2010, 03:52 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston
37,726 posts, read 55,391,166 times
Reputation: 89159
I agree... there always was some form of bullying, but in my opinion today's kids cannot handle it the way they could handle it 20-30 years ago.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2010, 07:54 PM
 
387 posts, read 468,454 times
Reputation: 148
Humans are spiteful and sadistic by nature. We should just get over it and let people defend themselves if they think they are being picked on or bullied. I'm sick of hearing stories of schools or management intervening only to punish someone with one of their no tolerance rules. If they do ever intervene it should be for mediation. The goal is to bring people together and create peace. I'm sick of people dividing up people. I'm sick of people getting records because they couldn't take any more bullying. Mediation is the key. But nobody is skilled enough to do it
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2010, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
9,762 posts, read 13,307,777 times
Reputation: 11300
I was bullied somewhat when I was a kid because I was really tall for my age, and yet, I was shy and quiet. It gave the sort of kids who like to bully a rise to be able to beat up a kid who was bigger than them.

I'd been raised in a mega-Christian, turn-the-other-cheek household, where up to that point I'd been taught that it was better to just firmly tell the bully that he was being mean and should stop, so that he'd see the error of his ways. After awhile, they switched gears, put me in karate, and told me to pound anyone who gave me lip. And I did.

I moved around a lot as a kid, so usually, when I first got to my new school, the "bad kids" would zero in on "the new kid" to size me up. I'd knock the hell out of them, and then everyone in the school respected me: they knew I'd jack up anyone who messed with me (or someone who I liked, for that matter), but if you were just cool to me, I'd be the nicest, most friendly dude in the building.

Because of this, I racketed up suspensions and threats of lawsuits, expulsions, etc. until I petitioned the school board for an early graduation at 16. The sad thing was that I never, ever started a fight: not once. It wasn't even a situation where I'd let them throw the first swing: I'd let them shove or throw three or four swings before I finally clocked them. And I was pretty much always the one who took the brunt of the punishment, even when everyone knew that the kid I'd served was the one who started it.

Because I came from a (poor, but) loving home; was intelligent and got into honors and AP classes; was white (yes, I'll go there) and moved around enough that we didn't have any pull with the school board or PTA, it was always one of those deals where they would defend the aggressor as, basically, a dumb kid with no future from a bad home who doesn't know any better, like that was supposed to make the situation better. By the time I was in high school, I was jaded, frustrated, fatalistic, and generally not an overwhelmingly outgoing person; I clicked into a "fall guy" mentality where I was basically waiting for the next big, steaming pile of blame to get dumped on me.

All this said, I feel like the recent "bullying awareness movement" or whatever you want to call it is a bit much; a bit silly to an extent or another, even. Kids have always and will always bully one another, and there's always going to be some d-bag parent who is proud of the way their d-bag kid(s) strut around school giving the other kids a hard time. They're going to roll their eyes when they're alerted to their kids' actions and assume that the kid who is getting bullied is weird, a sissy, a crybaby, etc. and will do nothing to stop their kids. This is unavoidable.

Solution: teach your kid how to beat the stuffing out of anyone who messes with them.

It's not the most cuddly way of going about things, but it's the best way to keep your kid from being bullied.

With teens: don't let them get on Facebook when they're 12! What do you think is going to happen when you get an entire class of kids together, completely and totally away from school and the ability for the school administrators to put a stop to things? Gossip, gossip, gossip, completely unmitigated. Add to this the whole issue of puberty and "new feelings," sexual energy and aggression, and you've got a recipe for disaster right there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-09-2010, 01:15 AM
 
2,243 posts, read 3,560,236 times
Reputation: 2130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
Bullying is like prostitution. Will always be around.

Best thing is to teach your kids karate. Bullys understand one thing...intimidation. I'm talking boy and girl.

I put my stepson into Karate, so he could kick the crap out of a kid. It worked. Make an example out of one kid and the rest will leave you alone.

You follow a bully home, a bully will answer the door. Their crazy mom or dad.
What if the bully knows Karate, and since real life isn't like the movies, what do you do?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-09-2010, 01:45 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 4,453,805 times
Reputation: 1612
it's the PC society we live in that condemns bullying.

I'll say these things though:

- Human society is hierarchical
- Cruelty is part of human nature
- Nobody has to respect others
- Life is hard

Kids need to be taught this early on, such is the world.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-09-2010, 04:33 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,664,443 times
Reputation: 32297
The root causes of bullying are insecurity and lack of self-esteem. If I am comfortable in my own skin I won't have a need to put others down. The bully, by contrast, seeks to build himself up by dominating others. So as long as children are raised by sicko parents (an extremely common condition), we will have some children who are bullies. Children absorb what they see around them; if they are bullied by their own parents they will adopt this behavior automatically without giving it much conscious thought.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Great Debates
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:00 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top