Bullying - is it just a fact of life? (solution, high school, elect)
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OK - I know this topic is going to fan some flamers, but I think it's extremely relevant given the recent media highlight (and very sad/unfortuante results) of bullying.
There are several other threads that touch on the topic of bullying in some way or another, but my question is - Bullying - is it just a fact of life?
In other words, sure, it would be wonderful if we could live in a peaceful world of no bullying, no violence, no suicide, no bombs, make love not war, etc., but is bullying just intrinsic to human nature? Do humans (whether we want to admit it or not) have a sort of "pack mentality" with a very complicated hierarchy and pecking order, which ultimately means someone is selected (by the "pack") to be at the bottom of the social food chain, and is therefore bullied and harassed until they become the universal pariah?
Please don't misunderstand my question - I am not debating the wrongness or rightness of bullying, or ignoring its immense emotional and societal impact. I'm simply wanting to hear some intellectual/philosophical (hopefully friendly/polite) debate about whether or not this particular behavior is programmed into our DNA.
There has been so much recent press about how to stop bullying - it seems reasonable to me to analyze it's root cause.
Bullying does seem to be innate in humans as all cultures in history have done it. People may be inherently cruel, but bullying may also have a societal function. Shaming/bullying nonconforming members of a group may result in them conforming to the approved societal standards to smooth out discord in the society. Those members who don't fit the society norms are shunned, or bullied, until they fit in and don't rock the boat.
As a really FU example, I read an article called " Too young? Pre-teen girls get leg, bikini waxes" on MSN a couple of years ago about how young girls are being bullied by other girls for having too much body hair. The girl's mothers are allowing daughters to be waxed as young as 8 years old. This blew my mind but shows how powerful bullying inspires others to conform to the "norm" even if the norm is FU.
it always been a fcotr but now days its grown IMO. Just look at the reality shows;they are all about dominating and getting it over on the other guy thru just this.The prison system has always been about itas ru by inmate socirty.
Humans are spiteful and sadistic by nature. We should just get over it and let people defend themselves if they think they are being picked on or bullied. I'm sick of hearing stories of schools or management intervening only to punish someone with one of their no tolerance rules. If they do ever intervene it should be for mediation. The goal is to bring people together and create peace. I'm sick of people dividing up people. I'm sick of people getting records because they couldn't take any more bullying. Mediation is the key. But nobody is skilled enough to do it
I was bullied somewhat when I was a kid because I was really tall for my age, and yet, I was shy and quiet. It gave the sort of kids who like to bully a rise to be able to beat up a kid who was bigger than them.
I'd been raised in a mega-Christian, turn-the-other-cheek household, where up to that point I'd been taught that it was better to just firmly tell the bully that he was being mean and should stop, so that he'd see the error of his ways. After awhile, they switched gears, put me in karate, and told me to pound anyone who gave me lip. And I did.
I moved around a lot as a kid, so usually, when I first got to my new school, the "bad kids" would zero in on "the new kid" to size me up. I'd knock the hell out of them, and then everyone in the school respected me: they knew I'd jack up anyone who messed with me (or someone who I liked, for that matter), but if you were just cool to me, I'd be the nicest, most friendly dude in the building.
Because of this, I racketed up suspensions and threats of lawsuits, expulsions, etc. until I petitioned the school board for an early graduation at 16. The sad thing was that I never, ever started a fight: not once. It wasn't even a situation where I'd let them throw the first swing: I'd let them shove or throw three or four swings before I finally clocked them. And I was pretty much always the one who took the brunt of the punishment, even when everyone knew that the kid I'd served was the one who started it.
Because I came from a (poor, but) loving home; was intelligent and got into honors and AP classes; was white (yes, I'll go there) and moved around enough that we didn't have any pull with the school board or PTA, it was always one of those deals where they would defend the aggressor as, basically, a dumb kid with no future from a bad home who doesn't know any better, like that was supposed to make the situation better. By the time I was in high school, I was jaded, frustrated, fatalistic, and generally not an overwhelmingly outgoing person; I clicked into a "fall guy" mentality where I was basically waiting for the next big, steaming pile of blame to get dumped on me.
All this said, I feel like the recent "bullying awareness movement" or whatever you want to call it is a bit much; a bit silly to an extent or another, even. Kids have always and will always bully one another, and there's always going to be some d-bag parent who is proud of the way their d-bag kid(s) strut around school giving the other kids a hard time. They're going to roll their eyes when they're alerted to their kids' actions and assume that the kid who is getting bullied is weird, a sissy, a crybaby, etc. and will do nothing to stop their kids. This is unavoidable.
Solution: teach your kid how to beat the stuffing out of anyone who messes with them.
It's not the most cuddly way of going about things, but it's the best way to keep your kid from being bullied.
With teens: don't let them get on Facebook when they're 12! What do you think is going to happen when you get an entire class of kids together, completely and totally away from school and the ability for the school administrators to put a stop to things? Gossip, gossip, gossip, completely unmitigated. Add to this the whole issue of puberty and "new feelings," sexual energy and aggression, and you've got a recipe for disaster right there.
The root causes of bullying are insecurity and lack of self-esteem. If I am comfortable in my own skin I won't have a need to put others down. The bully, by contrast, seeks to build himself up by dominating others. So as long as children are raised by sicko parents (an extremely common condition), we will have some children who are bullies. Children absorb what they see around them; if they are bullied by their own parents they will adopt this behavior automatically without giving it much conscious thought.
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