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How is having kids selfish when you're giving over much of your life to the kid? If anyone is selfish, it's the one who doesn't want kids since it would interfere with their lifestyle. While it's true that some adults aren't good parent material, I feel some choose not to have kids either because they hate children or they're so self centered that they don't want all the distractions and time being a responsible parent requires.
And so I ask you,...Why does adults wanting to have children bother your little world? Do you hate kids? Are you some ultra-environmentalist who feels we need to reduce the world's population? Why does it bother YOU?!
I think the OP means all the media obsession with celebrity baby bumps, potential baby bumps and reality shows with large families. Many people who choose ot be child-free like kids. I do not htink opting o tbe child-free i sslefoish when i read accountof kids being left in hot cars and reading about multiple kids removed from horrid conditions or drug addict parents. Justin Harris from GA recently made headlines when he left his kid in a hot car obviously on purpose. Then there's Casey Anthony, Susan Smith, etc.I feel people have kids because it's societal norm and they never really think child-free is an option. Kids are not toys you can stash in a box. So no it's not selfish when you realize they are humans who need 24/7 care and opt out o it. What's more selfish A dead kid from neglect or opting out of parenthood so you can spend money on yourself? Selfish is something that involves another person. By not having kids, you harm no one.
Do we say that everyone eating food at a restaurant is selfish for ordering the meal they want?
It would only be selfish if the people choosing not to have children were doing something bad for society. That isn't the case. In the big picture, we have more than enough humans being born each year to keep the earth populated to a very reasonable level. To make our impact more sustainable, we should avoid rapid growth in our population.
Given that we are NOT in any danger of running out of population, how is it selfish for someone to opt out of being a parent? The idea that we can't have everyone do something is not a valid reason that no people can do it. We can't ALL order the salmon at a restaurant on the same night, they would run out. They plan for a diversity of choices. If we all had a minimum of two kids, parents that wanted 5 would need to be flogged because the total would be too high. By refusing to have children, those adults are allowing other adults to have more children when they want them.
The very concept that it is selfish should be met with slapping some sense into the senseless.
Not necessarily. If it's because one prefers to spend the money on luxuries for oneself, yeah. If it's because one doesn't feel they have enough money to provide well for children, it's not selfish, it's responsible. Or if one prefers to put money toward good works, or something of that sort.
Sorry, you're correct. I was referring to the former, however someone who chooses not to have children because they don't feel they can raise them is not being selfish. If they actually wanted children but know they couldn't raise them and chose to not have children despite wanting them, it would actually be altruistic instead of selfish.
What about this? Every living thing on earth goes back by direct decent to the primadoral ooze at the beginning if time. Every creature came directly from living ones before it. There might be something to continuing one's family line if there are no obvious genetic defects. The survival chain deserves to be honored. However, it is not necessary for every sibling to reproduce. Just one of the siblings will do to pass on the genes. The others get off scot free, their life is not poured into the time and money pit of reproduction. But they can borrow the kids, they can teach them what they know, enjoy them then give them back when their manners start wearing off. I highly recommend it.
I love how people without kids act like every kid in the world is a snot nosed screaming hellion.
My 4 year old is an angel. He doesn't act up in public. He has never thrown a tantrum in a restaurant or store.
#parenting
I do agree that people need to mind their own business. I hate when someone who JUST got married gets asked "so when are you having kids?"
Seriously, HATE that. Worst question to ask. Mind your damn business.
I read somewhere that the only people that ask when you are having kids are those that have kids....because they want you to join them in the misery. Moderator cut: language
IMO you should be married AT LEAST 3 years before even thinking about having kids. Enjoy being married. Get to know your spouse better without the demands of parenting. This is how a marriage lasts.
If I had a dollar for everyone I know married by 20 and kids by 22-22 and now divorced?? I'd have about $20.00.
If I had a dollar for every one that got married that young that I went to school with and are were still married today, 25 years later? I might have a dollar. Might. I can't think of one but I have to assume someone made it.
There is nothing inherently selfish or selfless about having or not having kids. It is just your preference; there are positives and negatives to both yourself and society, EITHER WAY. The remaining poor women in subsaharan African or India who are still have 10 kids each are pretty much the only ones still "overpopulating," and they don't have a lot of choice.
As for whether we are "obsessed," I'd say that we are a whole lot less obsessed than we used to be. Why don't you go Google average children per family in 1814, 1914 and 2014 and compare them?
I have trouble understanding people who question a biological imperative programmed into our genes.
People likely criticized because the reasons for not reproducing sounded stupid.
You just proved the OP's point right here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeo123
In your own post, you call them selfish, then just say it's ok for them to be selfish.
As for how do people afford kids, typically they give up things for themselves in order to provide for their children. People who choose not to have children strictly because they want the money for themselves, are selfish.
As you've pointed out, there's nothing wrong with being selfish, but you need to recognize that it is selfish to choose not to have children based entirely on the fact that you want more nice things for yourself.
Parents who choose not to buy christmas gifts so they can go on a cruise are being selfish. It's their money, so they are entitled to do whatever they want with it, but they are focused only on themselves.
Taking that a step further and choosing not to give life and raise children so you can go on a cruise meets the very definition of selfish.
That said, everyone is selfish to some extent. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If I guy points a gun at me and says he'll either kill me or a stranger next to me, but one of us is going die, given the choice, I'll pick the stranger next to me. In a rather indirect way, that same selfishness is behind the decision to have kids or not have kids, especially if you're on a tight budget.
Is it wrong? No. Is it selfish? Absolutely.
The OP never said it was selfish to not have kids, the OP said that is what OTHER people say. No, it is not selfish to not want to have kids to spend the money on yourself. It's called it's your own decision & it's also called being responsible. I cannot believe that someone would think it's selfish to not have kids because someone wants to use their money for travel, a house, household items, what have you. Do you know that many people have children to have someone to care for them when they get old? Now that is selfish. What would be selfish is to have kids & then ignore them, stick them in boarding school or daycare so you can go buy things, go on cruises, etc.
How is having kids selfish when you're giving over much of your life to the kid? If anyone is selfish, it's the one who doesn't want kids since it would interfere with their lifestyle. While it's true that some adults aren't good parent material, I feel some choose not to have kids either because they hate children or they're so self centered that they don't want all the distractions and time being a responsible parent requires.
And so I ask you,...Why does adults wanting to have children bother your little world? Do you hate kids? Are you some ultra-environmentalist who feels we need to reduce the world's population? Why does it bother YOU?!
Would you prefer people be forced to have kids regardless if they want them or not? I personally do not like children, have never in my life had an urge to have children. Can you explain how that is considered selfish? Why would I have a kid if I have no wish to do so?
I don't think that Americans (assuming we mean USA) are obsessed with having children...
That said after a recent trip to Italy I can say that between Florence and some small towns in Tuscany the middle aged and older women WERE obsessed with my 4 and 8 year old daughters.
The other side of the coin.
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