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I do not carry cash. If i have time, I will take them to lunch with me. Usually they are as appreciative of the companionship as they are of the food. They might be a bit crazy and smell bad, but they deserve to have companionship as much as anyone else and it can be a big deal to them. I cannot do it often either because of time constraints or lack of funds, but I find it as rewarding for me as it is for them. Some of them have really awesome stories. Made up or not, they still have a great story to tell. I beats sitting alone at a pizza parlor crushing candy on my phone for twenty minutes while I eat pizza alone.
I have what I think is a good story, too, and it does demonstrate the kind of spiritual rot you contribute to if you help an addict continue his use. I'm probably more sensitive to this than a lot of people because I made my living helping addicts recover and saw so much tragic deterioration of what used to be "good people" because of this malady.
I was at my favorite place to be in the summer - my little swimming hole. And it was just me and a "bum." He had his dog with him and told me he was living out of his pickup truck which he had permission to park in a nearby second-hand store. He needed money. Surprise.
Since it was just the two of us and a nice afternoon I took the time to listen to his tale of woe and when he was done I asked a few questions. I mentioned to him that his dog appeared to be going blind from cataracts and seemed to have fleas. He'd come so close to touching his inner core of desperation from our long talk that I thought perhaps I may be able to help him. He actually began to cry and just as I was ready to offer a drive to detox a group of guys about his age showed up with a cooler and in an instant I saw his addict come alive and his mood instantly brighten.
He went over and begged a couple of beers from them and after a few drinks they were all good friends. He'd found his company for the afternoon. Okay. No surprise to me.
But he suddenly developed a distaste for me and where I had been leading our conversation and in the most unpleasant terms began to badmouth me to the gang. I don't remember what he said. Something about watching out for that woman because she doesn't approve of a few drinks, etc. Your typical stuff.
Much to my surprise one of the kids spoke up and defended me saying that I had helped his father recover from alcoholism and knock it off. I didn't recognize him but he recognized me.
It was often a thankless job and the effort sometimes seemed useless. I hope for his sake and certainly for his poor dog's sake that the kid got the message. But I ended up the one who was gifted that day. How nice to have the table turned! Big smiles. You never know when kindness will jump up and make your day brighter. Sometimes the giver and sometimes the recipient.
I have what I think is a good story, too, and it does demonstrate the kind of spiritual rot you contribute to if you help an addict continue his use. I'm probably more sensitive to this than a lot of people because I made my living helping addicts recover and saw so much tragic deterioration of what used to be "good people" because of this malady.
I was at my favorite place to be in the summer - my little swimming hole. And it was just me and a "bum." He had his dog with him and told me he was living out of his pickup truck which he had permission to park in a nearby second-hand store. He needed money. Surprise.
Since it was just the two of us and a nice afternoon I took the time to listen to his tale of woe and when he was done I asked a few questions. I mentioned to him that his dog appeared to be going blind from cataracts and seemed to have fleas. He'd come so close to touching his inner core of desperation from our long talk that I thought perhaps I may be able to help him. He actually began to cry and just as I was ready to offer a drive to detox a group of guys about his age showed up with a cooler and in an instant I saw his addict come alive and his mood instantly brighten.
He went over and begged a couple of beers from them and after a few drinks they were all good friends. He'd found his company for the afternoon. Okay. No surprise to me.
But he suddenly developed a distaste for me and where I had been leading our conversation and in the most unpleasant terms began to badmouth me to the gang. I don't remember what he said. Something about watching out for that woman because she doesn't approve of a few drinks, etc. Your typical stuff.
Much to my surprise one of the kids spoke up and defended me saying that I had helped his father recover from alcoholism and knock it off. I didn't recognize him but he recognized me.
It was often a thankless job and the effort sometimes seemed useless. I hope for his sake and certainly for his poor dog's sake that the kid got the message. But I ended up the one who was gifted that day. How nice to have the table turned! Big smiles. You never know when kindness will jump up and make your day brighter. Sometimes the giver and sometimes the recipient.
So the kid who recognized you was out partying? When might you be counseling him? Best I got from this story is you were alone with a stranger .
I adore animals...how did this pauper manage to feed the dog?
i don't care, i don't judge, you truly can never know exactly what their circumstance is.....i'd rather just be across the board a compassionate human being. I ALWAYS GIVE. THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF ANY HIGHER POWER COULD GO I. And, truth be told, I could have been exactly in the same spot, on a street corner with a sign, hours on end save for the fact I was an only child and I inherited a house in Bergen county New JOisey worth hundreds of thousands..... i raised my children alone, no help from their alcoholic/drug addicted father, there never was a spare dime for me or for anything but putting food on the table, clothes on their back. I also paid for their educations. to this day i live simply and give generously to all manner of charities, I'd rather be a blessing than a hard hearted person. I wear my belief on my left hand, right on the knuckles, on the bone, are four spiral circles, each connected to the next...... those spiral circles could stand for Black, Asian, Caucasian, Indian or rocks, trees, mountains, rivers.... WHATEVER.... i am connected to everyone and everything on this planet and we were put here to help one another, keep our community, our country and mother earth safe, loved and honored. and please don't mock me because i believe what i believe
Last edited by ceiligrrl; 09-17-2018 at 02:15 PM..
90% of the time I ignore panhandlers, 8% of the time acknowledge them with a greeting or have a nice day, 2% of the time I give them a buck or two, but I need to stop. Sometimes for a minute I think I'm doing something good, as if I'm getting karma points.
Most of money does of course goes for alcohol and street drugs. In most areas where homeless number in the thousands, I don't think anyone is starving in the streets-there are numerous churches, government or charities where they could get a meal. There are a lot of alcoholics, junkies, tweakers, stoners, and crazies in their ranks, and to expect that cash handouts are going to be wisely spent is unrealistic.
Since I walk past a gauntlet of homeless most days to and from work, I have to ignore most of their pleas for a dollar or bus fare.
If I'm walking through a city and see homeless people all over, I generally ignore them. I feel sad for them, but I can't hand out money or talk to each of them. If they're selling bracelets or flowers or something, then I'll usually buy one if I have a couple dollars in cash. It's really heartbreaking, though... I don't think I could handle living in an urban area with a lot of homeless people on the street.
In my own town, though, I will tend to hand them a few bucks if they approach me and ask. One time, I gave a man $3 (what I had in my pocket) and he literally walked past the grocery store that we were in front of and went into the liquor store two doors down. I just shrugged. Once I handed it to him, it was his to do with as he pleased.
Once, an older gentleman said he was a veteran and showed me his ID. I have no idea if it was real; I don't have any service members in my close family, so I've never seen a military ID. I gave him $5 and he walked into the grocery store. Don't know what he bought.
And once I had just a few singles on me, which I gave to a guy with a dog. Usually, the homeless people I see with dogs do have water for them and sometimes will be giving them food. I think they tend to take care of their dogs as well as they can.
Fairly recently, I was at a church thing and a homeless man came in and asked for food. Our church keeps a pantry stocked for anyone who needs food, and one of the women went to make him a bag of various things. Gave him a full grocery bag. He sat down on the ground in front of the church and was crying and eating and sharing with his dog. I just felt so sad for him and wished I could have done something, but I didn't go outside. I still feel haunted by that... I know that there was likely absolutely nothing I could do that would help him anyway, but still. I feel like I could have gone out and at least talked to him.
I ignore them. I guess I'm jaded. There was a time when I was naïve and thought people were basically good and honest, but I don't believe that anymore. I think there are a lot of scammers. Now if it were a hungry child or animal, I would feed them. Other than that, no. My contribution to society will be through funding my granddaughter's college education.
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