Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm not talking about politics. And I'm not talking about making comments that are veiled insults.
I was amused by this question sent in as an etiquette issue. It has now become common to use various four-letter words that wouldn't have been said in public in our grandparents' day. But this person would like to also clamp down on minor swearing.
How delicate should anyone try to force us to be?
As a Christian, I find it hurtful when I hear the Lord’s name used as swear words. If I used sexist, racist, anti-Semitic or homophobic language as curse words, I might be garroted. So, it’s hard for me to understand why such swearing is acceptable when it comes to Christ. But the idea of confronting people about this makes me uneasy. Is there a better way to communicate my hurt?
How "prim" you might want to be probably depends on your audience. I have a couple of friends who don't care to hear their particular Lord's name taken in vain, another who doesn't enjoy bi-partisan sarcasm, yet another who doesn't find certain types of off-color jokes funny. Others are fair game. They've told me so and I try to respect it. Sometimes I've forgotten but have no problem apologizing. So, I refrain from cuss words while around one, avoid caustic political barbs the next, and stick to jokes the third will appreciate. If I really think they'll find the punch line of a questionable joke funny, I'll try to relay it more delicately. I don't personally know anyone who drops F-bombs every other sentence and I don't do it either. IMHO that's a sign of ignorance and mental laziness. It isn't a matter of being prim.
A considerate conversationalist tailors their remarks to the person they're with. It shows respect for the person. If you don't know the person well enough to guess, probably better to err on the conservative side. Courtesy is rarely the wrong choice. Context matters too. Even if I happen to know my mortgage loan officer well, I'm probably not going to start swearing like a sailor while sitting in their place of business.
How "prim" you might want to be probably depends on your audience. I have a couple of friends who don't care to hear their particular Lord's name taken in vain, another who doesn't enjoy bi-partisan sarcasm, yet another who doesn't find certain types of off-color jokes funny. Others are fair game. They've told me so and I try to respect it. Sometimes I've forgotten but have no problem apologizing. So, I refrain from cuss words while around one, avoid caustic political barbs the next, and stick to jokes the third will appreciate. If I really think they'll find the punch line of a questionable joke funny, I'll try to relay it more delicately. I don't personally know anyone who drops F-bombs every other sentence and I don't do it either. IMHO that's a sign of ignorance and mental laziness. It isn't a matter of being prim.
A considerate conversationalist tailors their remarks to the person they're with. It shows respect for the person. If you don't know the person well enough to guess, probably better to err on the conservative side. Courtesy is rarely the wrong choice. Context matters too. Even if I happen to know my mortgage loan officer well, I'm probably not going to start swearing like a sailor while sitting in their place of business.
I'm not sure "prim" is the right word here, but as you say, I think a person should be reasonably considerate of the other people around them, but they need to be reasonably considerate, as well. But a lot is going to depend on what a conversation is about. I happen to be atheist, and when religious people drag me into a conversation about religion, well...that was their choice. There's a difference between being reasonably considerate and catering to others. The former I'll do, the latter I usually won't.
I'm not sure "prim" is the right word here, but as you say, I think a person should be reasonably considerate of the other people around them, but they need to be reasonably considerate, as well. But a lot is going to depend on what a conversation is about. I happen to be atheist, and when religious people drag me into a conversation about religion, well...that was their choice. There's a difference between being reasonably considerate and catering to others. The former I'll do, the latter I usually won't.
Agree about the term "prim". Also agree about what the conversation is about, though I still think your audience and what you do or don't know about them should play a bigger part.
I'm not sure "prim" is the right word here, but as you say, I think a person should be reasonably considerate of the other people around them, but they need to be reasonably considerate, as well. But a lot is going to depend on what a conversation is about. I happen to be atheist, and when religious people drag me into a conversation about religion, well...that was their choice. There's a difference between being reasonably considerate and catering to others. The former I'll do, the latter I usually won't.
You participate in the religion forum because you want to, right? You say you get dragged in to religious conversation by religious people. This happens away from the forum too?
Not really calling you out...no one has to participate in that particular forum, all participate of their own free will, and if they get their feelings hurt...well, they can always back out and not participate. There's so much mudslinging there, it's almost as bad as the politics forum.
You participate in the religion forum because you want to, right? You say you get dragged in to religious conversation by religious people. This happens away from the forum too?
Not really calling you out...no one has to participate in that particular forum, all participate of their own free will, and if they get their feelings hurt...well, they can always back out and not participate. There's so much mudslinging there, it's almost as bad as the politics forum.
Going to the religion/spirituality forum is a choice for both parties.
Being accosted in public, or have evangelizers knock on your door is not by choice.
Common courtesy is not so common nowadays, but like many posters, I do try to tailor my speech to a more neutral form when meeting and first speaking to someone. Prim? That's not the case most of the time, but yes, people do cuss and take unnecessary liberties in speech, so acceptance is a two way street and many will meet you halfway..If the OP is "hurt" by other's speech, I'd strongly suggest a bit thicker skin may be in order..
If you don't know them well enough to know if they'll find it offensive, you don't know them well enough to use those sorts of words in front of them. How hard is it to NOT say certain words?
I find that those small minds who cannot speak without cursing reveal much about themselves. When they further find it necessary to swear in Christ or God's name, it offends me as much as it would offend them if I spoke about their father, mother or children in the same manner.
This is not about being 'prim,' overly religious or chastising others over something 'they cannot control.' For example, one rarely hears these same folks going out of their way to curse in Allah's name around muslims.
This type of speech has gotten so common today because many have chosen to be 'men pleasers,' instead of God pleasers. It can be easily controlled, as evidenced by their speech in formal settings or around their grandmother.
I find that those small minds who cannot speak without cursing reveal much about themselves. When they further find it necessary to swear in Christ or God's name, it offends me as much as it would offend them if I spoke about their father, mother or children in the same manner.
This is not about being 'prim,' overly religious or chastising others over something 'they cannot control.' For example, one rarely hears these same folks going out of their way to curse in Allah's name around muslims.
This type of speech has gotten so common today because many have chosen to be 'men pleasers,' instead of God pleasers. It can be easily controlled, as evidenced by their speech in formal settings or around their grandmother.
I agree. People who use bad language in their communication are either doing it on purpose to get a rise out of people, or it’s just a window into their corrupt soul as they are not intelligent enough to control their own actions.
That’s not someone who you should aspire to spend time with, or even let into your life.
We can all disagree on many topics, even politics and religion, but we need to do it with grace and tact.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
