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The drop we are seeing in house costs is because too many people were allowed to have loans when they shouldn't have been able to. That was the governments fault. IMO.
Secondly, I *love* that you say "when" your husband dies or leaves you, rather than if. Yes, there's always that possibility, but there's also the possibility that I could die too. I mean, while yes, you should have plans if that becomes the case, and I do, but I can't sit here and say, oh, I better go work 40 hours a week and put my kids in someone else's care just in case my husband dies or leaves me. Sure, it'd be hard, but we'd get through it.. we'd have no choice!
Sure, it may have been hard in your mom's time, but that's simply not the case for most SAHM's I know. In fact, most I know are in control of the budget.
I think all the reasons you are giving for women not being SAHM's are rather negative.. so I shouldn't be a SAHM because my husband will die or leave me, and be abusive so I won't be able to buy tampons.. What an outlook on life.
I agree with your assessment of the housing mkt, but dont understand how you can then blame duel income households for and increases in housing prices.
I say "when" because I was speaking of personal experiences. My first husband died when our children were little and my second husband abandoned the marriage shortly after we purchased a second property. If I had not had an education/work experience/a job in either situation things would have been much harder if not impossible to maintain any standard of living.
Im not saying women, or men for that matter, should not be stay at home parents. I am giving one view of the implications of being a woman in the workforce. In your experience the majority of SAHM control the checkbook, make joint decisions with their husbands that are loving and respectful. I would say there are as many SAHM that dont live this good life.
Necessity is the mother of invention. If being uneducated and unemployable and thus dependant on someone else for your entire well being was the berries then there would be more people doing it. It works great for some but many women find themselves in a bad situation due to divorce or death, find themselves stuck in abusive marriages or just are not satisfied being a homemaker and not having their own money or independence.
The number of men who abandoned their wives and families in 1900 was very, very small. The reason for that is because people, then and now, had moral compunctions about the consequences of their acts, and few fathers were willing to cast their families into the hopeless and degrading squalor that would result from abandonment.
The same man who would feel bound to stay with his family a century ago, would nowadays walk away shamelessly, knowing that his wife could take care of herself on her own. So, in fact, our society has re-designed itself in such a way that men can leave their families with a relatively clear conscience. Whether this is for better or for worse is not clear.
The implications of that, are countless women who are burned out or near burn out which puts marital relationships under a tremendous strain. It spawns independent women who no longer look up to thier husbands for being the Supporter and Provider of the family , and it gives many women the idea that they can do just fine on their own --- breeding a feminist outlook . Essentially, it leads to breakdown of the family and thus, society since families are the backbone of a society. The best way is for Men to be what they were designed to be and Women the way they are supposed to be , for a successful marriage. (what ive said above obviously doesnt pertain to the unmarried woman or single parent households) .
I agree with your assessment of the housing mkt, but dont understand how you can then blame duel income households for and increases in housing prices.
I say "when" because I was speaking of personal experiences. My first husband died when our children were little and my second husband abandoned the marriage shortly after we purchased a second property. If I had not had an education/work experience/a job in either situation things would have been much harder if not impossible to maintain any standard of living.
Im not saying women, or men for that matter, should not be stay at home parents. I am giving one view of the implications of being a woman in the workforce. In your experience the majority of SAHM control the checkbook, make joint decisions with their husbands that are loving and respectful. I would say there are as many SAHM that dont live this good life.
Necessity is the mother of invention. If being uneducated and unemployable and thus dependant on someone else for your entire well being was the berries then there would be more people doing it. It works great for some but many women find themselves in a bad situation due to divorce or death, find themselves stuck in abusive marriages or just are not satisfied being a homemaker and not having their own money or independence.
I'm sorry for your loss of your first husband.
Who's fault is that? Societies for telling women that being a stay at home parent isn't a job, isn't worthy of respect, etc and the mother, for not attempting to make it work. I can say there are days when I throw up my hands and say I'd rather work at McDonalds than stay at home.. but for the most part I try every single day to make it work. I've developed hobbies, started reading more, etc to make it not only a job but a time where I can hone skills and learn. I've taught myself many crafts, jewelry making, etc as well as graphic design so that I can be in the position that if I do need to get a job I will be able to. I also work VERY part time for a photographer as an assistant which again, helps me to overcome some of those issues. But saying "Oh I don't feel satisfied" then sending your kids to day care 8 hours a day 5 days a week doesn't cut it. It's a disservice.
Unless, of course, you absolutely have no other choice financially.
So men, what of the men that are burned out or near burned out and sick of the rat race that have to come home and hand over their paycheck to a bitchy, needy wife and screaming children?
Do they just have to suk it up? Does it lead to abuse, divorce, suicide, alcoholism or a breakdown of family and society. Does it spawn men that dislike the idea of a wife and family or think they can do just fine on their own.
What is the difference in men and women in this situation?
I believe that when a family unit works the way it's designed to work, that doesn't happen. When the wife is fulfilled in her home life she isn't a "needy, bitchy wife" she is a supportive wife of what her husband is doing - providing for the family, and that, in turn, increases the self esteem and self worth of the husband.
Thank you, but dont be. If either had been a decent husband and provider as yours seem to be, I wouldnt have spent the last 25 yrs. working my butt off. Apparently, I dont choose well.
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Who's fault is that? Societies for telling women that being a stay at home parent isn't a job, isn't worthy of respect, etc and the mother, for not attempting to make it work. I can say there are days when I throw up my hands and say I'd rather work at McDonalds than stay at home..
Actually, IMO now that so many mothers are in the workforce more people realize the importance of having a parent home raising the children.
I dont think you can put fault on society for anyones feeling of dissatisfaction. There are those that are completely happy in the traditional gender roles and those that arent. Most all of us will experience times where the grass looks greener on the other side, thats why each person and family should decide what is best for them and hopefully that is the path they can take. To me, not having the ability to make that choice is slavery.
There were a lot of flaws with the 1920's design of the family unit. A lot.
True and many arent seeing it. Life was not all peachy like it was depicted on Leave it to Beaver.
There is a flaw in believing the family unit was designed to work one particular way. The family needs to be and has been flexible to adapt to changing times.
True and many arent seeing it. Life was not all peachy like it was depicted on Leave it to Beaver.
There is a flaw in believing the family unit was designed to work one particular way. The family needs to be and has been flexible to adapt to changing times.
The flaw comes from when the parents aren't behaving in a way that they should.. The flaw isn't the design, it's the application.
If a husband beats his wife, obviously the family unit isn't going to work the way it's designed. If a wife is sleeping around, obviously the family unit isn't going to work the way it's designed. I think it's rather rare that everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing and the family unit fails.
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