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My Grandma raised my Mom and Uncle as a young Widow during the Depression. Hearing both Grandma and Mom talk about it, it was not easy and required a lot of hard work on the entire family. It can be done, even in very difficult economic times.
As far as a "father figure" for children, Grandma had 2 brothers (married with families of their own) who filled the father figure role for little sister's kids. Grandma was widowed at 34 years old and never remarried.
If a child is loved by a different member or adoptive parent who can treat a child as if he were one's own, intimate blood bond doesn't matter too much.
With love, the child of a single parent can be very content. Children, whether from a divorced home or not, need to grow up feeling as if they are worthy of someone’s love in the world. Children benefit from the presence of both men and women in their family life provided those men and women are emotionally healthy. Children may suffer more harm by living with conflict and unhealthy role models than by having one healthy, effective parent. If there is a great deal of conflict in a marriage or relationship, a change to a single-parent family could result in a reduction in tension, hostility and discord and an increase in family solidarity and consistency.
If a child is loved by a different member or adoptive parent who can treat a child as if he were one's own, intimate blood bond doesn't matter too much.
the topic is single parents, not adoptive parents or "blood bonds."
are you projecting or justifying your own situation?
Do you all think that it matters if the parent is their biological parent? For example, do you feel that the child will have different attachment bonds if they were raised by a different family member or adoptive parent as opposed to their birth parents?
" So yes, I think a single parent can be just as successful as a married couple raising kids.
Sure, it's possible to come out ok being raised by a single parent. But I think it's more constructive to ask "What are the odds?" The odds are against the kids raised in single parent homes.
Our present social priority is that at least one adult in every household must work. We would have a better society if we switched that, and placed a social priority on at least one adult in every household must be at home to oversee the development of the children.
It would be quixotic to think that we can significantly reduce the number of children being raised in single-parent households. That solution is unavailable to us, so the next best thing would be to raise our children in the presence of their parents, and making fairly simple adjustments in our macro-economic priorities.
Originally Posted by Cbarry123 Do you all think that it matters if the parent is their biological parent? For example, do you feel that the child will have different attachment bonds if they were raised by a different family member or adoptive parent as opposed to their birth parents?
of course because every person is different so you will have different feelings for them. i was raised partly by my grandmother and there was not a deep attachment. i was adopted but the situation and the fit was not right for me at all. i also raised a sister and there is no real understanding but she has a real bond with her mother. this shows it's all about chemistry and likeness. sometimes, it's your blood bond that is closest in likeness to you and sometimes it's those not of your family. it's just chance.
since biological kin has a greater chance of that being likely (but not always), that's why traditionally family was considered the most important, closest and loved. again, there are exceptions.
in my case, i found my 'soulmates' so to speak outside of blood relatives as well as adopted. but it's not as simple as just because you choose to adopt any child that is automatically the best match etc. still, you can choose to do right by any child since your main responsibility is being a good guardian and offer life guidance.
What is your opinion on the effect of a young child's developmental growth (0-6yrs) in a single-parent home as opposed to a two-parent home?
I think it can be absolutely marvelous. There can be, has been, and will be in the future a very high success rate for a child's developmental growth in a single parent home. Especially, 0-6 years old. This is providing that there is a sense of stability and any type of support system. It can be done with a minimal or non existent support system successfully but it is difficult.
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Do you all think that it matters if the parent is their biological parent? For example, do you feel that the child will have different attachment bonds if they were raised by a different family member or adoptive parent as opposed to their birth parents?
That depends. There is no what is true for one is true for all scenario. Especially, if you work with teens. Yes, there are going to be different attachment bonds in many cases.
Scenario 1. Biological mom has a baby and is a schizophrenic and self medicates with drugs drops off baby and takes off, has other children and some are taken away. Aunt adopts baby and they go on their merry way for 12 years. Mom shows up and says, I'm all better now and I have this new life. The kid wants to be with bio mom and leaves. Mom is not all better and the kid feels trapped.
Scenario 2. Biological mom has a baby and is abusive, custody goes to grandmother who is also abusive.
Scenario 3. Bio mom has a baby and custody goes to aunt or grandmother and biological mom takes off and checks into and out of everyones lives but aunt or grandmother are stable and the kid feels and calls either mom and considers them for all intensive purposes mom. Child may have abandonment issues but the situation is stable enough for them to deal with it.
Scenario 4. Child is adopted by unknown couple or by family members, child creates a version where if he/she could just show up then bio mom will be all better or they can be saved. These become runners.
Scenario 5. Child is adopted and in later years becomes "unmanageable" and they in turn try to get rid of the kid and put the kid into placement.
The point is that there is no one solution and the results vary.
I think it can be absolutely marvelous. There can be, has been, and will be in the future a very high success rate for a child's developmental growth in a single parent home. Especially, 0-6 years old. This is providing that there is a sense of stability and any type of support system. It can be done with a minimal or non existent support system successfully but it is difficult.
That depends. There is no what is true for one is true for all scenario. Especially, if you work with teens. Yes, there are going to be different attachment bonds in many cases.
Scenario 1. Biological mom has a baby and is a schizophrenic and self medicates with drugs drops off baby and takes off, has other children and some are taken away. Aunt adopts baby and they go on their merry way for 12 years. Mom shows up and says, I'm all better now and I have this new life. The kid wants to be with bio mom and leaves. Mom is not all better and the kid feels trapped.
Scenario 2. Biological mom has a baby and is abusive, custody goes to grandmother who is also abusive.
Scenario 3. Bio mom has a baby and custody goes to aunt or grandmother and biological mom takes off and checks into and out of everyones lives but aunt or grandmother are stable and the kid feels and calls either mom and considers them for all intensive purposes mom. Child may have abandonment issues but the situation is stable enough for them to deal with it.
Scenario 4. Child is adopted by unknown couple or by family members, child creates a version where if he/she could just show up then bio mom will be all better or they can be saved. These become runners.
Scenario 5. Child is adopted and in later years becomes "unmanageable" and they in turn try to get rid of the kid and put the kid into placement.
The point is that there is no one solution and the results vary.
heheh. the truth is often deeper than that. if you have a troubled child, more often there was a dysfunctional household. what is disgusting is there are many homes where it was severly abusive or dysfunctional but some people know how to keep it private. they play the societal game well. then later those grandparents look stable but only because they were so good at hiding everything and then try to look like good grandparents and no one is wiser.
the deception can go deep and it's not exactly how things appear to be on the surface.
Sure, it's possible to come out ok being raised by a single parent. But I think it's more constructive to ask "What are the odds?" The odds are against the kids raised in single parent homes.
I agree. The odds tend to be stacked. And the single parents I happen to know are older with established jobs and very engaged in their child's life. Different than the case of a lot of young single parents who might be struggling on different fronts -or older single parents who are simply incompetent.
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