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I am very glad you have decided not to close this thread. To have a support system is important right now. If you don't mind me saying so it has only been a short time that your beloved husband passed away and you are still trying to make sense of it and it is a process making a whole new life for yourself. It takes time to process that your DH is gone and it takes time to process all of the emotions and it takes time to adjust being the only one now to take responsibility for all things. What a huge adjustment on your part. People don't realize that care givers devote their time to their loved one, they don't get a break or time out or they don't get to have a social life, their sole responsibility is to care for their loved one, they take on a huge responsibility and they wear many hats. During this time you become isolated from the outside world, your only contact with people are the grocery clerks and doctors and nurses and caregivers. You are 24 hours worrying about your loved one, seldom do you think about yourself and to watch your loved one deteriorate day by day on all levels takes on a emotional, mental and physical hardship on one's self.
When your loved one dies you discover the roles you played are no longer needed. You are now all alone and sometimes we females devote our life to caring for others we forget about "ourselves". So it is a learning process to live our lives alone and to deal with all the responsibilities that are left to us. That other part of you is missing and for me I did not feel whole but torn apart.
I do have friends who are single and I have friends who are married but the friends who are married tend to hang out and do things as couples do and single people like me are left out and I understand that. I find to be honest with you I feel more comfortable being around single people for now.
The other day I was around the married women and one speaks up that she better get home she is going to be in trouble with her husband and the other two agreed they better get home for the same reason. I jumped up and down, I don't have that issue no more. It is the first time I felt happy to be single and I felt a peace within. I don't have to answer to no one and what a freedom I felt. If this same scenario happened just four months prior I would have been crying all of the way home missing my husband and the thought coming home to a empty house .
We are in constant changes and growth being widowed. We fight depression, frustration, sadness, grief, we are very emotional and cry easily. It is little baby steps we take to construct a new life for ourselves, each step a victory to be celebrated.
It is very important you have this support system with you. You will have doubts, questions, and days you feel like not getting out of bed and this is all normal. We are here to support you.
Hi cyn the thing about keeping your thread open is there is usually somebody here at all different times so you'll get more different types of support.
Thanks guys--I'm just really not ready to close this thread. I do look here everyday and I do get a lot from having you guys here! It's just not time yet!
Excellent post smilin'! You sure have come a long way. (((Hugs)))
cyn, you can not close the thread yourself actually. You would have to ask Sam or some other mod to lock it. The only way "to kill" a thread is by not posting in it and letting it fall back into the pages. Of course anyone could resurrect it too.
No need to abandon this thread. You have great people here who followed you and found some new ones too. It's okay to use this as a place to vent or just talk about everyday stuff. The rules here are a little different than the other forums. There is compassion and understanding here.
Oh thank you guys all so much. I do need you ----all of you. I am still in the early stages and try so hard to be tough and strong...but even when no one posts anything some days here I read back and it gives me strength---thank you all so much for all your love and strength!
Oh thank you guys all so much. I do need you ----all of you. I am still in the early stages and try so hard to be tough and strong...but even when no one posts anything some days here I read back and it gives me strength---thank you all so much for all your love and strength!
Cyn........I still stop by everyday. Somedays I don't post....you seem to be doing ok or you got excellent advice and/or support from others.....as I told you .....I don't think you should feel rushed to close this thread.....it is your thread and your supporters......and in many ways.....you are in need of support and friends. We are here....I know I speak for all of us.
I assure you that you will get to the place I am in but Cyn it takes time. You are a much stronger person than myself and I have so admired your strength through your journey. Tami will tell you how bad of shape I was in when I first appeared in this grief forum, I believe it was September of 2012 and several people worried about me here and I did not know if I would survive. I have attended two grief classes, receiving counseling once a week for the last four months. I tell my story to everyone I know and the more you tell your story the less impact it has on you. When my husband died I suffered from extreme PTSD. I have told my story enough times that now my PTSD is mild and four months ago my depression was moderate but I know that now my depression is mild. I hated living by myself but now I embrace it. Making my own decisions helps strengthen my confidence. Feeling lonely and desperate was part of the grief process and in time it faded away within the last few months. I feel a empowerment that I never felt before. My only advice is keep telling your story over and over again, tell us how you feel and we will comfort you. I did not get this far without allot of outside help I assure you. I was suicidal just six weeks ago after my cats died but I kept talking about it, surrounded myself with people who understood and gave to me hugs. I have a excellent Counselor that talked me through it. She is one amazing Counselor. My life would not be the same without her. I truly believe we all need to be loved unconditionally and without fault. I also have a new friend who I love more than life I feel at times. When we see one another we embrace. She always comforts me with saying positive things about me, telling me what a beautiful person I am. I have surrounded myself with beautiful and loving people and to feel emotion is something I am new at. For years I felt dead inside. I am learning to love myself and that is not easy at times. You continue to be a inspiration to me, Cyn. You are where you need to be at this time and we are here to support and love you. Like Elston mentioned that many of us stop by daily to see how you are doing. It is very vital during this stage you are in to continue posting your feelings. We will provide hugs and healing when times are difficult and help you celebrate the good times.
smilinpretty......such an excellent post and support....you are an angel....thank you for joining the thread and being such a consistent friend to cyn.
I can't thank you all enough....yesterday at my grief meeting they asked who I talk to about my situation--I laughed a bit and said well my cats, my dog and my computer friends. I just don't have anyone else honestly--people work and have their own lives...when we moved here 8 years ago my DH and I did everything together and it did not include friends--just each other. I talk to people at church on Sunday and now that is about it except the girl at the post office and the people at the grocery store. Once in awhile a neighbor will stop by but everyone is usually working so that isn't very often. I talk to my girlfriend in CA a couple times a week--and my sister which us usually not always a good thing but I love her and she needs encouragement too. So you guys are my biggest support! I am blessed to have all of you!
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