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Old 05-28-2016, 07:10 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,107 posts, read 17,646,574 times
Reputation: 22454

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Leave a card on her desk and maybe a favorite box of candy if you don't know then maybe someone else does ask around . I left a sympathy card for a co worker and a box of her fave chocolates and this was 5 yrs ago and she still remembers that . I lost my father ten years ago and I still mourn him and there is nothing that can make you feel better when you are mourning a current loss .
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Old 05-28-2016, 09:36 AM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,571 posts, read 17,953,604 times
Reputation: 5919
I will still go with a HUG. As a Male had not seen or spoke with a good Male friend even tho we live close by. I still jumped out of my car and shook his hand and gave a nice HUG saying that I was happy to see him.
Asked about a couple of mutual friends and his response was that they had passed away within the past couple of years. We are in our Senior years.

OP is a co worker of many years so think they are past the hand shake and a sorry thing.

Personally I would rather have a face to face condolence then a card left for me considering many years of association.

I'm 84 and who is going to read any cards after I'm gone?........nobody.
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Old 05-28-2016, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,144 posts, read 7,469,555 times
Reputation: 17054
She's been your coworker for 16 years???

CALL HER!!!

If she doesn't want to talk she will not pick up. Leave her a message and let her know you are thinking of her.

She may want to talk because she needs a break from making funeral arrangements FOR BOTH PARENTS.
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Old 05-28-2016, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,954 posts, read 32,676,353 times
Reputation: 57063
I like the idea of a card with a personal note as well as a small bouquet of flowers or a small plant.
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Old 05-28-2016, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ > Raleigh, NC
14,301 posts, read 17,505,128 times
Reputation: 22132
Appropriate is dependent on the relationship that existed prior to the deaths. And - to some degree- office politics, cultural/ethnic proprieties of the people involved, etc.. So I won't comment on that.

However, I will relate this story: After my father died in 2008, suddenly at 85 years old, I took a week off of work. When I returns, many hugs, people left me sandwiches, cookies, flowers, etc. Sent cards to my home address, made memorial donations, etc. All very nice. I don't remember any of it or their gestures specifically, but I remember it as a nice feeling.

But my direct boss never said a word. I worked very closely with him, and there is no question whatsoever that he knew what had happened. He was the one who sent the email to the office staff. But he made no acknowledgement to me directly. No card. No hug. No memorial donation. No verbal "I'm sorry", "My condolences", "My sympathies". NOTHING. I never, ever forgot or forgave that. And never will. I quit a few months later, and this episode had a lot to do with it - to the point that I mentioned it during my exit interview!
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Old 05-28-2016, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Forest bathing
1,136 posts, read 675,037 times
Reputation: 2654
Our new neighbor just lost his mom. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and given 6 months. She passed away last weekend so they had to fly to SLC for the funeral. When they returned home I brought over a bouquet of fresh flowers from our yard mainly peonies and hosta leaves. I just said I am sorry, what else can you say?

I would leave a sympathy card, a simple one, not overblown but heartfelt. Simple gestures are best.
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Old 05-28-2016, 12:15 PM
 
14,982 posts, read 8,543,320 times
Reputation: 24955
I asked this question in the employment forum, what people would do in such a situation when a co-worker's loved one/parent dies. A few made some mean spirited comments, but there really is no standard etiquette in such situations.

Few months ago a co-worker's mother suddenly died and he was out for a few weeks. I don't think it's policy, but our manager passed along the message to our group, someone bought a card, and we all signed it and left it on his desk. The manager also came along and gave his sympathies.

None of us hugged him when he came back or expressed sympathies, we simply greeted him and left him to how he wanted to be. He wasn't outwardly sad or grieving so it was like any other day.

That's the only time I've experienced a co-worker that lost a close loved one. There have been a few other co-workers at previous jobs that lost relatives but they worked in another group.
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Old 05-28-2016, 01:28 PM
Status: "The violence and killing has to stop!!." (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: Lark Farm
4,089 posts, read 2,386,162 times
Reputation: 37910
Being her coworker for sixteen years requires more than leaving a card on her desk in my opinion. Being supportive can be anything from a phone call offering to help, a floral arrangement or donation sent to the services, or attending the visitation. A hug is definitely the right thing to do when you see her. To me a hug expresses sympathy when we're at a loss for the right words.

She is hurting from her losses right now and needs support. Not doing anything other than a card in her desk seems kind of cold to me.
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Old 05-28-2016, 01:45 PM
 
8,218 posts, read 8,501,765 times
Reputation: 10183
You're the only one who knows if your office situation and your relationship warrants hugging. Personally, I don't like being hugged by people when they wouldn't normally hug, and I wouldn't like it in the office.

And I hope when you said you "have" a sympathy card, that you mean you hand-wrote a note, not that you bought a preprinted greeting card.
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Old 05-28-2016, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,578 posts, read 4,785,001 times
Reputation: 16491
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Bagu View Post
I will still go with a HUG. As a Male had not seen or spoke with a good Male friend even tho we live close by. I still jumped out of my car and shook his hand and gave a nice HUG saying that I was happy to see him.
Asked about a couple of mutual friends and his response was that they had passed away within the past couple of years. We are in our Senior years.

OP is a co worker of many years so think they are past the hand shake and a sorry thing.

Personally I would rather have a face to face condolence then a card left for me considering many years of association.

I'm 84 and who is going to read any cards after I'm gone?........nobody.
When my parents died I read all of the cards they saved.
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