How to get autistic daughter more socially involved. (Houston, Sugar Land: buying, elementary school)

[Lindof]

Hi. I have a daughter in elementary school who's on the autism spectrum. Her speech is not very clear to go with the usual lack of social skills/awareness that everyone on the spectrum experiences. As with most people with autism, she has found it difficult to make close friends. Yes, she says "hi/hello" to everyone and everyone reciprocate.

While she won't say it, I get the feeling that she wants closer friends. I tried to get her school to start a school version of big brother/big sister program so that she and other autistic kids can have other students to hang out or go to lunch with, but the school refused.

We moved here to Houston from Washington, so we have no family for her to hang around. She partakes in all school activities just to be around people and, in her mind, she doesn't understand why people won't talk to her.

Can anyone suggest a way to get her more socially involved, especially at school (maybe, a way to get her a lunch buddy to start). Anywhere I can take her regularly where she can make friends? We live in West Houston, close to Katy.

[NewToKaty007]

I read that the prevalence of autism in kids in the US has increased dramatically to 1 in 59. You'd think every family has or knows someone with autism and that they'd talk to their kids about being tolerant of kids with autism. Even if they don't, they must have seen the news stories.

I always tell my kids that they should try and be friends with everyone, not just the so-called "popular kids". I let them know that most quiet kid don't want to be by themselves, they just don't know how to approach classmates and be friends. I wish more parents educate their kids about schoolmates with autism.

Also, I don't think our schools are doing enough for these kids. A friend of mine tried to start a best buddies program at Seven Lake Junior High in Katy because of his son, who's also on the spectrum but the school shot them down too, saying they already have a program in place where they encourage students with autism to go around introducing themselves (or something that ridiculous). My friend's son's problem is not introducing himself, asking questions or speaking up - it is making friends and maintaining relationships AND having fellow students to talk to and hang with during school will help them (1) come out of their shell, and (2) learn socializing skills. This is why a lot of brilliant kids on the spectrum decide against going to college...because our schools don't create the right environment for them.

Unfortunately, life for kids with autism is not like in big bang theory. They don't magically make friends who will love being around them. We need to teach our kids to be tolerant.

[swopoe]

Girl Scouts?

[SugLandDAd]

I would second scouting....my son was a scout for many years, and the closer interaction with a smaller group of children, who could become familiar with him and his quirks, was a better place for him to reach out and become interactive.... Also reach out to local autism and disabilities support groups..... Sugar Land has an autism play group ( up to age 12) ...the ARC of Fort Bend County, and Hope for Three all have social activities.


My son regularly attends two groups, one a meet up group, put together by families with kids on the spectrum....the other a purely social group, once a month put on by ARC.


The River Pointe Church near where 99 and 59 meet in Sugar Land/Richmond has a great many activities for kids on the spectrum. It hosts one of the meet ups we regularly attend.




https://www.riverpointe.org/special-needs/


https://mailchi.mp/c0c8f9eaa776/may-...9?e=a36ef443a8

[HookTheBrotherUp]

Autism is autism. You cannot change the person, the social aspect is part of being autistic. I know where you are coming from, OP, but the characteristics of autism cannot simply be undone that way, else autism would not exist.

There is a Meetup group called HARS for parents with autistic children, have you checked into that? You may have to drive into the city, unless they have gatherings out where you live.

As for the schools, they will not do anything like that where the child is identified/marked that way. Our son has ADHD and it was spotted correctly by his teacher when he was in the 2nd grade (in Katy). She often talked to us about it, asked us many leading questions, but never asked us to go get him checked, or did anything about it. Teachers will often spot these things because they deal with so many children during their career.

After he was clinically diagnosed a few years later, we learned that schools in Texas cannot tell parents what is wrong with their children, at least with ADHD, else the school becomes responsible for providing an environment for that student. It is a money thing with the school, so they instruct their teachers not to ever recommend testing, or telling parents that their children has ADHD at least. But miss a day, or two of school, and all hell breaks out because the school loses money! Good luck!

PS. I just remembered what the issue with the school was... if they recommended testing, then the school had to pay for it.

[SugLandDAd]

Autism is autism. You cannot change the person, the social aspect is part of being autistic.

The point of social and meet up groups is helping children understand how the outside world works, and help them develop strategies for dealing with it.

With these skills, children on the spectrum can make great advances in how they relate to others, lessening their isolation. I would recommend you do this as early as possible, because it works.

[bohunak]

Lindof, from our experience, it was extremely hard to connect our son with other kids. He was diagnosed with moderate Autism early in his life. It never bothered him that he didn't have any friends, until one day he "woke up" after many therapies got better socially and otherwise and realized that he doesn't have any friends. Kids at school talked to him, but outside of school? Totally different story. Nobody wanted to be his friend. For us it didn't end up as a good story with good end. He had to wait for his college to eventually find his friends.

NewToKaty- I know that schools doesn't do enough for kids like my son. When my son was at the school, every teacher loved him, administration loved him. He was walking talking encyclopedia, Big Bang Theory guy lol. Straight A's , AP classes, at school every day, NMS boy, they got "a lot of money" from him. But when he got sick, everybody wanted to get rid of him. I had to use legal threat with the school. They wanted to wash their hands clean, I didn't allow it. But I pulled him out that time after couple of months, and found for him better schooling. And I will say it over and over, our school system DOESN'T support our kids and they don't know how to deal with all of that. And sadly, it goes thru all US, not just TX.

Good luck, OP. I believe you can check some MEETUP places in Houston, they are few with Asperger's.

[lhafer]

Is she in any sort of behavior therapy? That would be a good to start. How old is she? I also recommend Girl Scouts if she’s younger. I only say that because as girls get older, they tend to loose interest in scouts in general, and if the troop continues, it’s girls who have been together for a long time and already have a tight bond, and might not have that inclusive vibe you are looking for.

[kemahkami]

Video games would be a good start. They are highly escapist, often with fantastical themes, which provides your daughter access to an atmosphere where she's far less likely to be ostracized for her condition. Combined with the fact that many video games have advanced online multiplayer capabilities, along with high-end chat services like Discord, your daughter also has the opportunity of building real friendships and real leadership skills, in a way that still allows her to fully embrace her "quirks."

As she's in elementary school, I'd strongly recommend buying her a Nintendo Switch. It comes with multitudes of family friendly games that will allow her to build confidence, before she can get into hardcore MMORPGs on PlayStation or XBox.

[HoustonBee]

We have a family friend who was able to join social groups through his occupational therapy practice. If your daughter isn't currently receiving OT services, you may want to check local OT practices to see if they offer any social skills groups for your daughter.