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Last night I learned the man that assaulted me in 2013 died in March 2015. I've been learning the act of forgiveness - it doesn't excuse what he did to me, but it's an act of moving on with my life. I finally started properly grieving what happened last year, but forgiveness has been slow. Now that I have learned he is no longer walking on this Earth, it's definitely time to forgive. He is dead and buried - he can't hurt me or others anymore, and I shouldn't let it affect my life. I find the act of forgiveness to be a bit difficult.
I did find this site about forgiveness in Islam; however, it seems to be about if I commit the sin and asking forgiveness from Allah. How does a Muslim forgive someone? I really want to learn and I'm curious.
Last night I learned the man that assaulted me in 2013 died in March 2015. I've been learning the act of forgiveness - it doesn't excuse what he did to me, but it's an act of moving on with my life. I finally started properly grieving what happened last year, but forgiveness has been slow. Now that I have learned he is no longer walking on this Earth, it's definitely time to forgive. He is dead and buried - he can't hurt me or others anymore, and I shouldn't let it affect my life. I find the act of forgiveness to be a bit difficult.
I did find this site about forgiveness in Islam; however, it seems to be about if I commit the sin and asking forgiveness from Allah. How does a Muslim forgive someone? I really want to learn and I'm curious.
It is a great and meritorious thing you are striving to do. You have already taken the first and most important step, having a desire to forgive.
contrary to popular belief Islam is not much for rituals and dogma, it is primarily about intentions and personal responsibility.
Your intent and desire have already accomplished the majority of what you are trying to accomplish. You may find it helpful to ask God(swt) to forgive the one who hurt you.
While Dua's (personal prayers) may be in our own words and language you may find it helpful to ask God(swt) to open your heart to forgiving.
A person wiser and more knowledgeable than me has said it better:
Forgive as a statement that says, ‘Oh Allah I’m not forgiving them for their own sake, rather I am forgiving them as a sign of gratitude to You for steering me clear of those desires. I’m forgiving them out of my love for You. I’m forgiving them because I know You love it when a slave of Yours is merciful to others and I want to be of the ones that You love. My desires tell me to wish evil for them and to hold this grudge, but I put You over my own desire and I forgive them.’
Pray for those who hurt you. Pray for those who do not accept you. Love them for the sake of God. Pray that they realize their wrongs before they face their Lord. Pray that no one ever has to go through the same thing you did at the hands of this person. Love your oppressor for the sake of God, because love is the only emotion that is strong enough to penetrate a hardened heart, but know it will take time. Perhaps years, but you will be a better person because you chose to take the higher route: Forgiveness.
Last night I learned the man that assaulted me in 2013 died in March 2015. I've been learning the act of forgiveness - it doesn't excuse what he did to me, but it's an act of moving on with my life. I finally started properly grieving what happened last year, but forgiveness has been slow. Now that I have learned he is no longer walking on this Earth, it's definitely time to forgive. He is dead and buried - he can't hurt me or others anymore, and I shouldn't let it affect my life. I find the act of forgiveness to be a bit difficult.
I did find this site about forgiveness in Islam; however, it seems to be about if I commit the sin and asking forgiveness from Allah. How does a Muslim forgive someone? I really want to learn and I'm curious.
The term "forgive" occur 133 time in the Quran [Pickthall], except for one or two, the rest relate to forgiveness from Allah to Muslim sinners.
Note the following verses;
4:168 Lo! those who disbelieve and deal in wrong, Allah will never forgive them, neither will He guide them unto a road,
9:113 It is not for the Prophet, and those who believe, to pray for the forgiveness of idolaters even though they may be near of kin (to them) after it hath become clear that they are people of hell-fire.
With the kind of the above verses, such as "Allah will never forgive them" [4:168] I understand the idea of forgiveness is difficult for a Muslim because the ethos of Islam do not promote a prevalent sense of forgiveness in comparison to Christianity.
If Allah the ultimate authority of a Muslim's life proclaim the above, it is likely a Muslim will go along with verse 4:168 and 9:113.
Regardless of what Islam conveys in the Quran, it is critical all human beings must practice forgiveness immediately and but not necessary forget [preferable if one can do it when things are settled].
If a person continues [ruminate on it] to have 'hatred' for the other person it only meant the person is harboring very negative emotions within one self.
Neuro-Psychologically and self-development for one's well-being;
The liability with harboring negative emotions [subsequently after the actual incidents] is they contribute to the oozing of poisonous chemicals in the brain and the body which are detrimental to the victim.
The critical action is to forgive immediately, [not forgetting immediately] then take whatever necessary actions rationally, legally, correctly, wisely, preventive measures, counseling, etc.
The Rationale
When one is under threat or assaulted the natural instinct kick in to made one fear and/or angry to deal with the immediate threat.
As with animals, once the incident/threat is over the instinctual fears and anger disappear almost immediately and it do not affect the animals emotionally. The incident is retain in memory to ensure avoidance in the future.
The problem with humans with self-awareness and other human faculties is such fears and anger linger in the mind for a longer period that result in some ruminating on the issue and suffering for it.
Forgiveness is one strategy to cut off the lingering and ruminating of such negative emotions.
The term "forgive" occur 133 time in the Quran [Pickthall], except for one or two, the rest relate to forgiveness from Allah to Muslim sinners.
Note the following verses;
4:168 Lo! those who disbelieve and deal in wrong, Allah will never forgive them, neither will He guide them unto a road,
9:113 It is not for the Prophet, and those who believe, to pray for the forgiveness of idolaters even though they may be near of kin (to them) after it hath become clear that they are people of hell-fire.
With the kind of the above verses, such as "Allah will never forgive them" [4:168] I understand the idea of forgiveness is difficult for a Muslim because the ethos of Islam do not promote a prevalent sense of forgiveness in comparison to Christianity.
If Allah the ultimate authority of a Muslim's life proclaim the above, it is likely a Muslim will go along with verse 4:168 and 9:113.
Regardless of what Islam conveys in the Quran, it is critical all human beings must practice forgiveness immediately and but not necessary forget [preferable if one can do it when things are settled].
If a person continues [ruminate on it] to have 'hatred' for the other person it only meant the person is harboring very negative emotions within one self.
Neuro-Psychologically and self-development for one's well-being;
The liability with harboring negative emotions [subsequently after the actual incidents] is they contribute to the oozing of poisonous chemicals in the brain and the body which are detrimental to the victim.
The critical action is to forgive immediately, [not forgetting immediately] then take whatever necessary actions rationally, legally, correctly, wisely, preventive measures, counseling, etc.
The Rationale
When one is under threat or assaulted the natural instinct kick in to made one fear and/or angry to deal with the immediate threat.
As with animals, once the incident/threat is over the instinctual fears and anger disappear almost immediately and it do not affect the animals emotionally. The incident is retain in memory to ensure avoidance in the future.
The problem with humans with self-awareness and other human faculties is such fears and anger linger in the mind for a longer period that result in some ruminating on the issue and suffering for it.
Forgiveness is one strategy to cut off the lingering and ruminating of such negative emotions.
Interesting. So Allah is very unforgiving when it comes to disbelievers. I know he will be torturing them for all eternity, so this sends a strong message for Muslims to never forgive non-Muslims for being non-Muslims.
The context here is important. Not being a muslim is not the same as being immoral. Indeed, if you read the Quran and hadiths, evil abounds in Islam and good people would choose to stay away. There's promotion of mass rape, terrorism, hate, pedophilia, genocide, slavery, torture, etc. So, in context, Allah does not forgive those who turn away from joining up with evil. Allah says: Follow evil or be unforgiven and endlessly tortured by me!!
As far as the psychology of forgiving, one important point is: what did the person do to DESERVE forgiveness? There are many unforgivable acts (refer to the list of things that Islam promotes for examples). To forgive a person for doing such things would be a travesty! It would damage self-esteem, for one. Do you really want to forgive a person who raped your child? Slaughtered your sons and father and husband, like Muhammed did, and then raped you and enslaved you, like Muhammed did. These are unforgivable actions.
But not forgiving does not mean you go through life miserable and dwelling on that evil person. You can work through your anger (anger comes from your value of JUSTICE, BTW), you do what you can to legally have the evil person punished and you get on with your life. I have found people who forgive vicious/evil people are the ones that cannot let go. The ones who say "You are evil garbage, you do not deserve forgiveness, I am so proud of myself that I would never do such evil and now I will go on to live my wonderful, GOOD life" are the healthy ones.
The exception is, if the evil person earns forgiveness. That's not easy to do. It's not a simple 'I'm sorry'. The person has to pay restitution. Had Muhammed, for example, turned around from his evil and spent the rest of his life fighting slavery and rape and terrorism....had he set free all his slaves and the slaves of his followers and spent all his money making sure they had good lives....had Muhammed begged forgiveness from all the women he and his men raped and if Muhammed had burned the Quran and written a new book that really was a book of peace and taught values like rationality and productivity and integrity and self esteem and honesty and individual rights (including equal rights for all people) and detailed an objective system of laws....if Muhammed gave back the goods and land he stole from others....that would have been a step in the right direction. Some evil acts, like the ones Muhammed did, are SO evil and there are so many of them, that forgiveness is almost impossible. And Muhammed didn't do anything like what I listed.
Someone who steals a bicycle is certainly not evil on the scale the Muhammed was, so forgiveness would be an easier matter. Return the bicycle with new tires and a letter of apology stating why stealing is wrong and an offer to do yard work for the victim for a month might do it.
And, it is important to distinguish between honest mistakes and acts of intentional evil.
Last edited by juju33312; 01-31-2016 at 08:45 AM..
It is a great and meritorious thing you are striving to do. You have already taken the first and most important step, having a desire to forgive.
contrary to popular belief Islam is not much for rituals and dogma, it is primarily about intentions and personal responsibility.
Your intent and desire have already accomplished the majority of what you are trying to accomplish. You may find it helpful to ask God(swt) to forgive the one who hurt you.
While Dua's (personal prayers) may be in our own words and language you may find it helpful to ask God(swt) to open your heart to forgiving.
A person wiser and more knowledgeable than me has said it better:
Forgive as a statement that says, ‘Oh Allah I’m not forgiving them for their own sake, rather I am forgiving them as a sign of gratitude to You for steering me clear of those desires. I’m forgiving them out of my love for You. I’m forgiving them because I know You love it when a slave of Yours is merciful to others and I want to be of the ones that You love. My desires tell me to wish evil for them and to hold this grudge, but I put You over my own desire and I forgive them.’
Pray for those who hurt you. Pray for those who do not accept you. Love them for the sake of God. Pray that they realize their wrongs before they face their Lord. Pray that no one ever has to go through the same thing you did at the hands of this person. Love your oppressor for the sake of God, because love is the only emotion that is strong enough to penetrate a hardened heart, but know it will take time. Perhaps years, but you will be a better person because you chose to take the higher route: Forgiveness.
Thank you, Woodrow. I will visit that virtual mosque. For others who have said to seek justice - I did and the case was dismissed. The guy was wealthy and had connections, so the detective believed him over me. Rape is also hard to prove, especially if one has health conditions. I was angry about that for a long time and I felt really guilty too. That anger ate at my life and I want to work on that. I don't excuse what that man did, but he's dead and buried now - it's time to move on. THis is helpful
Thank you, Woodrow. I will visit that virtual mosque. For others who have said to seek justice - I did and the case was dismissed. The guy was wealthy and had connections, so the detective believed him over me. Rape is also hard to prove, especially if one has health conditions. I was angry about that for a long time and I felt really guilty too. That anger ate at my life and I want to work on that. I don't excuse what that man did, but he's dead and buried now - it's time to move on. THis is helpful
Just be aware that Muhammed and his men raped women with Allah's approval.
The Apostle of Allah sent a military expedition to Awtas on the occasion of the battle of Hunain. They met their enemy and fought with them. They defeated them and took them captives. Some of the Companions of the Apostle of Allah were reluctant to have intercourse with the female captives in the presence of their husbands who were unbelievers. So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur’anic verse: (Sura 4:24) "And all married women (are forbidden) unto you save those (captives) whom your right hands possess." (Abu Dawud 2150, also Muslim 3433)
"O Allah's Apostle! We get female captives as our share of booty, and we are interested in their prices, what is your opinion about coitus interruptus?" The Prophet said, "Do you really do that? It is better for you not to do it. No soul that which Allah has destined to exist, but will surely come into existence.” (Bukhari 34:432)
As indicated, the prophet of Islam did not mind his men raping the women, provided they ejaculated within the bodies of their victims.
"We went out with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) on the expedition to the Bi'l-Mustaliq and took captive some excellent Arab women; and we desired them, for we were suffering from the absence of our wives, (but at the same time) we also desired ransom for them. So we decided to have sexual intercourse with them but by observing 'azl (Withdrawing the male sexual organ before emission of semen to avoid-conception). But we said: We are doing an act whereas Allah's Messenger is amongst us; why not ask him? So we asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him), and he said: It does not matter" (Sahih Muslim 3371)
I drove them along until I brought them to Abu Bakr who bestowed that girl upon me as a prize. So we arrived in Medina. I had not yet disrobed her when the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) met me in the street and said: “Give me that girl.” (Sahih Muslim 4345)
The prophet of Islam and his companions used war to collect women for personal sexual use and for trading.
Muhammed would enslave and sell women and even give them out like party favors to be raped:
"Then the apostle sent Sa-d b. Zayd al-Ansari, brother of Abdu'l-Ashal with some of the captive women of Banu Qurayza to Najd and he sold them for horses and weapons." (Ibn Ishaq/Hisham/Hisham 693)
The apostle gave Ali a girl called Rayta; and he gave Uthman a girl called Zaynab; and he gave Umar a girl whom Umar gave to his son Abdullah. (Ibn Ishaq/Hisham 878)
These rapes would happen after Muhammed and his men would attack a village, and then slaughter the men and boys. So these women were raped by the men who had just slaughtered their fathers, sons, brothers and husbands. THINK about that!
I have given you the chapter and verse so if you do not believe me you can look it up.
Also, one more thing....Muhammed did something I think is the worst of all....he raped a child....a little 4th grader.
SAHIH AL-BUKHARI
Narrated Aisha:
The Prophet engaged me when I was a girl of six (years). We went to Medina and stayed at the home of Bani-al-Harith bin Khazraj. Then I got ill and my hair fell down. Later on my hair grew (again) and my mother, Um Ruman, came to me while I was playing in a swing with some of my girl friends. She called me, and I went to her, not knowing what she wanted to do to me. She caught me by the hand and made me stand at the door of the house. I was breathless then, and when my breathing became all right, she took some water and rubbed my face and head with it. Then she took me into the house. There in the house I saw some Ansari women who said, "Best wishes and Allah's Blessing and a good luck." Then she entrusted me to them and they prepared me (for the marriage). Unexpectedly Allah's Apostle came to me in the forenoon and my mother handed me over to him, and at that time I was a girl of nine years of age. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 5, Book 58, Number 234)
Narrated Hisham's father:
Khadija died three years before the Prophet departed to Medina. He stayed there for two years or so and then he married 'Aisha when she was a girl of six years of age, and he consumed that marriage when she was nine years old. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 5, Book 58, Number 236)
Narrated 'Aisha:
that the Prophet married her when she was six years old and he consummated his marriage when she was nine years old, and then she remained with him for nine years (i.e., till his death). (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 64; see also Numbers 65 and 88)
And there are several other verses that detail this. Think of a 53 year old man raping a 4th grade little girl.
Thank you, Woodrow. I will visit that virtual mosque. For others who have said to seek justice - I did and the case was dismissed. The guy was wealthy and had connections, so the detective believed him over me. Rape is also hard to prove, especially if one has health conditions. I was angry about that for a long time and I felt really guilty too. That anger ate at my life and I want to work on that. I don't excuse what that man did, but he's dead and buried now - it's time to move on. THis is helpful
and thank you Jess.
I am glad that you are taking steps in the right direction. We have to accept the fact that justice is not always attainable, nor even possible in a human court. We as individuals need to take responsibility for our own actions. We can not control others, but we can do what is best for our self and forgieness of others is an excellent way to rise above the harm someone has done to us.
May Allaah(swt) make it easy for you to forgive. anger and hatred are heavy burdens and only make the harm done to you that much more painful. Ease the pain and break the emotional hold an evil person has placed on you. Forgive as a means of giving Thanks to God(swt) for your survival.
Forgiveness is a very powerful tool that can lift the weight of anger and be the medicine that removes the pain.
I am glad that you are taking steps in the right direction. We have to accept the fact that justice is not always attainable, nor even possible in a human court. We as individuals need to take responsibility for our own actions. We can not control others, but we can do what is best for our self and forgieness of others is an excellent way to rise above the harm someone has done to us.
May Allaah(swt) make it easy for you to forgive. anger and hatred are heavy burdens and only make the harm done to you that much more painful. Ease the pain and break the emotional hold an evil person has placed on you. Forgive as a means of giving Thanks to God(swt) for your survival.
Forgiveness is a very powerful tool that can lift the weight of anger and be the medicine that removes the pain.
That is very true. I no longer drink (obviously), but I am always careful of people now. What happened to me taught me a lesson - which is life, I suppose.
I was reading his obituary and the charity at the end of the obituary was to an organ donation place. I think I might send in some money for that charity. I am an organ donor myself, but I always try to donate something. Although he hurt me badly, maybe by giving to those in need will help too.
As I continue to pray and learn the hadiths, I will keep forgiveness in mind. I want to order some hadith books.
That is very true. I no longer drink (obviously), but I am always careful of people now. What happened to me taught me a lesson - which is life, I suppose.
I was reading his obituary and the charity at the end of the obituary was to an organ donation place. I think I might send in some money for that charity. I am an organ donor myself, but I always try to donate something. Although he hurt me badly, maybe by giving to those in need will help too.
As I continue to pray and learn the hadiths, I will keep forgiveness in mind. I want to order some hadith books.
I usually do not reccommend the Ahadith to anyone unless they have first completed a basic study in the "SCIENCE OF HADITH" IT HAS TO BE KEPT IN MIND SOME AHADITH HAVE NOT BEEN VERIFIED
HOWEVER, if a person follows the Sunni path the compilations of Bukhari and Muslim are considered to be Sahih, (of high reliability and authenticity) for those that follow the Shi'ite path I believe they only consider the compilation of Muslim as Sahih and totally reject all Ahadith attributed to Aisha. They also do not believe Aisha was ever married to Muhammad(saws) and in actuallity she was an old Jewish woman who hated Muhammad(saws) and lied about him to defame him.
In any event the Ahadith are only as accurate as the memory of the witness. I have my own personal questions about any relating to Aisha as she told them to ibn Hisham who was 12 years old when she died. He did not write them down until he was in his 70s. Although Bukhari classes them as Sahih. There is no question as to their authenticity as bukhari did trace them back to ibn Hisham and found strong evidence ibn Hisham actually knew Aisha. but he did make an exception in declaring them to be Reliable as there has been no other witness except Hisham. The criteria for high reliability is a minimum of 4 witnesses all being present at the same time and all reporting the same. This is my personal opinion and I alone accept responsibility if I am in error Astagafirullah
I will bost a link to the accepted Sunni compilations. Notice they are arainged by topic in accordance with what the comiler feels they are pertinent to. Very few if any Ahadith are full statements, they are extracts of what impressed the compiler, there is also considerable repetition as the compilers often felt a hadith could be applicable to many different categories. Also Muslim is a duplication of Bukhari to a very large extent except Muslim used different categories.
I usually do not reccommend the Ahadith to anyone unless they have first completed a basic study in the "SCIENCE OF HADITH" IT HAS TO BE KEPT IN MIND SOME AHADITH HAVE NOT BEEN VERIFIED
HOWEVER, if a person follows the Sunni path the compilations of Bukhari and Muslim are considered to be Sahih, (of high reliability and authenticity) for those that follow the Shi'ite path I believe they only consider the compilation of Muslim as Sahih and totally reject all Ahadith attributed to Aisha. They also do not believe Aisha was ever married to Muhammad(saws) and in actuallity she was an old Jewish woman who hated Muhammad(saws) and lied about him to defame him.
In any event the Ahadith are only as accurate as the memory of the witness. I have my own personal questions about any relating to Aisha as she told them to ibn Hisham who was 12 years old when she died. He did not write them down until he was in his 70s. Although Bukhari classes them as Sahih. There is no question as to their authenticity as bukhari did trace them back to ibn Hisham and found strong evidence ibn Hisham actually knew Aisha. but he did make an exception in declaring them to be Reliable as there has been no other witness except Hisham. The criteria for high reliability is a minimum of 4 witnesses all being present at the same time and all reporting the same. This is my personal opinion and I alone accept responsibility if I am in error Astagafirullah
I will bost a link to the accepted Sunni compilations. Notice they are arainged by topic in accordance with what the comiler feels they are pertinent to. Very few if any Ahadith are full statements, they are extracts of what impressed the compiler, there is also considerable repetition as the compilers often felt a hadith could be applicable to many different categories. Also Muslim is a duplication of Bukhari to a very large extent except Muslim used different categories.
Thanks, Woodrow.I brought prayer beads too and I'm trying to locate books about how to use them. I am just looking for a lot more books than what I have already.
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