Legal Rights To a 17 1/2 yr old?? if they graduated high school? (renting, home) - Kansas (KS) - City-Data Forum

zerillium · 01-05-2007, 08:02 PM

Hey everyone, my girlfriend and i have sort of been stumped on what to do. we live about 100 miles away from each other and... well i guess that's besides the point. but the story is about the age of 16 her dad kicked her out of the house, her mom has no legal rights what so ever to her, and so he ended up shipping her off to military school. she graduated military school with an diploma equivalent to a high school diploma. i met her in college as she moved in with her grandma, me being in my early 20's, i didn't think many ppl under the age of 18 was going to college, but after about a week of hanging out with her i decided i liked her and asked her out, after another week of dating, come to find out she was only 17. well, we've been dating for 5 months now, and she doesnt turn 18 for another 5 months, her grandma isn't letting me see her anymore, when to begin with her grandma doesn't even have legal rights over her, her father on the other hand lives in an entirely different state. (oklahoma)
without going threw the trouble of emansipation, is there anyway she can move out of her grandma's house, and, me n her get on with our lives??
1. her father is an alcoholic in oklahoma
2. her mother lives in florida and has only seen her daughter like 4 times
3. her grandma is a bible thumper and for me to hang out with her i must get her father's permission. (i wouldn't mind that one if her father wouldn't be drunk, and give me a chance)

i just feel like i'm paddling up a river.... only thing is, is that i forgot the paddles. we just figure if we can last 5 1/2 more months like this, it'll all be okay, but she has a job, i have a job, she has a high school diploma(equivalent) and doesn't even live at home to begin with, she's going to college, and we're pretty content.... minus ... her whole family

suggestions?

kosnebbear · 01-06-2007, 02:27 AM

Well as long as she is living with Grandma in Grandma's home which is not her home and it is not your home then I guess that she needs to follow the rules of Grandma. You also need to find out why Grandma does not like you. I have raised three children and I can see that you are only telling your side of the story and only that part that you want to say. What have you done to make Grandma upset?

NEBAZKAN · 01-06-2007, 09:36 AM

Hmmm. Grandma is the only person who's ever cared about this girl, and now you've got a problem waiting 5-1/2 months to be with the girl of your dreams? Give me a break! If you really care about her you'll give her a chance to get her education while staying in a place where somebody really cares about her.

zerillium · 01-06-2007, 11:24 AM

it's not the fact about her education, and i can wait 5 1/2 months, just wondering if i must?

Hatless Wonder · 01-07-2007, 07:00 PM

I think your only option is to wait it out.

kosnebbear · 01-08-2007, 02:15 AM

And show some respect for the one person who cares for this girl, her Grandmother. You seem to be thinking with what is hanging between your legs and not with your heart. Show something that you younger individuals seem to lack some respect for others and learn to work with those who are older and have been there before you were even born.

Versatile · 01-08-2007, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kosnebbear

And show some respect for the one person who cares for this girl, her Grandmother. You seem to be thinking with what is hanging between your legs and not with your heart. Show something that you younger individuals seem to lack some respect for others and learn to work with those who are older and have been there before you were even born.

I disagree. The young man is thinking with his brain as he has exhibited with his asking questions at this forum. To wait 5 to 6 mos is not that long to wait. Look at it as though you are in the military. You can keep up your relationship by email or telephone. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. This will be a good test of the relationship you now have. Give Grandma the respect she deserves. Grandma stepped up to the plate to take care of this girl when she didn't have to. I feel for you with your affection for this girl. You need grandma in your life in the future. Do not alienate her. Grandma doesnt know actually how you feel. Grandma is just doing her job and sounds like a good one at that. She is the family protector and in the beginning she is going to look at you as a threat until she get's to know you.
Explore the possibility of getting in your car and going to Oklahoma and tracking down the father and getting his permission. You will seem more sincere when in person than on a telephone. Sure you are under suspicion. That just comes from being a 20 yr old single male. Most guys have to go thru this at sometime.
Most people that have been somewhat abandoned; as with this girl; have a few issues to deal with. Only time willtell as to whether see is gravitating toward you out of need from past issues or pure personal desire for you.
When she does turn 18 you must keep grandma in the picture. Ignoring her and what she says just because of the legal right will only cause you more trouble in the future.

kosnebbear · 01-08-2007, 08:15 AM

Well if you read closer you can see that he is wondering if waiting the 5 or 6 months is worth it. To me if he has to ask this question then he is only wanting one thing and not really showing this girl the right kind of respect that she needs right now. Seems to me that maybe Grandma is just wanting this young man to show this girl some respect as well.

Versatile · 01-08-2007, 09:08 AM

I have reread his post several times and i do not get the thought that he is determining if it is worth his time to stick around. He is not asking what can they do if we move in together. He is asking basic questions. I cannot read anywhere that he has actually done something wrong to make grandma mad. Trying to read between the lines on an internet post can IMO sure lead you to the wrong conclusion. Some people are just not that good at explaining their thoughts in print. This young man is asking for general advice. He is not asking what can they do to me if i do "this" etc.
Sure grandmothers and mothers should all be suspicious of any young man that comes calling. That is just good parenting! We are not the parents nor grand parents. IMO we shouldn't want to hang him so quick. We have no proof that he has committed any crime. Yet! You can't hang a guy just because he has thoughts that are just normal to human nature. I can understand your thoughts and suspicions but imo we need to either give him more time to explain himself or more rope to hang himself with. lol

kosnebbear · 01-09-2007, 06:52 AM

Well I am glad that we all live in a free country where we all can have our own views. As you seem to quote what I write then I will just quote back to you what this young man wrote as well.

First Post January 5, 2007, 09:02

3. her grandma is a bible thumper and for me to hang out with her i must get her father's permission. (i wouldn't mind that one if her father wouldn't be drunk, and give me a chance)

This sounds to me that this young man does not like Grandma because she must go to church and he does not. Seems to me that if you go to church to him you must be a bible thumper. NO RESPECT HERE FOR GRANDMA.

Also he is saying that he can't speak with her father because he is always drunk. My wife's father was also a drunk, but I took then time to gain his respect even when he was drunk. My wife asked me after I met her family if I still wanted to marry her. I told her that I was marrying her and not her family. That I could get along with her family, because I was going to share my life with her. This young man wrote "and we're pretty content.... minus ... her whole family" does this sound like he wants to respect her and her family? To me this is only looking out for what he wants.

Then in the January 6, 2007 post at 10:36am by NEBAKZAN about him showing some patience if this girld met as much as he feels for her and to give her a chance to finish her education by waiting the 5 1/2 or 6 months. Here is his answer to this post that was posted January 6, 2007 at 12:24 PM

it's not the fact about her education, and i can wait 5 1/2 months, just wondering if i must?

Once again if she is the one that he really loves then he will work on his relationship with Grandma, try harder to talk with father even if he is drunk, give her time to finish her education.

I had a very long distant relationship with my wife fro 2 1/2 years before we got married. We have been together now going on 36 years. So if he really loves this girl then him waiting, working on family relationships, keeping her family part of her life are all things that he needs to get done for a long term relationship to work and I hope for both of them that is what will happen for them both. But in reading his posts I do not get this feeling. He asked and I gave him my feelings. You can disagree all you want, but you will not change my thoughts only this young man can, along with this young lady.