Loooking for southern guru to guide me on my journey??? (apartments, houses)

[weisgarber1]

Originally Posted by goodbyehollywood

Well, I'm certainly not a guru, but then, I don't think you need one. Southerners aren't some weird species from an alien planet; they're warm, friendly people who, as a rule, want to be kind and courteous. Now, some may cross the line and some may be more intimate than you would like or are used to and some may jump, uninvited, into a conversation. Others don't. This isn't unique to the South and, in fact, many who live here aren't even Southerners. I have had everything you mention happen to me in California, with the exception of a stranger discussing their sex life in line (and that would be weird anywhere). None of these things are uniquely Southern; they're just differences in where people choose to place the line between friendliness and intrusiveness.

But, yes, at the risk of generalizing, Southerners tend to be friendly and open and they do tend to strike up a conversation wherever they happen to be. To a Southerner, conversing is a pleasant way to pass the time when you're standing in line or glommed together in a crowd. Most are just trying to be nice, but perhaps you have met some who are a bit too friendly for your taste. I don't think Southerners have a different definition of "personal space" or what is appropriate conversation for a public place. And, yes, standing next to strangers is OK. They are probably not trying to rip you off. If they're standing too close, simply step away. If they step closer, they're not being a Southerner; they're being a pervert or a pickpocket and regionality is irrelevant.

I don't know why you're having all these issues, but I do know that when you say things like "this place" and "these people" over and over again, you are distancing yourself. You're putting up barriers that will make it difficult for you to ever feel at home or "fit in" here. You can either acclimate and appreciate the differences, stay and bemoan them or go back North, where you won't be subject to them. Drawing a line between "them" and "me" keeps you an outsider and it doesn't sound like that's what you want to be.

Good luck! I hope you're happy here.

Those are excellent, appropo, observations, and especially the notation of using, "this place," and "these people." Using those type phrases makes one's attitude seem to be another example of relocating and bringing a condescending socio-centric prejudice with them.

[slg8080]

how do you suppose to meet people/friends if no one ever strikes up a conversation? or maybe you wish everyone would just keep to themselves? sounds like southern hospitality is not for you??? Im from south florida {originally tennessee} and long time florida residents are very open people also, but you can sure tell when someone from up north{exspecially new yorkers} come down to florida because they are up tight with a sad look on there face. hope you become a more sociable resident of tennessee and enjoy the openess of southern people. good luck.

[gemkeeper]

I don't think that neebee2knox was being critical, but just asking a question about behavior that she was unfamiliar with.

I think that this is what we like to see folks new to the area do - ask about the local culture, traditions, habits, etc.

She stated that she does want to fit in with her new community, but is unsure if she is reading certain behaviors correctly or not.

I think we need to give the OP a little slack here and try to help her out. That's what I would want if I were on the forum the first time. (In fact, I was in tears to the responses that I got from my initial goofy questions!)

We all have to start someplace. We should be proud if this is the starting point for someone new to E. TN and trying to adjust and blend in with her neighbors.

[ak to nm]

gemthornton, Thank you! Obviously you took the time to read my post and understand what I was trying to get across.

I don't understand where some of you have turned this into me trying to bash southerners, or make distinctions. The words I used were only used to describe the situations, if you saw more in them then that then that is your interpretation and yours alone.

To the rest who have been so kind to answer my questions, thank you for taking the time! And yes gemthronton I hope to keep you all up to date on what I am sure will be my many adventures in what I now call my home, Knoxville.

[LauraC]

I like people chatting me up on line at the supermarket, at the post office or in the doctor's office waiting room about anything. I'm not used to that but I like it here. No one has ever grilled me for personal info.

I like it that sometimes when I'm at the supermarket, the cashier or bag person asks if I need help getting my groceries to the car. I never do but I think it's a nice gesture.

I like that men always hold the door open for me here and let me go through the door first. I always make sure to thank them and they say, "yes ma'am."

What I don't like is someone too close to me when I enter my PIN.

Maybe the guy standing between you and your husband was trying to pick up your husband.

I don't know about that kid thing, though.

[hiknapster]

I held off on responding because I was unsure if this was another "trollish" posting. We've had a lot of those, lately.

Since there is another post, I'll assume the post is legitimate.

I've found the people here to be chatty, but not pushy, friendly but not nosey.

For instance:

If I say, "I have five kids," up North, or in Florida, I would get a million different questions. "How old are they?" "How often do you see them?" Questions that I am totally uncomfortable with. You get the feeling that they could care less about your situation, that they just want the gossip.

Down here, I make the statement and I get, "Isn't that wonderful!" No other questions. This has happened time and time, again. They seem truly interested. I'm a pretty good judge of character, and you can see it. But they won't press.

Now, having said that, I don't think everyone is wonderful around here. In fact, when I first moved here, I met a lot of jerks. Now that I have a job where I deal with about 80 different people a day, from Memphis to north Georgia, through Knoxille, Johsnon City and into Virgina I've found, in the long run, people are not any nicer or meaner than anywhere else.

But they are chatty. Boy, are they ever. And you either like that sort of thing or you don't. I love it. I'd rather stand in
line talking to someone than wait, bored and impatient. But I've NEVER heard of someone talking that personal. Might just be a fluke.

Anyway, if you are not a chatty person this might not be the place for you. Consider southwest Florida. They'd rather die or flip you the bird than talk to you.

[bbkaren]

Originally Posted by hiknapster

Down here, I make the statement and I get, "Isn't that wonderful!" No other questions. This has happened time and time, again. They seem truly interested. I'm a pretty good judge of character, and you can see it. But they won't press.

...Anyway, if you are not a chatty person this might not be the place for you. Consider southwest Florida. They'd rather die or flip you the bird than talk to you.

I found when I mentioned my kids to the girl at the desk at the hotel we stayed at in Kingston, she asked how old and wanted to see pictures lol! And of course for each one, she had a nice compliment about.

And as for those in Florida, they sound like in NJ--except they'd rather flip you the bird and hope YOU die! lol

[ak to nm]

[quote hiknapster]I held off on responding because I was unsure if this was another "trollish" posting. We've had a lot of those, lately.

Since there is another post, I'll assume the post is legitimate.

I've found the people here to be chatty, but not pushy, friendly but not nosey.

For instance:

If I say, "I have five kids," up North, or in Florida, I would get a million different questions. "How old are they?" "How often do you see them?" Questions that I am totally uncomfortable with. You get the feeling that they could care less about your situation, that they just want the gossip.

Down here, I make the statement and I get, "Isn't that wonderful!" No other questions. This has happened time and time, again. They seem truly interested. I'm a pretty good judge of character, and you can see it. But they won't press.

Now, having said that, I don't think everyone is wonderful around here. In fact, when I first moved here, I met a lot of jerks. Now that I have a job where I deal with about 80 different people a day, from Memphis to north Georgia, through Knoxille, Johsnon City and into Virgina I've found, in the long run, people are not any nicer or meaner than anywhere else.

But they are chatty. Boy, are they ever. And you either like that sort of thing or you don't. I love it. I'd rather stand in
line talking to someone than wait, bored and impatient. But I've NEVER heard of someone talking that personal. Might just be a fluke.

Anyway, if you are not a chatty person this might not be the place for you. Consider southwest Florida. They'd rather die or flip you the bird than talk to you.[/quote]

hiknapster, I took the time to go back and look over some recent post, man are you ever on the money. There are some really negetive people posting and replying on this board.

I think that most of us northeners moved here to get away from all of that, or at least try to limit the instances from always to very seldom. Some people are quick to make negitive comments, and also to come back with negitive replys.

I am glad to say that even though I have had many experiences with negitive, rude, and just over the top (my opinion is everything) kind of people. It has been a lot more positive then negitive.

"they would rather die or flip you the bird then talk to you" This is what I am trying to remove from myself, I have that whole attitude. I have tried with every fiber of my being to get away from that attitude, it kills me to even have that thought in my head. I am not a rude, negitive person. I would rather live and let live. Flourish in my own happiness then try to drown in mine or someone elses misary. I so much want ot rid myself of that type of thinking.

There are some truly caring and lovely people here, the kind of people that I have never met in my entire life. I find this to be a great opportunity to move myself into a new way of thinking. I hope that in time I will be able to adapt my way of thinking into something that brings both my northern and now southern experiences into a great mesh, something that shows me that the world is not just what I was raised to think it was. I am so excited at this prospect. I can't wait to see what the next day brings!

[hiknapster]

You will. Give it time.

[Pam& Bill]

I think the perfect strangers coming up to me on the street, grocery store line, wherever took a good 6 months to get used to. I was from upstate NY and even though I lived in a small town that everyone knew everyone or were related, I wasn't used to the friendliness of Tn. I've since gotten used to it and I have even been known to start chatting with strangers myself now. I also make eye contact when I say hello or smile as I pass someone on the sidewalk. It does make each day here more interesting and in time you'll find yourself doing the same thing.
Pam