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There is a question I would like to pose to all those on this board, but it will take a little bit to explain.
Is it better for a working/middle class family on a working/middle class income (of say under $100,000) to stay with their kids in their working/middle class school district or to move into a more middle/upper middle school district? (We'll assume that they can afford a home in the midle/upper middle class area because they have the home equity in their present home)
What are the advantages and/or drawbacks?
Will the kids fit in or will they be ostracized? or feel inferior because they can't afford the same clothes, etc...
Will the parents fit in or will they be looked down on by the neighbors?
Will the parents feel inadequate because they can't give their kids the things that all the other kids have?
Examples: Moving from North Babylon to Half Hollow Hills or Deer Park to Syosset or Levittown to Herricks or Middle Country to Smithtown , etc...
I try to judge people as people but on Long Island in some towns (being very careful here) it's all about what you own and how people can use you for these things.
I experienced that first hand.
Some people flock to 'better areas' or 'hang with' those who have nice cars, better than average houses, and can get into all that materialism 'lifestyle.' It depends what you can handle. If you feel a school is better for your children, then it's a positive step to move. But you have to be a strong person and respect your values.
If someone thinks they are better than you because you don't own a BMW or Hummer, why would you want to be friends with them anyhow? I don't personally CARE what anyone thinks. If you are decent person and meet other decent, caring people (they are out there) then 'things' should not matter.
I'm working class salary (by your definition) in a "high end" desirable school district. My children know what we have or won't afford and have no problem with the fact that I drive a reasonably priced, 7 year old American car while their friends arrive to school in new BMWs, Lexus and Mercedes. They aren't label conscious (thank heaven!) and have made good friends who are from the same background and from more affluent homes.
We moved here when my 1st child was very young and youngest was not yet born. Our house is modest but kept nicely. This is all my children have ever known. Their friends have waterfront homes, mansions, mcmansions and multiple homes throughout the USA.
If we moved from a working class neighborhood with children of school age, I think it would have mafe a difference -- they would have intermingled with children whose parents are less college and career oriented, perhaps hung out in the streets with a different type of crowd, like I did growing up in a blue collar south shore neighborhood.
But my children don't know the differences between the way I grew up and they way they are....having grown up around all of the affluence, having played in these homes, having sampled the lifestyle -- they have no idea what a different life they should have had if we hadn't moved here. (North Shore Suffolk)
From someone who grew up and went to school in an affluent area while my mum was a single mum, it was hard on us. It wasnt in this country but it was really hard when the other girls looked down on us.
But on the flip side, I want my children here to be more successful than me. So I think its a good thing for them to go to school with more affluent children ; then they hopefully will see that they too can make it.
I think the key is to raise your kids in a community that has the whole spectrum.
Hopefully they'll learn to be a student among students.
My parents moved me to 3V in the 80s. back then those kids in Old Field would get a BMW for their birthday.
Of course that's stuff is going to pi$$ you off and distract you when youre 17.
The district did a good job with us. Everyone I knew went to college, did well, unfortunately they came back saddled with debt and realized they couldnt afford to live here.
(I was one of 5 at my 20 yr reunion who stayed on LI, I only met one who could afford to stay in 3V, doctor.)
It was a liberal open campus, they even had a smoke shed......Wooohoo!
They steered us away from those low paying blue collar jobs like it was a cancer.Telling us the only way we'd have it better than our parents was if we went to College(what a bunch of BS) so we did.
If I had to do it over again I wouldve dropped out, got my GED and became a Suffolk County Cop for the paycheck and retirement package.
Back then the working class kids mostly hung out south of 25a.We werent welcome in the Rich Kid world(then again, they werent really welcome in ours either)and it was awkward.
Unless I was wealthy I would want to keep my kid in a modest district that performs well.
I'd want them in a progressive district with a good work ethic that doesnt struggle with entitlement issues (yes there are a few left on LI).
For that and many other reasons we chose Rocky Point over 3V.
Do you really want your kid to be "the poor kid" growing up?
You know the one that has the job and the Chevyewwwww.
I'm working class salary (by your definition) in a "high end" desirable school district. My children know what we have or won't afford and have no problem with the fact that I drive a reasonably priced, 7 year old American car while their friends arrive to school in new BMWs, Lexus and Mercedes. They aren't label conscious (thank heaven!) and have made good friends who are from the same background and from more affluent homes.
We moved here when my 1st child was very young and youngest was not yet born. Our house is modest but kept nicely. This is all my children have ever known. Their friends have waterfront homes, mansions, mcmansions and multiple homes throughout the USA.
If we moved from a working class neighborhood with children of school age, I think it would have mafe a difference -- they would have intermingled with children whose parents are less college and career oriented, perhaps hung out in the streets with a different type of crowd, like I did growing up in a blue collar south shore neighborhood.
But my children don't know the differences between the way I grew up and they way they are....having grown up around all of the affluence, having played in these homes, having sampled the lifestyle -- they have no idea what a different life they should have had if we hadn't moved here. (North Shore Suffolk)
Hats off to you Beehave
It aint easy keeping kids right sized.
Im just not sold on why youd want to put your kids through that kind of subtle misery.
I know I would never let my folks know how much that shallow stuff bothered me because I wouldn't want to hurt them(no matter how many times they asked).They worked ther asses off to put us in 3V, how could I tell them they made a bad choice becuse we didnt fit in.
Im not saying thats the case for you...but lets hope its worth it over the long haul, maybe it is.
It does present a challenge with everybody working and not parenting these days, but I believe youre right ...it can be done.
good question. I have tried to make my point on this before. I personally am more comfortable knowing where I stand & living where there is no feeling of competition.
I grew up in a middle class area but my family was certainly among the wealthiest. Being an only child I had more material things than my friends with lots of siblings & parents that were struggling. I know there were kids that were jealous of me. I remember being in Jr High & handing out 10 dollar bills to kids that said they didn't have lunch money.
I had the best car in the school and we used to pile in it & drive over to Clammie's school to buy the "good pot" from the "rich" kids.
I know people that bought "the worst house on the best block" & now their ARMs are about to reset, their credit cards are maxed out, both cars are leased & the payments are killing them & they are more concerned about what kind of counters their neighbors are getting in their new kitchen than how they are going to get out of the mess they are in.
I think if you truly have the dough & you're not going to fall into the trap of keeping up, perhaps moving into a "better town" is a good choice. I wouldn't do it.
I like living where my neighbors truly care more about me than the car I drive & my kids don't think I go to work just so they can have whatever they want.
You raised some good points. I feel much the same way.
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Do you really want your kid to be "the poor kid" growing up?
No. It will hurt their self-esteem I think. I think it might be better to keep your kids in the solid working/middle classs district then. Why make your kids suffer - what is there to gain by moving into an upper middle class district. Someone, anyone, please convince me?
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They steered us away from those low paying blue collar jobs like it was a cancer.Telling us the only way we'd have it better than our parents was if we went to College(what a bunch of BS) so we did.
Excellent Point.
College is mostly a fraud for most people unless you go to a "good" college and major in something in demand: medicine, law, accounting. I know plenty of people who never went to college, and barely finished high school, some are cops, but most work in construction, earning well over $100,000/year. I have a college degree and earn under $100,000/year.
I'm not saying college is bad, but in the upper middle class districts its the culture that everyone goes to college unless you are a loser. In working class areas there is not that pressure. Kidss I think are more free to do what they do best.
College is mostly a fraud for most people unless you go to a "good" college and major in something in demand: medicine, law, accounting. I know plenty of people who never went to college, and barely finished high school, some are cops, but most work in construction, earning well over $100,000/year. I have a college degree and earn under $100,000/year.
I'm not saying college is bad, but in the upper middle class districts its the culture that everyone goes to college unless you are a loser. In working class areas there is not that pressure. Kidss I think are more free to do what they do best.
What do you think out there?
I agree with you. Neither my husband nor I went to college, and have done OK. While I probably could have done more with my life, I also think about a specific friend from high school who went to college on her parents' dime with the plan to become a teacher. Well, college was mostly party central. She did get her degree, I'll give her credit for that, but never used it since she took a basic office job out of school, then married her college sweetheart and had a few kids. Never used the piece of paper her parents worked so hard to pay for. Now that I'm a parent, I look back on it and think she took advantage of her parents. Maybe she would have felt differently had she had to shell it out of her own pocket.
On the flip side, though, I do tell my son that college is important...mostly because I want him to do more in life than I have. But I DON'T want him to go to college when the time comes if it's just something he thinks he should do, and doesn't have any specific goals.
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