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I know I'm the only who can make the decision but I'm just venting. I have never been so torn about a decision. MY wife want children badly and I'm just not sure. I'm just so scared of the unknown and how it going to affect my life and that could be for better or for worse. Me being 44 doesn't help the decision.
Quick overview, have mortgage( owe about $250k house worth about $350K and about 20 years left), about 7k in CC debt. Have about $550k in our 401k's combined. I make about $175k and my wife makes about $50k. I'm in union so will have pension and health insurance is very good and becomes lifetime after the age of 58.
Yes I'm concerned that I could be 65 years old with a kid in college. That's scary. I also don't know if I have 2 kids now will I have to work until 70. I really don't want to but maybe I'll love my kids so much and be so happy that I may not mind working until then.
I also just being able to relax when I want and wake up on the weekends when I want and do what want when I want. But on the flip side if I have kids I could also want to do nothing else but be with them.
I don't know, I could go on and on I guess. Just so scary but I know it could be the best thing I ever did and make me such a better person.
Life is a little boring with just me and the wife...lol
:confu sed:
Last edited by Mstrlucky74; 11-10-2018 at 02:41 PM..
Many people in the suburbs go into the city to go to college and live. Usually depending on their lingo or whatever they end up in a specific area and meet somebody, go out to bars, movies, dancing or whatever have you not.
They will come back one day to claim your house and continue the debt.
Usually may it be boy or girl somebody will have somebody boyfriend or girlfriend coming in and out of the house constantly. Everybody will drive, everybody will have a small job ( usually ) and if they are studying then some how somebody will provide the rental space may it be shared or not.
That is what I see as a college student myself. They come from the suburbs and pay around -700 for a super tiny one room studio. The closer to the city the smaller. Then they work on their hopes and dreams. Wherever the money comes from.
Think about it like this. They will have to strong enough to live an idependent life and take care of you. You most likely will pass in your own house ( they way it is meant to be ). Both parents will have their life insurances ( graves ) covered.
Your children will continue to live where you are right now paying only taxes and other utility and repair bills. Keeping the devil, foreigners, and other property predators out. As well as maintaining the community making them stronger as a whole.
............................................
Otherwise they will sell the house and move to a place less expensive. My opinion is that if my father could raise children and carry on like a wanna-be Archie bunker who never held a rifle then you should have no problem with your kids and your debt.
Good luck.
So get your freak on, cream those puffs, do the mambo. Don't worry. Everything will pan out.
How long have you been married? And how old is she? You sound like a mismatch. I'll tell you this, if she wants kids and you won't do it, it will hang over your marriage forever.
I have a friend with no kids, she has the life of Reilly....but she never really cared if she had them or not. She has a house on LI, an apartment in the city, she and her husband get their kid fix from their friends' kids and travel wherever and whenever they want, entertain tons....they are loaded. But I can tell you if they really wanted kids none of that would make up for it.
I can't see why you would need to work till you're 70 if you're going to have the union benefits and so on. Just do some savvy financial planning now. I am on a parenting board/forum with a retired teacher - had her kids in her 50s, retired at 55 (so did her teacher husband) and they then stayed home with their kids and enjoy it. The kids are in HS now. It just took some planning.
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"Let this year be over..."
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OP all your financial info is mute as any parent knows you will never be financially ready in your mind. My dad was 48 when I was born and the only thing that sucked was having a dad born in 1912 and I was born in in 60, can we say double generation gap, but I survived and we got along fine when I was older.
Kids do not fix a bad relationship and they really don't care how old your are or what you do, if you want kids then have them because that's the only requirement. Expect life as you know it to change for at least the next 20 years if you choose this path but the rewards are worth it.
How long have you been married? And how old is she? You sound like a mismatch. I'll tell you this, if she wants kids and you won't do it, it will hang over your marriage forever.
I have a friend with no kids, she has the life of Reilly....but she never really cared if she had them or not. She has a house on LI, an apartment in the city, she and her husband get their kid fix from their friends' kids and travel wherever and whenever they want, entertain tons....they are loaded. But I can tell you if they really wanted kids none of that would make up for it.
I can't see why you would need to work till you're 70 if you're going to have the union benefits and so on. Just do some savvy financial planning now. I am on a parenting board/forum with a retired teacher - had her kids in her 50s, retired at 55 (so did her teacher husband) and they then stayed home with their kids and enjoy it. The kids are in HS now. It just took some planning.
Thanks for that. We've been together 15 years and married 10. She's 39. I agree with it hanging over our marriage forever.
Last edited by Mstrlucky74; 11-10-2018 at 04:29 PM..
op all your financial info is mute as any parent knows you will never be financially ready in your mind. My dad was 48 when i was born and the only thing that sucked was having a dad born in 1912 and i was born in in 60, can we say double generation gap, but i survived and we got along fine when i was older.
Kids do not fix a bad relationship and they really don't care how old your are or what you do, if you want kids then have them because that's the only requirement. Expect life as you know it to change for at least the next 20 years if you choose this path but the rewards are worth it.
Thanks for that. We've been together 15 years and married 10. She's 39. I agree with it hanging over our marriage forever.
Being that she is 39, I assume you both have already talked with her ob/gyn about the increased risk of conditions such as Downs Syndrome for expectant mothers who are over age 35. I was 34 when I got pregnant and was told that I was "borderline" for genetic counseling and amniocentesis to screen for that. The ob/gyn left it up to me to decide, while also saying that if I was even a year older he would definitely recommend it. After much thought, because the amnio does carry a risk of causing miscarriage, I opted to roll the dice and not do the screening (there is a very narrow window of only about 2 weeks when it can be done).
With all due respect, if you've been together for 15 years/married 10 and have kicked the decision can down the road for this long without coming to a mutually accepted solution either way .... I have to wonder how you've managed to avoid the subject.
Without meaning to be too personal, I have to ask: Does your wife really LOVE being around children and has spent a lot of time around them already, or is she perhaps in love with the idea of being a mother, whether from your social group's peer pressure or via some idealized conception of what motherhood will be like? I've seen quite a few rude awakenings in 30-something women for whom the latter was actually the case.
I am 47 and DH is 46. We have been together 18 years and married 14 years. At one point we wanted kids then time went by and we never had any. Although we both love kids we are just as happy without them We can do so much more together. Plus the cost of day care is $$$. Is this something you have discussed when you were planning to get married? My brother is 43 and has three kids the youngest being 2. Are you sure at age 44 you want kids? What does your wife have to say about this.
If she's 39 you better decide fast. Don't mind all the celebrities you hear about having kids whenever the hell they want, they are using donor eggs. Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade just had a baby via surrogate.....that's $$$$$$$$$$ not to mention illegal in many states (including NY so anyone you know in NY who has used a surrogate is paying even more money to get to the woman who lives in another state). Every year after age 35 a woman's chance of conceiving is drastically diminished, rate of miscarriage goes up (due to increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities for one). I have a couple friends who started having kids in their late 30s all of them had at least one miscarriage.
Not trying to be Debbie Downer but you need to make a decision soon. I'd hate to see you decide to have kids and then have to struggle. Good luck.
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:confu sed:
