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Why limit yourself when walking ouotside your comfort zone can hekp you be more well-rounded. I suppose it's just my opinion but I've known lots of others now and around the country who agree with it. Maybe it's a miliyary thing (loophole).
You're not getting what I'm saying, or I'm not explaining it well enough.... so I guess I'll just leave it at that, especially since you say that I should get out of my comfort zone. Do you not understand that someone who moves 642 miles north after living 33 years in one place and 61 years within 100 miles of that place, has definitely stepped out of his comfort zone?
Enough said... I don't appear to be getting my point across very well.
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,036 posts, read 5,887,882 times
Reputation: 2171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarathu
You're not getting what I'm saying, or I'm not explaining it well enough.... so I guess I'll just leave it at that, especially since you say that I should get out of my comfort zone. Do you not understand that someone who moves 642 miles north after living 33 years in one place and 61 years within 100 miles of that place, has definitely stepped out of his comfort zone?
Enough said... I don't appear to be getting my point across very well.
I was speaking in generalities, not at you personally. I understand the moving and making new friends/acquaintances in totally different geographical areas. Ahh the memories of culture shock. I suppose neither of us is doing a good job of getting our points across. C’est la vie, mon ami.
I understand Zarathu's point....altho I am less sociological about it....when we moved I made sure I was within commuting distance of a Unitarian-Universalist church and that there was a tennis club for my partner.....since those are the anchors of our activity and social life.....I also checked out the demographics to get an idea how a gay couple might be received in the new community. That worked very well for us......we are not social gad-abouts by any means but we have made friends and are busy or busier than we need to be. I started participating in a volunteer effort at the local high school sponsoring an organization that I feel is important.
Whenever I go out.....people wave and smile and speak.....we get invited to holiday parties and I have served on the board of my church....and my partner participates in several tennis groups for seniors and association matches.
We really had no trouble fitting in.....and on our terms....being ourselves. I have never felt I needed to hold back because I came from away. I claim Maine as my birthright.....it has been home to generations of my family (it was my Dad who moved away) and it has nurtured and supported our liberal heritage. I am home.
I just put a long post on Elston's private comment, but while doing that Elston posted it publicly, so I defer. The concept of having social anchors to build from in a new community is necessary.
Everybody has stuff in their lives that have developed over time. One of those differentiations involves education. If you worked in a job as a college professor, which is basacally a job that requires a doctorate to get past the Instructor level, and you worked in this environment for 30 year, publishing papers in international journals, etc., then in your retirement, you will have needs beyond sitting around playing cards in at least some of your social activities[altho if the cards are contract bridge, it might not be true]. For a person like this, your social anchor will have to be some kind of organization where you can exercise some of the skills that you had in your work life, and be able to discuss philosophical and world events, and classical music and watching musicals on big screen TV. (This is an extreme example, perhaps. DISCLAIMER: I am not a former college professor with a PhD.)
This is not to say that a person such as this might not enjoy sitting around watching an NFL game, but their social anchor has to be groups that do what they did in their long working life.
Now someone who is in their 20's and 30's, may not have been immersed in this environment long enough to have such specific requirements.
Everybody has stuff in their lives that have developed over time. One of those differentiations involves education. If you worked in a job as a college professor, which is basacally a job that requires a doctorate to get past the Instructor level, and you worked in this environment for 30 year, publishing papers in international journals, etc., then in your retirement, you will have needs beyond sitting around playing cards in at least some of your social activities[altho if the cards are contract bridge, it might not be true]. For a person like this, your social anchor will have to be some kind of organization where you can exercise some of the skills that you had in your work life, and be able to discuss philosophical and world events, and classical music and watching musicals on big screen TV. (This is an extreme example, perhaps. DISCLAIMER: I am not a former college professor with a PhD.)
This is not to say that a person such as this might not enjoy sitting around watching an NFL game, but their social anchor has to be groups that do what they did in their long working life.
Trying to separate people into different "groups" based on what they did, or do for a living is very limiting though. Using formal education as a standard is very narrow and not all that reliable of a gauge for how said individual may interact with you or someone else. Some of the damn dumbest people I have ever met had a PhD behind their names, while some of the smartest never took a single college course. Implying that someone without a college degree thinks sitting around watching NFL is a stimulating afternoon, while discussing Philosophy and the arts would be beyond their capabilities is rather offensive actually. The most ardent NFL fan I know holds several different PhD's, as well as being a MD; just don't try to talk to her about ANYTHING other than frigging football on a Sunday afternoon.
I think trying to pigeonhole everyone in your new community so they fit into this group or that group so you can better determine who is worthy of being graced with your presence and a new-found friendship is going to come around and bite you in the posterior. Example: What if while volunteering at a museum or art gallery you met another volunteer who could talk about classic literature like a university professor, all while discussing how different artists influenced their medium and how their work is either still influencing others, or has fallen to the wayside of history and is now nothing more than a mere footnote in most art books. What if the same person could show a WAY higher than average IQ in words, and thoughts; then slipped into the conversation that he loves working with his hands as an Electrician? Walk away in disbelief and not contact that person again; or be glad you didn't ask what they did at the start of your conversation and then moved on to somebody else because of your own preconceived ideas of what that person would be like and miss someone you truly can talk with about a multitude of topics?
The above example is true and the outcomes have happened to that individual at different times.
If you truly want to fit into your new Maine community, get involved in the Community. If you are a church goer, that is one avenue to pursue. If not, or in addition to, check in with the town office and ask if there are volunteer opportunities. Be yourself and don't even ask what the other people did or do for a living. Get to know the person first because that is the MOST important thing; not what University they attended, or what position they hold/held in life. You will find that "Pomp and Prestige" takes second (or third) seat behind "Substance and Steadfastness" in every Maine Community I have ever lived in or spent time in, including the entire MDI area. This isn't PA, the same ol' rules really don't apply.
Trying to separate people into different "groups" based on what they did, or do for a living is very limiting though. Using formal education as a standard is very narrow and not all that reliable of a gauge for how said individual may interact with you or someone else. Some of the damn dumbest people I have ever met had a PhD behind their names, while some of the smartest never took a single college course.
The people I avoid are people who find only others like themselves to be interesting company.
I believe such people lack self-confidence, and hang with people like themselves not because it's stimulating, but because it's reassuring.
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,036 posts, read 5,887,882 times
Reputation: 2171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarathu
I just put a long post on Elston's private comment, but while doing that Elston posted it publicly, so I defer. The concept of having social anchors to build from in a new community is necessary.
Everybody has stuff in their lives that have developed over time. One of those differentiations involves education. If you worked in a job as a college professor, which is basacally a job that requires a doctorate to get past the Instructor level, and you worked in this environment for 30 year, publishing papers in international journals, etc., then in your retirement, you will have needs beyond sitting around playing cards in at least some of your social activities[altho if the cards are contract bridge, it might not be true]. For a person like this, your social anchor will have to be some kind of organization where you can exercise some of the skills that you had in your work life, and be able to discuss philosophical and world events, and classical music and watching musicals on big screen TV. (This is an extreme example, perhaps. DISCLAIMER: I am not a former college professor with a PhD.)
This is not to say that a person such as this might not enjoy sitting around watching an NFL game, but their social anchor has to be groups that do what they did in their long working life.
Now someone who is in their 20's and 30's, may not have been immersed in this environment long enough to have such specific requirements.
I'm flattered that you think this 68 year old man is in his 20's or 30's. But I'd still never let my Doctorate alone be my anchor. Too many things I'd have missed. Although I understand some people only like to be around like people. Safer
I can't understand why you almost all seem to take offense at the simple fact that people need social anchors to branch out from. We all have them. We use them as a base whether we are only 5 years old or 79 years old. I learned it in the university, and I observed it in 40 years of mental health services.
But if you all, except for one, wish to do that, be my guest.
As to my fitting in, using my social anchors, I feel quite happy. I've made more friends in two weeks than I made in PA in 33 years. Maine, and BH in particular, is a wonderful place. No regrets moving here in the least. Doing this without social anchors at age 62 is very difficult if not impossible. Older people like me have a history of not including new people because they are tgoo set in their ways. But apparently not in BH.
I would appreciate having ya'll stop lecturing me about what I have to do to "fit in". As far as I can tell, things seem to be going exceedingly well. Although I have to admit that I've only met two people who are native Mainers. Everyone else is from away, but they all talk about how wonderfully accepting everyone is here. I have to agree whole-heartedly.
I can't understand why you almost all seem to take offense at the simple fact that people need social anchors to branch out from. We all have them. We use them as a base whether we are only 5 years old or 79 years old. I learned it in the university, and I observed it in 40 years of mental health services.
But if you all, except for one, wish to do that, be my guest.
As to my fitting in, using my social anchors, I feel quite happy. I've made more friends in two weeks than I made in PA in 33 years. Maine, and BH in particular, is a wonderful place. No regrets moving here in the least. Doing this without social anchors at age 62 is very difficult if not impossible. Older people like me have a history of not including new people because they are tgoo set in their ways. But apparently not in BH.
I would appreciate having ya'll stop lecturing me about what I have to do to "fit in". As far as I can tell, things seem to be going exceedingly well. Although I have to admit that I've only met two people who are native Mainers. Everyone else is from away, but they all talk about how wonderfully accepting everyone is here. I have to agree whole-heartedly.
You can't be wrong if you are right. Just accept that there are people who have lived in Maine their whole lives and still haven't found a good social anchor yet. I think you may be ahead of the curve.
It's great that you are having an accepting outlook on your new environment. Good for you.
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,036 posts, read 5,887,882 times
Reputation: 2171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarathu
I can't understand why you almost all seem to take offense at the simple fact that people need social anchors to branch out from. We all have them. We use them as a base whether we are only 5 years old or 79 years old. I learned it in the university, and I observed it in 40 years of mental health services.
But if you all, except for one, wish to do that, be my guest.
As to my fitting in, using my social anchors, I feel quite happy. I've made more friends in two weeks than I made in PA in 33 years. Maine, and BH in particular, is a wonderful place. No regrets moving here in the least. Doing this without social anchors at age 62 is very difficult if not impossible. Older people like me have a history of not including new people because they are tgoo set in their ways. But apparently not in BH.
I would appreciate having ya'll stop lecturing me about what I have to do to "fit in". As far as I can tell, things seem to be going exceedingly well. Although I have to admit that I've only met two people who are native Mainers. Everyone else is from away, but they all talk about how wonderfully accepting everyone is here. I have to agree whole-heartedly.
I'm not offended at all. Not even close. Just putting forth another hypothesis to your opinion. Nothing is absolute or impossible. But that's just my obsevations. Glad you're fitting in there. One of the best htings in life is smiling with friends around town.
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Just accept that there are people who have lived in Maine their whole lives and still haven't found a good social anchor yet.
I think you may be ahead of the curve.
