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In the past, whenever I vacationed in Maine, I found Mainers to be friendly and accommodating. Indeed, since having moved here, I find most people I encounter in my daily life to be personable, helpful, and friendly - neighbors, sales/service people, library staff, the folks at my town hall, people holding yard sales, etc. Therefore, I wouldn't consider Maine to be unfriendly, per se. However, all these nice people are basically just acquaintances or in the periphery of my life.
After three years living here, I've yet to make any friends. To me, friends would be people I confide in, invite to my home, go out and do things with, and so on. I was talking about this with my mechanic, who grew up here, and even he told me, "No Mainer will ever just drop by and ring your doorbell to see how you're doing or ask to get together." Now, we weren't talking about people literally ringing my doorbell. Rather, what he meant was Mainers won't make the effort or go out of their way to invite new people into their circle of friends.
Of course, I had read about the reputation Mainers have of keeping to themselves before I moved here, but I never expected it to be as much of a barrier against making friends as it has turned out to be. I'm shy in certain circumstances but mostly a friendly person. I'll strike up a conversation with someone while waiting in line at the bank, or walk over to my neighbors when I see them outside to say hello and ask how they're doing. I've attended events and joined hobby-based groups since moving here and I'm always the one to initiate a conversation with someone. Don't get me wrong - I'm not pushy or intrusive. I can read people pretty well. If I smile at someone and get no acknowledgement, I'm not going to insinuate myself into their personal space. And yet I've had the experience many times that the Mainers with whom I am conversing will end the conversation somewhat abruptly and almost run away, as if the last two or three minutes talking to me was torture. That may be somewhat of an exaggeration, but it's how I feel after they leave. I guess I could say it hurts a little bit.
So, how can I make friends here? For those of you who are native Mainers, what can an outsider do to win your affection and be invited into your circle? For other transplants like me, have you been able to make friends and, if so, how? What's the secret?
To citychik
maybe get involved in a church or civic organization, take dance classes, take a community college class or adult education class, find people from away and make friends with others from away, meet people on the job (If you don't have a job, consider getting one even if it is only part-time.)
In the past, whenever I vacationed in Maine, I found Mainers to be friendly and accommodating. Indeed, since having moved here, I find most people I encounter in my daily life to be personable, helpful, and friendly - neighbors, sales/service people, library staff, the folks at my town hall, people holding yard sales, etc. Therefore, I wouldn't consider Maine to be unfriendly, per se. However, all these nice people are basically just acquaintances or in the periphery of my life.
After three years living here, I've yet to make any friends. To me, friends would be people I confide in, invite to my home, go out and do things with, and so on. I was talking about this with my mechanic, who grew up here, and even he told me, "No Mainer will ever just drop by and ring your doorbell to see how you're doing or ask to get together." Now, we weren't talking about people literally ringing my doorbell. Rather, what he meant was Mainers won't make the effort or go out of their way to invite new people into their circle of friends.
Of course, I had read about the reputation Mainers have of keeping to themselves before I moved here, but I never expected it to be as much of a barrier against making friends as it has turned out to be. I'm shy in certain circumstances but mostly a friendly person. I'll strike up a conversation with someone while waiting in line at the bank, or walk over to my neighbors when I see them outside to say hello and ask how they're doing. I've attended events and joined hobby-based groups since moving here and I'm always the one to initiate a conversation with someone. Don't get me wrong - I'm not pushy or intrusive. I can read people pretty well. If I smile at someone and get no acknowledgement, I'm not going to insinuate myself into their personal space. And yet I've had the experience many times that the Mainers with whom I am conversing will end the conversation somewhat abruptly and almost run away, as if the last two or three minutes talking to me was torture. That may be somewhat of an exaggeration, but it's how I feel after they leave. I guess I could say it hurts a little bit.
So, how can I make friends here? For those of you who are native Mainers, what can an outsider do to win your affection and be invited into your circle? For other transplants like me, have you been able to make friends and, if so, how? What's the secret?
Citychik: I could have written all this about Vermont, too, and I have, in other threads. 20 yrs here (moved from CA, originally from NY, long long ago) and I have 3 or 4 women I consider 'friends.' One of them is a new friend I met on the bike path. We do one on one social things....go for a coffee or lunch or, mostly with one friend, what we call 'walks and talks.' I met that particular friend at a "Voluntary Simplicity" class at the local library when I first moved here.
Might depend on the age group (I was in my late 40s when I moved here). Everyone already had an established social circle and much of it, that I could tell, revolved around kids (I have none), school, and their work life. With all that, not much spare time for friends, although we know how important it is to HAVE friends. A therapist once told me that, in general, people have 2 or 3 close friends, which made me feel better. I am like you. Friendly, but I know if I'm 'encroaching' on someone and I leave it be. People here can be abrupt, but I don't take it personally. I'm outgoing by nature, though, so it does hurt sometimes when I get a cold shoulder. Oh well. Rural VT life can be pretty insular and people tend to be wary of outsiders. I think I'm still probably considered an outsider after 20 yrs, but I fit here now. This is my home.
I'd suggest sticking with hobby-based groups (even a book club if you are so inclined.) Be who you are but stick with it so people can get to know you. How about a sport? Bowling? Pickleball? You might find opportunities to invite a new friend to coffee, etc.
Don't give up.
1 “No Boomers Allowed”: 15 States Where Retirees Are Not Welcome
When contemplating a major transition during your golden years, it’s vital to pinpoint precisely what you want in your next abode and the elements you’d rather not encounter, say experts in the field. To help guide your decision, we’ve curated a list of the 15 states that might not be the best choices for retirement.
No list of these 15 states, and no mention of how they determined this.
BTW, I have found Maine to be very welcoming.
Maine does not tax my pension, and now that I am on SS it is not taxed either.
In the past, whenever I vacationed in Maine, I found Mainers to be friendly and accommodating. Indeed, since having moved here, I find most people I encounter in my daily life to be personable, helpful, and friendly - neighbors, sales/service people, library staff, the folks at my town hall, people holding yard sales, etc. Therefore, I wouldn't consider Maine to be unfriendly, per se. However, all these nice people are basically just acquaintances or in the periphery of my life.
After three years living here, I've yet to make any friends. To me, friends would be people I confide in, invite to my home, go out and do things with, and so on. I was talking about this with my mechanic, who grew up here, and even he told me, "No Mainer will ever just drop by and ring your doorbell to see how you're doing or ask to get together." Now, we weren't talking about people literally ringing my doorbell. Rather, what he meant was Mainers won't make the effort or go out of their way to invite new people into their circle of friends.
Of course, I had read about the reputation Mainers have of keeping to themselves before I moved here, but I never expected it to be as much of a barrier against making friends as it has turned out to be. I'm shy in certain circumstances but mostly a friendly person. I'll strike up a conversation with someone while waiting in line at the bank, or walk over to my neighbors when I see them outside to say hello and ask how they're doing. I've attended events and joined hobby-based groups since moving here and I'm always the one to initiate a conversation with someone. Don't get me wrong - I'm not pushy or intrusive. I can read people pretty well. If I smile at someone and get no acknowledgement, I'm not going to insinuate myself into their personal space. And yet I've had the experience many times that the Mainers with whom I am conversing will end the conversation somewhat abruptly and almost run away, as if the last two or three minutes talking to me was torture. That may be somewhat of an exaggeration, but it's how I feel after they leave. I guess I could say it hurts a little bit.
So, how can I make friends here? For those of you who are native Mainers, what can an outsider do to win your affection and be invited into your circle? For other transplants like me, have you been able to make friends and, if so, how? What's the secret?
Lived in Maine for several years and didn't find it much different from anywhere else I lived, where people generally meet people through work, church, sports, etc.. To be honest I probably met more friends during those years in ME than at any similar time frame in MA, at least since I was still in college/early 20s. Bigger cities can sometimes be harder, with people being so scattered and overloaded (leaving little time for others).
... So, how can I make friends here? For those of you who are native Mainers, what can an outsider do to win your affection and be invited into your circle? For other transplants like me, have you been able to make friends and, if so, how? What's the secret?
I am originally from California, I am not a native Mainer.
I was 'career military'. Which is a lifestyle that requires frequent moves. I have resided in many places where I was only there for a few weeks or months. For the most part, we could never count on living in any one place for more than three years. A new timezone, new city, new traffic patterns were all just a normal feature of my career.
After I retired I came to Maine.
Among my top priorities was to get a Maine state driver's license and a local bank account [in my career we always had issues with stores that refuse to accept out-of-state bank checks], then I attended a local Masonic Lodge, VFW, and American Legion, and began looking for our flavor of church.
Some of those connections were good, and some were tiresome after only a few months.
We eventually got involved with MOFGA, the Cooperative Extension Office, and with the Grange.
Our involvement with some of these social groups has led to long-term friendships.
There are many social organizations to choose from. You will be welcomed at each of them [assuming that you qualify, for example the VFW is only for combat vets].
As I age, my need for social interaction has changed, and so the kind of groups that I am drawn toward have changed.
No list of these 15 states, and no mention of how they determined this.
BTW, I have found Maine to be very welcoming.
Maine does not tax my pension, and now that I am on SS it is not taxed either.
Not to be nosy, but you have a military pension, correct? VT is trying to do the same thing - not tax those pensions. Everything else is fair game. Social security is taxed, too, and some poor people out here live on that alone. We know that often is not enough.
They just cannot come up with any other way to finance certain things w/out further burdening the taxpayer.
Not what I found. It's a typical MSN product where you have to not read but use the photos below the ugly mug of the man. They're all there
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